Paving paradise.
Any grumpy local, worth her salt, would quietly grumble that surf schools, or places vulnerable adult learners go to discover confidence in the surf by being pushed into waves on giant soft-tops, have spread too far, too wide and should be culled. But the grumpy local, worth his salt, has not one friend, not one natural ally and so is ignored as surf schools spread like TikTok-induced tics.
Everywhere.
Most recently, the Hawaii state Board of Land and Natural Resources has amended rules and is allowing eight surf schools to open shop on The Big Island’s heretofore pristine Kahaluu Bay.
Once home to important royal residences and a grand heiau used to view the surf, Kahaluu Bay has been a beautiful respite from VAL who, before now, had to drag their soft-tops all the way from across the street in order to bend at the waist where princesses and princes once slid proud. It is also right around the corner from Kealakekua Bay, where Hawaiians beat Capt’n James Cook to death after a small misunderstanding.
Surf schools.
Amirite?
You’re over-thinking this Ads. Jonah is surfing for the sheer enjoyment of it. Something everyone in the BG comments section seems to have lost touch with.
Surf schools are the cancer eating away at my once quiet coastal aquatic surf lifestyle, i despise them so.
One of my fondest memories, I was driving south by Kahaluu and there was a surf instructor standing by his truck on the traffic side of the road (by that little church), I was driving about 25 or 30 and when I got like six feet from him I honked my super loud horn and held it–he must have jumped 3 ft in the air—priceless….. I still have fond memories of that……
Yep, push them into the surf and snow to see what happens. Great life skills to survive the corp(BS) world!
oh pulleeeeseeee….he just LIKES to surf…. period.
I hooked him on the sport and other so called “alt sports” as I didn’t start surfing until college. I watch more than I surf these days. Fun to see the passion and love/respect of the ocean.
Toyota!
A Behind the Bastards fan Dane’s S&S?
They recently did a pod on the guy who inspired Melville. The bit where they rescued two of his crew members who had been drifting around in a small boat sounds very similar. 3 smaller boats set off together after the main whaling boat had been damaged beyond repair. One boat was found washed up on an island full of skeletons and the other two had survivors, but had lost a few sailors each that were cannibalised. One boat was found with two blokes aboard.
When the rescuing ship pulled alongside, the two survivors didn’t seem to happy/keen to leave their boat. After a bit of convincing they packed their crewmates bones into their pockets and hopped aboard. Something tells me that PTSD wasn’t well treated back in the day.
Boldly.
This might be a good opportunity for my 1k comment.
Chas, you’re an ignorant slut. Stating that “Hawaiians beat Captain James Cook to death after a small misunderstanding” at Kealakekua Bay misstates the realities of that time and moment. It also comes close to your past ignorant use of the pejorative, “noble savage”.
Cook and his crew had already overstayed their welcome and the imperialistic myth and notion often promulgated by Westerners that Cook was a kinolau of Lono and considered a “god” is absolute nonsense. Chief Kalaniʻōpuʻu and the residents were under no illusions about outsiders. Hawaiians were already well aware and had previous contact with not only Cook previously on Ni’ihau and Maui but also the Spanish, Dutch and French. It was thru them that Hawaiians came to highly value metal and Cook & crew took unfair advantage of this established desire in trading with them.
Like Hawaiians are prone to do, Kalaniʻōpuʻu welcomed these newcomers from the outside world with open arms bestowing upon Captain Cook lavish gifts and even his own rare prized ʻahu ʻula. Being the Makahiki season, Cook wrongfully believed that the yearly celebration was intended for him. Throughout their stay Cook and crew became increasingly demanding and boorish, escalating the resentment felt by residents.
After finally departing, Cook returned about a week later because the foremast on the Resolution was damaged by heavy winter seas. Surprised at the now cold reception, he nonetheless sent his carpenters to shore where they had previously defiled sacred kii from temples. Upon discovery that locals had stolen a longboat cutter, Cook made the incredibly disastrous decision to capture Kalaniʻōpuʻu and hold him hostage on board the Resolution.
As could be expected, there was great resistance to this and when a lesser Hawaiian chief Kana’ina was shot to death during the abduction, a mob of Hawaiians descended on Cook’s party. Cook’s shore crew and the Resolution commenced firing on the Hawaiians who were attacking Cook after Cook struck Kana’ina.
Some say it was Kalaniʻōpuʻu’s nephew, Kamehameha, or the chief’s attendant, Nuaa, who delivered the coup de grâce, stabbing Cook. The Hawaiians seized Cook’s body and steamed him in an imu, heartily feasting on perceived mana (He musta tasted like an old chook).
They then distributed his iwi (bones) to various sacred sites. Desirous to retrieve Cook’s remains, the Resolution continued their fusillade killing 30 more Hawaiians. It was only when the chiefs returned what was purported to be Cook’s remaining bones did the Resolution finally fuck off.
And BTW, Ben Marcus still owes me fiddy bucks.
It’s a little known fact that koories contracted the hit on cook out to the hawaiians,after he’d shot at the first two aboriginals he’d seen in botany bay.
🇬🇧
The Hawaiians did the world a favour offing that cunt.
Very interesting reading. Thanks. By the way Huli, what’s up with all the apostrophes in Hawaiian written word. Are they Possessive, abbreviations or ?
Okina
hey Ric, the traditional apostrophes are just that- possessives. But the upside down-looking ones are single open quote marks are okinas or glottal stops. They mark the break in sound in Polynesian languages like 0`0 = oh-oh. The correct typographical mark is (ʻ) but many computers do not have the mark so the grave accent (`) or the straight single quote are sometimes used instead.
The whole straight, curly, single, double etc etc quote rules are mind bending.
The macron, or kahako lengthens and adds stress to the marked vowel.
They’re both important for the proper different pronunciations and meanings of Polynesian words that are spelled the same and are integral for understanding the spoken and written word.
Agreed. That place gets so fun on the right day. And yes, shallow too.
I figured you meant Alzheimer’s, since surfing Kona for 15+ years I’ve never seen Kahaluu “all-time”. Also, there is no “inside shelf”. It backs off in deeper water. This is where most of the VALs sit, catching mushy reforms.
You spelled Alzheimer’s wrong.
Spellchecker fail?
My oldest surfed there as a 7 yr old and loved it…
Maybe Mick Fanning will offer an in-kind sponsorship with his soft top boards
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Kahaluu has been Kona’s go to spot for beginners, VALs, and pasty tourons for many years. Pristine? Hardly. It’s also a lousy wave, with more than its share of grumpy old timers, and very little parking. Things change very slowly on Big Island. This will have little if any noticeable impact.