Malibu surf prince Jonah Hill maintains
deafening silence as fans savagely bully 63-year-old actress Sharon
Stone: “Clearly you’re too much of an old hag to read important
stuff life this.”
Late last evening Hollywood funnyman and heir
to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne Jonah Hill took to Instagram with a
heartfelt message, writing, “I know you mean well but ask that you
not comment on my body good or bad I want to politely let you know
it’s not helpful and doesn’t feel good. Much respect.”
The response was universally positive with famous
actors/actresses, models, chefs all weighing in to praise Hill’s
position.
The 63-year-old starlet Sharon Stone added her blessing too,
asking, “Can I say you look good cuz u do” adding one fire emoji
for emphasis.
Well, the universal positivity directed toward Hill quickly
turned to black, bubbling rage when pointed at Stone.
No insult off limits.
The fans went haywire, impolitely screaming at the Sliver star
that she was dumb, old, a boomer, illiterate, deaf and in need of
help, square amongst other barbs. A relentless stream of severe
bullying except, remarkably, not one note from Hill himself asking
to maybe tone down the vitriol and forgive Stone for being
completely out of line and complimenting.
Deafening silence.
Standing quietly by, beatific smile on Buddha face, watching
Stone get torn limb from limb.
Maybe ultra-sensitivity is a one-way street?
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Jonah Hill fans bare fangs, viciously round
on Sharon Stone after Fatal Attraction star compliments heir to
Miki Dora’s Malibu throne: “Can i say you look good cuz you do
(fire)”
"way to blatantly disregard the boundary he JUST
blatantly set."
Yesterday, not even twelve hours ago, fans of
Hollywood funnyman Jonah Hill bared their gleaming fangs and
viciously rounded on the 63-year-old actress Sharon Stone over a
seemingly compliment paid to the heir of Miki Dora’s Malibu
throne.
The business got started when Hill uploaded an earnest message
to Instagram reading, “I know you mean well buy I kindly ask that
you not comment on my body (heart) good or bad I want to politely
let you know it’s not helpful and doesn’t feel good. Much
respect.”
The mainstream media speculated the post was in reference to a
recent adulatory US Weekly candid spread.
In February, the Superbad actor addressed his newfound freedom,
taking off shirt in public, after years of sensitivity. “Probably
would have happened sooner if my childhood insecurities weren’t
exacerbated by years of public mockery about my body by press and
interviewers,” he said. “So the idea that the media tries to play
me by stalking me while surfing and printing photos like this and
it can’t phase me anymore is dope. I’m 37 and finally love and
accept myself.”
His latest post was met with much love and respect. The artist
SZA commented, “Absolutely love you. Thank you!!!” Saturday Night
Live alum Aidy Bryant shared a green check mark. Beanie Feldstein,
who appears as Monica Lewinsky in the new program Impeachment:
American Crime Story added, “That’s (clap) my (clap) brother
(clap).”
The trouble began when Sharon Stone noted, “Can i say you look
good cuz you do (fire emoji)”
The fallout was instantaneous and universally damning with Hill
fans digging in, tearing out hunks of flesh.
“wtf that’s literally the point of the post.”
“Be better, Sharon.”
“he said NO!!!”
“no, boomer.”
“Read the post again (eye roll).”
“u don’t seem to understand the assignment.”
“way to blatantly disregard the boundary he JUST blatantly
set.”
On and on and on it cascaded with universal disdain for the
Basic Instinct lead.
Difficult to see how Stone survives the hold down.
A heavy heavy wave.
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Sunny Garcia at full extension, Burleigh
Heads.
New existential crisis: Is jiujitsu
actually gonna work in a surf fight?
No one gets into martial arts for community,
discipline or the camaraderie. You walked into that gym to create
an ultra-violent, fighting machine.
Around here, we’ve been around the world enough to not
be shy.We know the booby
traps.
Let’s be real.
No one gets into martial arts for community, discipline or the
camaraderie, although this ideal is often expressed to friends,
family.
You walked into that gym cause you wanted to beat hell out of
another man.
You wanted to create a dynamite fighting machine with an
ultra-violent capability.
You bite a hunk of trouble off in the water and it’s more than
you can chew, what do you do, tough guy? You want
skills.
Girl gets slapped in some bucket-of-blood bar and she’s counting
on you to wrap that fool up in your sails. Skills.
Kid gets belted by a coach or wanna-be baby gangsters.
Skills.
You want to walk tall. Fear no man.
I threw in with what used to be called Brazilian jiujitsu, as
referenced here, here and
here, but what is now
rapidly evolving into all-discipline grappling, snatching the best
of wrestling, sambo and judo.
Does it work in the surf?
Le me sketch a recent surf fight.
Smallish but lushly rounded waves, crowd not so bad.
I’m in a pack with two pals and another man whom I’ve already
noted pauses on takeoffs and whose back foot operates from a
position three inches in front of his tail pad, a mirror image of
me.
He rides a squared-off Tomo, a one-thousand dollar surfboard
handled only by the very best and the very worst.
Set approaches.
Tomo man on inside, pal on outside. Whistle for pal to go
despite the superficial shattering of surf etiquette.
Tomo man yells with full doomsday vibes; pal
ignores.
I take next wave into impact zone to enjoy the melee first
hand.
Tomo man insults pal’s prematurely aged appearance.
Pal lifts Tomo man by the collar of his wetsuit and…pop…pop…pop…
three shots to the head. Practised jabs. Tomo man’s eyes are
phosphorescent. He rolls to his side to avoid more
blows.
A set separates ‘em, they paddle back out.
Tomo man tells another couple of surfers he’s just been belted
although the only injury, interestingly, is a dislocated finger on
my pal’s hand, and adds something to the effect my pal is lucky it
didn’t go to the beach ‘cause he would’ve unleashed his
jiujitsu.
I shudder.
Existential crisis. Did I just spent a year, six days a week,
learning to operate a vehicle that is obsolete?
And now an aside, a message from our sponsor, whatever you want
to call it: the training benefits of jiujisu have been superb,
although not as sharp as surfing. Here, let’s pause, all of us, to
examine a recent day of surfing by the two-time world surfing
champion John John Florence, whose wrist is bejewelled in
WHOOP.
John John, who turns twenty-nine in five days, went to bed at
7.43 pm, a Saturday, woke up a little after five am, surfed from
7:45 until 10:25, ate, maybe, whatever, then shredded from 12:40 to
4:03, a total of nearly seven hours in the drink.
“I really like surfing,” writes John John, who burned 4309
calories and whose heart rate variability, a measure of the
variation in time between each heartbeat, fitter you are, higher
the number, is a relatively impressive 77 although well short of my
101, as seen below.
Anyway, the deeper you get into grappling game, the more you
realise its inherent flaws, although as a jiujitsu man, who surfs
told me, the guy getting punched should’ve dived down, grabbed my
pal’s heel, hooked it and wrenched out his knee. No more surfing
for you, buddy.
As the philosopher, author etc Sammy Harris advised,
When you are standing at arm’s length from your opponent,
you want to be able to punch like a Western-style boxer and kick
like a Thai boxer.
Moving closer, you want to remain a Thai boxer in your
ability to strike with your knees and elbows.
Once your opponent grabs hold of you, or you him (the
clinch), you want to have the skills of a Greco-Roman/freestyle
wrestler—controlling his posture and throwing him to the ground at
will.
In the presence of sufficient clothing (jackets, coats, or
traditional martial arts uniforms), this vertical grappling can
take the form of judo. The general picture at this range is of two
people being too close to strike one another effectively: You want
to be the one who can move the fight to the ground on his own
terms—by executing takedowns or throws—and who can resist being
taken there.
And if the fight goes to the ground, the surest path to the
safety of home remains Brazilian jiu-jitsu. The original revelation
of the UFC still stands.
He added an important caveat,
Because BJJ is geared toward fighting on the ground, and is
so decisive there, you can easily acquire a bias toward going to
the ground on principle. When rolling on the mat, perfecting arm
locks and chokes, it is easy to forget that in a real fight, your
opponent is very likely to be punching you, or armed with a weapon,
or in the company of friends who might be eager to kick you in the
head (facts that are given cursory treatment in most BJJ
training).
What’s a girl to do?
Next week: Wrestling with
bears!
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"This so-called 'modern' longboarding can go to hell,"
Tudor said in 1994. "It's so boring. If you want surf like that,
get a 6'2" shortboard."
Question: Is professional longboarding
secretly the jewel in the World Surf League’s gilded crown?
Yesterday, the 50-adjacent onetime prodigy
Joel Tudor became champion
of professional longboarding with his inspirational
win at the Jeep Malibu Classic presented by Havaianas. The victory,
over British man Ben Skinner, cemented Tudor’s already extremely
solid place in surf history.
The oldest champ ever and the black belt declared, afterwards,
“The most proud thing of all of this is that I finally beat Kelly
at something. So remember that.”
Poignent and made me wonder. Is professional longboarding
secretly the jewel in the World Surf League’s gilded crown?
To wit, longboarding is much more practiced by the legions of
VALs embracing surfing as a healthy lifestyle alternative and much
more understood by them. This vast army represents the sort of
hockey stick growth the WSL so craves.
Furthermore, the gap between the women and the men is virtually
non-existent leading to the very real possibility of the two
competing in one, beautiful genderless class. Equal prize money,
equal opportunity, equal wave quality, equal coverage, more than
equal hope in breaking through mainstream reticence to embrace a
pursuit often seen as “white” and “privileged.”
Groundbreaking.
Lastly, the League is sitting on the world’s greatest longboard
wave, one that can be conjured at the push of a button flowing
magnificently through the middle of industrial dairyland.
Altogether, it really does seem there is much more upside in
longboarding than in short.
Not convinced?
Prove me wrong.
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China conducts beach invasion exercise on
island opposite Taiwan famous for its “inconsistent, blown out,
poor quality surf!”
Days ago, it was reported that China’s robust
People’s Liberation Army conducted beach invasion exercises on
Fujian island, which happens to be very near Taiwan.
According to official Chinese accounts the action involved
“shock” troops, sappers and boat specialist who were “divided into
multiple waves to grab the beach and perform combat tasks at
different stages.”
Video was released of soldiers throwing smoke grenades and
breaking through barbed wire. Digging trenches in the sand etc.
The war-game was extremely provocative as, over the weekend,
Chinese President Xi Jinping declared that Taiwan will be
“reunified” with the mainland.
Worrisome but, as a surfer, I was curious as to Fujian’s
potential and quickly searched “surf Fujian.”
Funingwan in Fujian is a reasonably exposed beach break that
has inconsistent surf with no particular seasonal pattern. Offshore
winds are from the west with some shelter here from north winds.
Short period wind swells are the rule and the best wave direction
is from the east southeast. The beach break offers both left and
right hand waves. Crowds are never a problem here. Water quality is
rather poor here.
It sounds lightly depressing so I then conducted an image search
for “sad surfer.”
And look at that. Top row, fifth picture from left, Derek Rielly
spraying all the mopes.
Very cool
What was I writing about again?
World War III?
Oh yeah.
Do you think the west will care if/when China gets grabby or
will there be much hand-wringing followed by Hong Kong-sized
shrugs?
More, I suppose, as the story develops.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
