Worry free.

But imagine finally be able to enter the ocean without a care in the world, or at the very least not the care of becoming munched and greatly injured by the most vicious great white shark. Paddling free and mentally easy. Barreling confident and protected.

A mirage?

Wild dream?

Not if Shark Stop raises another $6000 plus change in the next 100-odd days.

Shark Stop, so the Kickstarter goes, is scientifically proven to reduce the depth of a great white shark bite. We are the world’s leading developer of Shark Bite-Resistant wetsuits using new space-age polymer nanofibre technology, with more than four years of precision research.

These suits are ideal for surfers and divers who want flexibility combined with protection. Our mission is to give everyday ocean users their peace of mind back, to be part of the beautiful ocean without worry.

The Shark Stop journey started as a response to the worrying number of shark bite incidents on the north coast of New South Wales. Haydon Burford, our founder, spent four years researching a suitable fabric to develop a shark bite-resistant wetsuit before progressing to the testing stage through Charlie Huuveneers, Head Research into Sharks at Flinders University.

For the low low price of $795, funders will receive their very own Shark Stop wetsuit. Not so flush? $150 will get a longboard fin that reads “If my life is taken, don’t take theirs.”

Do imagine the sentiment is legally binding?

I suppose if the $795 is ponied up the point will be moot.

A long road to recovery expected for the former world number eighteen, "Lost my left heel and did a pretty job on right leg and foot also."

The Oceanside surfer and former world number eighteen, Mike Lambresi, has posted harrowing images of a near-fatal fall while trying to snatch the perfect angle of a pretty cove in San Diego. 

Lambresi, fifty-eight this year, posted the shots he took before the fall, as well as his gruesome injury. 

“According the my doctor at the trauma center in San Diego, I will need additional surgeries to include skin grafts,” Lambresi wrote on Instagram. “My right leg was also significantly injured with muscle, fatty tissue and heater else all hanging out from my upper right and back side of calf which required seeming up a long flap of ski and stitching up my foot in various places.”

His former sparring buddy, 1988 world champ Barton Lynch, was quick to signal his concern. 

“Are you okay mate? What happened?”

“Lost my left heel and did a pretty job on right leg and foot also. Wheelchair for the next month and more surgeries to come for skin grafts etc,” wrote Lambresi. 

 

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Lambresi only started stand-up surfing at eighteen in 1982 but got so good so fast he’d won the prestigious California Stubbies Trials within one year. 

Fame and chasing the tour never appealed to Lambresi.

He quit the tour three years later in 1985, aged twenty-one, to stay home with his wife and kid, although he’d dominate the domestic PSAA tour for years, winning it in 1987, 88 and 89.

“I didn’t like the tour,” Lambresi later said. “I hated traveling eight or nine months of the year; it was grueling. I was engaged, and kept putting off getting married because I was always on the road. Quitting was actually a pretty easy choice for me.”

Two pivotal reasons why you won't be seeing a Pipe Master crowned at the tour's opening event… 

You win a Grand Slam event at Pipe, you’re a Pipe Master, a crown almost as gilded as a world title, yeah? 

Couple of reasons why you ain’t gonna see a Pipe Master crowned at the opening event, even if it is at Pipe.

The contest is called the Billabong Pro Pipeline.

There’s no mention of the Pipe Masters, the longest running professional event in surfing (Bells didn’t go pro until 1973), ‘cause Billabong’s contract as the title sponsor of the Pipe Masters ran out in 2021 

Wanna know why?

The WSL, and Vans who own the intellectual property rights to the Pipe Masters, couldn’t swing a mutually satisfying agreement with Billabong for ‘em to continue as naming sponsor of the event. 

So the name reverts to Vans.

Thus, we have the Billabong Pro Pipeline. 

If you’ve been kicking around for long enough you’ll remember the Billabong Pro events, which were pivotal events in the Hawaiian Triple Crown in the eighties and nineties.  

In an ironic turn since he just got dumped from the Pipe broadcasting team, BL won the Billabong Pro in 88, held at Pipeline, and his world crown, a champ but no Pipe Master; in 1986, the Billabong Pro ran one of its days at Waimea and was so big two Australian pro’s, Bryce Ellis and Gary Green, refused to paddle out. 

Changing the tour climax from the North Shore to Sam Clemente played hell with the Hawaiian schedule, too.

See, because the WSL’s wanted to start the 2022 season in Hawaii and end it at Trestles in September, they had to run the 2021 Pipe Masters in January. Therefore there couldn’t be two events in the same year so the usual December slot wasn’t used. 

This meant that for 2022, the WSL had to juggle the events and come up with new dates and names.  

The Volcom Pipe Pro got dropped in favour of Billabong taking over that slot. 

Still, the Pipe Masters is gonna be on, usual dates, December 8-20, 2022

The WSL and Vans are still negotiating over what status Pipe is gonna be although the prizemoney is rumoured to be off the charts (Squid Games filled Vans’ already considerable coffers) and with the WSL taking the Triple Crown off the contest surfing table, Vans are psyching to run a big and heavily promoted event. 

Happy days.

I will tell you right now, the best surfer in the water is rarely the one having the most fun unless that surfer is 11x World Champion Kelly Slater and then it signifies a possible 12th title run.

The iconic elder statesman was captured on Oahu’s North Shore, days ago, looking more tan, more rested, more ready than I have ever seen him in my whole life. An easy, relaxed smile, generous fist bumps to old friends friends, a free spirit that exudes general winning.

 

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Slater is widely known as a master gamesman, getting in competitors’ heads, burrowing into their very guts and I can only think he is positioning himself to shock and amaze, especially with the shock announcement that Gabriel Medina has withdrawn from competition.

Tell me, who can stand in emotional peak Kelly’s way?

What if he wins Pipe, quarters Sunset? Completely in the realm of possibility and then we have the Australian leg what with its mandatory vaccination policy and saber rattling politicians but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.

Let’s root for a Pipe win.

Let’s go for 12.

The title stays in Brazil!

(This story was originally slated to appear as a comment beneath the latest Medina story but was scooped out of Disqus by moderator Negatron.)

35. Joao Chianca

Someone had to be here.

34. Lucca Mesinas

Have only watched videos of him going left.

33. Liam O’Brien

Irish-sounding named, Australian Rook who got some ‘CT experience last year at Rottnest, where he surfed ra… he surfed. Joey said something like he wanted to be a physicist or something, which would be great, squaring up his surfing ability with his profession. Too harsh? Of course, but the only other thing I could think of to say about him was something about the potato famine and him having to survive the time eating a steady diet of rats and nettles, which is all he could muster.

32. Jake Marshall

Who was the last decent ‘CT’er from San Diego County? Taylor Knox? Machado? He’s neither of them.

31. Callum Robson

Husky dude with flailing arms, which I could see the judges not penalizing, but also not getting into.

30. Jackson Baker

Looks like a thumb. Like other Tour thumbs before him (StuKen, Adam Melling, Drew Courtney), he’ll end the year lowly rated (probably cut), forced to requalify via the Challenger Series.

29. Jadson Andre

Charges and seems like a cool guy. Rank style, but like that he’s on Tour. Hopefully he can do better than this (not make the cut, mind you, but maybe be near it).

28. Connor O’Leary

Had a good rookie year, but hasn’t been able to get it together on Tour. Kinda hoping he doesn’t, it being pretty funny to read Bicko rave about him when he’s doing shit.

27. Caio Ibelli

Replacement surfer for Gabe. Thank God he’s not Mikey Wright, who if still around I’d rank dead last, easily.

26. Owen Wright

Ranked this highly for the bronze in Japan and his potential performance at the Pipeline.

25. Carlos Munoz

Costa Rican Kelly Slater or something. DLS thinks he’s great. Don’t know, as my skills at rating surfers, as should be apparent, are negligible.

24. Miguel Pupo

Thing 1 will probably end up rated low.

23. Ryan Callinan

Hurt and I forgot about him.

22. Zeke Lau

Might want to try boosting his median heat score above 11, where he has generally been on Tour, otherwise we’ll see him have to Challenger Series again. Not everyone can be a Top-20 surfer.

21. Imaikalani deVault

Looks like he rips. Hopefully better than the second coming of Roy Powers.

20. Samuel Pupo

Younger brother to Thing 1… that’s all I got.

19. Ethan Ewing
A

ndy reincarnate he’s not. Still waiting to see what all the hype was/is about.

18. Deivid Silva

Nice backhand attack. Should be plenty of rights to keep him on Tour.

17. Nat Young

Freckled face devil spawn from Santa Cruz, hopefully Natty breaks out and ends the year higher than this, if only to have people get frustrated and use him as an example of someone who is overrated by judges. Like Daeiouiavid, should be plenty of rights for him to stay on.

16. Leonardo Fioravanti

Leo is blah. Would be way cooler to learn that he had brothers named Donatello, Raphael, and Michaelangelo.

15. K-Hole Andino

Still looking for that elusive first win… will probably still be waiting. Rated lowly due to me needing to place him somewhere.

14. Kanoa Igarshi

2021 was a year of semi-fulfilled opportunities for Mr. Japan, him having placed in the Top 10 and winning silver at the Olympics. Bet he was wishing to do more. The chance of becoming a global superstar could dwindle if he does poorly early. If that happens, we can only wish that we’d witness a claim from him where he screams and punches himself in the face for all of us.

13. Conner Coffin

Surprise Top 5 finalist. Looking for him to fall back a little bit, but should remain on Tour, entertaining all the folks with his Live Musical Performance at Trestles brought to you by Fermensch Kombucha and b-Vibe Butt Plugs, where he will perform his version of Steal My Kisses to a bunch of zealous OC white people.

12. Frederico Morais

Seems about right. Not a Top-fiver (I was hoping through Barra that he’d somehow qualify for the Final at Trestles), but judges like his surfing.

11. Seth Moniz.

Phenomenal body.

10. Jack Robinson

Seth and Jack should benefit from better waves on Tour this year, rather than having to surf garbage Australian beachbreaks all year. Would have put Jack higher, except I can’t trust that he’s going to be able to put everything together. Barra was encouraging last year and hopefully not an anomaly, but… nothing.

9. Morgan Cibilic

What a year 2021 ended up being for Little Morgan: a Top 5 finish! A surprising performance for not really going to the air. Like compatriot Liam, Morgan surfs simply, feasting on a diet of cutbacks, off-the-tops, and bottom turns, which are not a move. Unlike Liam, Morgs rips, really sinking his teeth into waves, devouring them as if he were sampling his favorite willow or maple bark. Rated lower than he placed last year just because.

8. Griffin Colapinto

Griff finished just outside the Top 5 last year because he boofed Barra. No matter, he would’ve been pulverized by Fil or Gabe anyway. Well-rounded and seemingly never suffering from constipation, Griff could do really well this year, so well that this ranking might be criminal by year’s end, but the people ahead of him have other things going for them…

7. Yago Dora

“Thing 2 would like to clarify that just because he wears the number 2 does not imply in any way that he’s inferior to Thing 1.” He’s better.

6. Jordan Michael Smith
“

This is Jordy’s year!” Everyone, every year.
Still, getting older, I can see the judges breaking down enough for him to get his own Joel Parkinson Lifetime Achievement Award World Title.

5. Gabriel Medina

Before opting out of Pipe, Gabe ranked Number 1 in these rankings (still, he probably should), but has been bumped down a little based on the uncertainty around when he is coming back. His surfing has always been more important in a jersey than outside of it, so it is a little disorienting to know that he will not be competing. Still, let’s hope he gets back and smites everyone down to re-claim his throne.

4. Italo Ferreira

Easily the most exciting surfer on Tour, Ike could prove to be a big beneficiary of Gabe dropping off Tour. The absence of a clearly superior Gabe in barreling, hollow lefts, while also probably boosting backsiders, could potentially make Ike’s surfing more appealing to the judges, as he will be the preeminent goofy on Tour with no real comparison on Tour. Without being compared to Gabe, Ferreira will look better.

3. John John Florence

If these rankings were based only on skill and ability, JJF would rank first, easily. At full-strength, as we saw in 2017 and the first half of 2019, John John is nearly unbeatable. Unfortunately, despite his focus on wellness and fitness, he appears to be injury prone, missing time each of the last three seasons due to a broken body. If only the Whoop bracelet could keep your knees from exploding…

2. Kelly Slater

Based purely on the amount of discussion he evokes around himself and whatever else the fuck he wants to talk about, Kelly is the most important surfer in the world. Unfortunately, potentially missing the Australian events, we might not see Jimmy too long on Tour this year in the water. No matter, that probably just means we’ll get to see more of that bulbous snout on-screen as part of the call-ins during the contests for faded pros, which Kelly is not, least of all in his own mind.

1. Filipe Toledo

The 2022 World Champion of the Finals at Lower Trestles.