Donate here in lieu of WSL responsibility.

The World Surf League sure is in a heap of mess right now. What with champion Joel Tudor demanding responsibility for rumored decimation of the longboard world tour, jettisoning of the once ballyhooed WSL Studios and… general incompetence, I supposed, it finds itself adrift like an unmanned, badly burned cargo ship filled with luxury cars.

Well, to add injury to insult*, Sally Cohen, a professional longboarder on the rumored decimated longboard world tour, was gravely injured last year at Surf Ranch whilst practicing for the event there and has turned to the public in order to help pay catastrophic bills.

Per her GoFundMe:

I lost 4 of my front teeth, received more than 30 stitches on my chin, and a fracture to the jaw. Although I was rushed to the hospital, the hospital was at full capacity so I received all of my medical attention in the hallway and unfortunately due to the poor medical attention, things didn’t heal as hoped (frown face)

Hi. My name is Sally Cohen. I am a professional surfer currently on the WSL world longboard tour. Last year I was practicing for an event at the Surf Ranch, where I suffered a terrible accident; a surfboard to the face. This surfboard hit my chin, resulting to: two huge lacerations, 30+ stitches, 4 lost front teeth, and a fracture to the jaw. I received all of my medical attention in the hallways, due to the hospital being at full capacity. I had no call buttons, barely any help/attention, and I felt completely helpless for hours at a time. They didn’t have any space for me.

But hours later, they gave me stitches on my face and a temporary splint to hold my teeth together, since they didn’t have an oral surgeon at that location.

A few days later, I found an oral surgeon that took me in as an emergency case, where I received a CT scan and was informed that I had to remove all four of my front bottom teeth.

What was meant to be a four day trip, ended up being quite an expensive month-long trip.

RECENT UPDATE:
[6 months since my injury] I recently found an oral surgeon in Hawaii that took a CT scan of my mouth and informed me with both some good and bad news.

Good News: My gums are finally healed and ready for dental implants.

Bad News: My insurance refused to cover any of the expenses regarding this accident, since they considered all of the procedures “cosmetic”…

As many of you may know, it really hasn’t been the easiest year for me with back to back injuries. Currently I am out of the water, healing from a second surgery on my foot. This was related to an unexpected freak accident… The wood on the balcony of a friend’s porch was rotten and I fell through it and landed on the concrete from 2 floors up…

I’m not one to normally ask for help or for donations, but after paying off all of my previous medical bills and receiving another pile of bills to pay off, I realized I can’t do this alone.

No amount is too small, anything truly helps. I appreciate all of the love and support from all of you and can’t wait to get back in the water with high hopes to be 100% myself again.

… Even though, as of now, it seems like that’ll be in a few years… I can’t wait!!

Wait. How is the World Surf League not paying for an injury sustained by one of its athletes at one of its pools ahead of one of its events?

Hmmmm.

Donate here in lieu of WSL responsibility.

*Injury to insult, in this context, is good no?

Whoa.

In the other major geopolitical story currently demanding attention, Russia officially began an invasion of neighboring Ukraine roiling international markets and causing much fear and trepidation. Russia had been building forces along Ukraine’s borders for weeks though an actual full scale “invasion” seemed unlikely and caught the world by great surprise.

As is the new way, in America, this great surprise led to much finger pointing about who was to blame. Some felt that Trump precipitated the troubles with his “destabilizing” something ratherness. One-time Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney made it known that his erstwhile foe Barack Obama was actually at fault for mocking him at a debate and took the opportunity to mock back.

Ex-Congresswoman from Hawaii, democrat, noted surfer and friend of Kelly Slater Tulsi Gabbard thrust current American President Joe Biden, who also happens to be a democrat, and the North Atlantic Treaty Organization into the spotlight, taking to Twitter and writing, “This war and suffering could have easily been avoided if Biden Admin/NATO had simply acknowledged Russia’s legitimate security concerns regarding Ukraine’s becoming a member of NATO, which would mean US/NATO forces right on Russia’s border. Biden/Harris tell us we must bear the cost to defend freedom in Ukraine. But while you & your family struggle with higher prices, the Power Elite won’t suffer at all. And if the conflict goes nuclear, they’ll be safe in busy, massive bunkers while you & your loved ones fry.”

Whoa.

Gabbard makes a fine point at the beginning, I think. Treating Russia like it should have absolutely zero sovereignty and/or that NATO is only ever purely benevolent is… untenable and silly. Frying with our loved ones during a horrible nuclear winter, though, seems a bit much.

No?

What does Kelly Slater think?

More as the story develops.

A bold sexual revolutionary with a truly obscene ruthlessness!

The former-pro-surfer-and-comic-turned-DJ Paul Fisher, who trades under the stage name FISHER and who makes provocative videos that’ll make you want to twist your nipples in the dark, has revealed a bank of sexually explicit homosexual fantasies on the podcast Darling Shine!

FISHER, you’ll remember, delighted bar patrons in Las Vegas last year by gatecrashing his wife’s thirtieth birthday celebration at an all-male revue, performing a striptease act of his own, twitching like a dynamo and simulating forced fellatio, cunnilingus and coitus live on stage.

 

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You can sense his hate for the legions of vaginally frigid out there, preferring the souped-up voltage of a clitoris ready to spring.

And, now, on a podcast hosted by his wife Chloe and her pal Ellidy Pullin, FISHER has revealed his most explicit sexual fantasies.

“I would definitely have to fuck Hemsworth,” said FISHER as he played a game called Fuck, Marry, Kill, “That thing, imagine slapping that fucking arse, it’s pretty good.”

Host Emily suggested FISHER should marry Hemsworth thereby guaranteeing multiple sexual excursions.

FISHER then nominated the mixed martial artist and former UFC champion in both the featherweight and lightweight divisions Conor McGregor as someone whom he would enjoy getting down on his knees behind and examining the machine more attentively before, cock stiff as a drainpipe and as red as a cheap piece of fishing tackle, working away like a billy goat.

FISHER nominated another UFC fighter, Luke Rockhold, as the person he would kill.

In the same podcast, FISHER and Chloe also talk of the travails of trying to have a kid via IVF.

A mixed bag, as they say.

Well shoots.

It felt like only minutes ago, though in reality it was probably months/years, that the World Surf League had decided that “content” and “media” was its future thereby launching the ambitious WSL Studios and poised for riches.

Films.

Shows.

HBO etc.

Well, an explosive new rumor, from a great and handsome source, has just floated across BeachGrit‘s perpetually sunny horizon, like a World War II balloon bomb of old, that declares the much ballyhooed WSL Studios was shuttered overnight, multiple employees fired without warning, and this is the end?

Of that?

Heir of publishing money who turned it into hedge fund capital and a co-Waterperson of the Year title Dirk Ziff, who purchased the World Surf League, then the Association of Surfing Professionals, for free some ten years ago, has sunk over an alleged half billion United States dollars into the venture but decided that the only thing that matters is the tours and the shoulder content associated with the selfsame tour, not independent films based upon the “Rise and Fall of Gabriel Medina” which may have been very good.

The sparkling white Vans sporting Erik Logan, brought over from the highly successful Oprah Winfrey Network, was theoretically the man for that WSL Studios job. His place remains safe, as CEO of the whole shebang for the time being, but tens of others are out on the streets, maybe starving, and without warning.

This whole business is, theoretically, supposed to be kept mum until Friday but thank you BeachGrit for hustling the news forthwith because Friday is generally not chill for news.

I am almost certain that “Thank you, BeachGrit” is uttered in the Ziff household nightly.

Longboarding.

And, as always, more as the story develops.