Seminal surf writer begs important question, “Is Snapper Rocks the earthly manifestation of Dante’s Purgatory?”

"The similarities are uncanny. The hopelessness, the wage of sins, the punishment, the agony and the ecstasy."

Compare this classic piece of art depicting the lamentations of hell with a typical day at Snapper Rocks.

Mikey Wright at Snapper. Photo: Andy Shield

The similarities are uncanny. The hopelessness, the wage of sins, the punishment, the agony and the ecstasy.

Could Snapper rocks be a Holy site? It certainly has the pedigree.

The history of bloodshed, the worship of the Holy Immaculate sands of the Goldie, the mythology of its saints (Think Saint Michael… Peterson that is), the trial by fire and the price one must pay for absolution and re-birth.

In compelling new evidence of this theory, regard the two images above.

And let us examine the revelations and parallels of this classic art depiction of the Biblical lamentations.

Center top: The man in control, the man in the tube. The man who by all rights has the power. In this case…God. (Or Mikey Wright, same thing).

Bottom right: A tortured soul attempting to get to his feet despite ruining everything for everyone, while ignoring the screaming banshee above him who has already dropped in on the rightful rider and is trying in vain to call the new offender off the wave. Collision imminent.

Bottom left: A sinner and his MF softtop, obliviously out of his league, having mistimed his brutal drop in and now facing a trip over the falls, ruining the ride for all concerned. Collision imminent.

Middle: The lamentations of all who have missed their chance, hands on foreheads or noses buried in their wax. Images of excruciating hopelessness and loss.

Top Left: And finally, gracefully walking on water, forgiven and lovely, is Saint Stephanie (Gilmore that is) rising above the greed, the avarice, the humiliation and the shame. The angelic local, taking her rightful place at the right hand of the tube.

May God smite the man who would ever drop in on her.

Oh, Snapper Rocks, forgive us our trespasses as we never forgive those who trespass against us.

Let us prey…and that is not a misspelling.

Bruce Irons and The Eddie.
Bruce Irons and The Eddie.

Yet another monstrous swell steams toward Hawaiian islands as the “Winter of Wild” shows no sign of easing!

Can there ever be too much surf?

It was announced, yesterday, that Hollywood funnyman and one-time Malibu local Jonah Hill is moving to the Hawaiian island of Oahu and what a bounty for the residents there. Pure joy. Well, as a noted surfer, Hill is moving at the right time as 2022’s Winter of Wild shows no sign of easing with yet another swell event on the way.

According to the Honolulu Star-Advertiser, “Forecasters predict dangerously large breaking waves of 25 to nearly 40 feet on Niihau, Kauai, Oahu and Molokai. Waves of 22 to 26 feet are expected along the north shores of Maui, and Hawaii island is anticipated to see waves between 8 to 12 feet.”

Not big enough to run The Eddie, I suppose, which didn’t run again this year even though there were more waves that Hill could shake a log at.

David Lee Scales and I did not discuss The Eddie when we met together yesterday for our weekly chat but we did talk about there perilous position WSL CEO Erik Logan finds himself in as well as the correct way to pop up on a surfboard.

Enjoy, if you feel in the mood.

Celebrated Hollywood funnyman Jonah Hill set to shutter $9 million “windowless monolith” in Malibu Colony and move to tropical Waikiki as announced in post from girlfriend Sarah Brady, “Two more months and we get to call this gorgeous place home!”

"The island will be blessed to have you."

Academy Award nominated actor-cum-director Jonah Hill will move from his nine-million dollar “windowless monolith” with its 3600 square feet of lebensraum in Malibu Colony, a guarded, gated beachfront setup footsteps from the point made famous by anti-hero Miki Dora, according to a post, since edited, from his girlfriend Sarah Brady. 

Brady a twenty-ish environmental activist and anthropologist with a bachelor degree in Cognitive Science & Sustainability from the University of California, Santa Cruz (2015-2019) posted a photo of her and Hill at Waikiki, the pair sitting side by side on their respective logs, hands tenderly imprisoned, a secret fire burning only for each other, Hill’s hair flying like a golden banner, Diamond Head perfectly framed behind the lovers. 

“Two more months and we get to call this gorgeous place home,” writes Brady.

A roll call of well-wishers, and one comic replying to Hill’s quip that he was going to marry all our mamas, were quick to offer congratulations. 

same!! we might be moving around the same time

I’ll be there in May. What would you like for a house warming gift? 

The Island will be blessed to have you. ❤️❤️❤️. Our daughter is still there. Maybe you’ll meet some day.

So cool of you to stick with him after he proposed to my mom

Shortly after making the post, the caption was edited to read, “Really missing this.” Gone the mention of moving to Oahu.

Was the cat let out of the bag too early? 

Or was thirty-eight-year-old Hill, a surf veteran of two years and whose modernist mansion came with deeded beach rights, hit with a sudden reluctance to shuck his Malibu crown?

Pray for Ukraine etc. 

Professional World Surf League longboarder who suffered catastrophic injury while practicing for event at Surf Ranch turns to goodness of others to pay exorbitant medical bills!

Donate here in lieu of WSL responsibility.

The World Surf League sure is in a heap of mess right now. What with champion Joel Tudor demanding responsibility for rumored decimation of the longboard world tour, jettisoning of the once ballyhooed WSL Studios and… general incompetence, I supposed, it finds itself adrift like an unmanned, badly burned cargo ship filled with luxury cars.

Well, to add injury to insult*, Sally Cohen, a professional longboarder on the rumored decimated longboard world tour, was gravely injured last year at Surf Ranch whilst practicing for the event there and has turned to the public in order to help pay catastrophic bills.

Per her GoFundMe:

I lost 4 of my front teeth, received more than 30 stitches on my chin, and a fracture to the jaw. Although I was rushed to the hospital, the hospital was at full capacity so I received all of my medical attention in the hallway and unfortunately due to the poor medical attention, things didn’t heal as hoped (frown face)

Hi. My name is Sally Cohen. I am a professional surfer currently on the WSL world longboard tour. Last year I was practicing for an event at the Surf Ranch, where I suffered a terrible accident; a surfboard to the face. This surfboard hit my chin, resulting to: two huge lacerations, 30+ stitches, 4 lost front teeth, and a fracture to the jaw. I received all of my medical attention in the hallways, due to the hospital being at full capacity. I had no call buttons, barely any help/attention, and I felt completely helpless for hours at a time. They didn’t have any space for me.

But hours later, they gave me stitches on my face and a temporary splint to hold my teeth together, since they didn’t have an oral surgeon at that location.

A few days later, I found an oral surgeon that took me in as an emergency case, where I received a CT scan and was informed that I had to remove all four of my front bottom teeth.

What was meant to be a four day trip, ended up being quite an expensive month-long trip.

[6 months since my injury] I recently found an oral surgeon in Hawaii that took a CT scan of my mouth and informed me with both some good and bad news.

Good News: My gums are finally healed and ready for dental implants.

Bad News: My insurance refused to cover any of the expenses regarding this accident, since they considered all of the procedures “cosmetic”…

As many of you may know, it really hasn’t been the easiest year for me with back to back injuries. Currently I am out of the water, healing from a second surgery on my foot. This was related to an unexpected freak accident… The wood on the balcony of a friend’s porch was rotten and I fell through it and landed on the concrete from 2 floors up…

I’m not one to normally ask for help or for donations, but after paying off all of my previous medical bills and receiving another pile of bills to pay off, I realized I can’t do this alone.

No amount is too small, anything truly helps. I appreciate all of the love and support from all of you and can’t wait to get back in the water with high hopes to be 100% myself again.

… Even though, as of now, it seems like that’ll be in a few years… I can’t wait!!

Wait. How is the World Surf League not paying for an injury sustained by one of its athletes at one of its pools ahead of one of its events?


Donate here in lieu of WSL responsibility.

*Injury to insult, in this context, is good no?


Tulsi Gabbard, one-time Hawaii Democratic congresswoman, noted surfer and friend of Kelly Slater, excoriates western “power elites” for bungling Ukraine crisis: “If this conflict goes nuclear, they’ll be safe in cushy, massive bunkers while you & your loved ones fry.”


In the other major geopolitical story currently demanding attention, Russia officially began an invasion of neighboring Ukraine roiling international markets and causing much fear and trepidation. Russia had been building forces along Ukraine’s borders for weeks though an actual full scale “invasion” seemed unlikely and caught the world by great surprise.

As is the new way, in America, this great surprise led to much finger pointing about who was to blame. Some felt that Trump precipitated the troubles with his “destabilizing” something ratherness. One-time Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney made it known that his erstwhile foe Barack Obama was actually at fault for mocking him at a debate and took the opportunity to mock back.

Ex-Congresswoman from Hawaii, democrat, noted surfer and friend of Kelly Slater Tulsi Gabbard thrust current American President Joe Biden, who also happens to be a democrat, and the North Atlantic Treaty Organization into the spotlight, taking to Twitter and writing, “This war and suffering could have easily been avoided if Biden Admin/NATO had simply acknowledged Russia’s legitimate security concerns regarding Ukraine’s becoming a member of NATO, which would mean US/NATO forces right on Russia’s border. Biden/Harris tell us we must bear the cost to defend freedom in Ukraine. But while you & your family struggle with higher prices, the Power Elite won’t suffer at all. And if the conflict goes nuclear, they’ll be safe in busy, massive bunkers while you & your loved ones fry.”


Gabbard makes a fine point at the beginning, I think. Treating Russia like it should have absolutely zero sovereignty and/or that NATO is only ever purely benevolent is… untenable and silly. Frying with our loved ones during a horrible nuclear winter, though, seems a bit much.


What does Kelly Slater think?

More as the story develops.