Secret journals reveal California’s great hope for its first world surfing title in 32 years was riddled with self-doubt in lead-up to debut victory in Portugal, “I feel like a little kid not knowing my place. I have bad self-talk and mind movies of myself losing!”

"One of my life purposes is to show and hopefully inspire vulnerability."

Six days ago, Californian surfer Griffin Colapinto shocked surf fans by beating the world’s sharpest surfer in waves waist-high and under at the MEO Pro Portugal.

Colapinto, who is twenty-three, beat two-time world champ John John Florence in his semi-final before besting Filipe Toledo in the final. Kelly Slater and Kolohe Andino were scalped in earlier heats. 

His bulletproof confidence shown through the event, one in which he would rule as lord and master, has now been revealed as a chimera after Colapinto released two pages of his event diary today. 

Under the heading Portugal Feels, Colapinto writes, 

“I have had mixed feelings about this contest. At 1st I think I’m going to do good then when I’m in the water I feel like a little kid not knowing my place. It’s been hard trying my different equipment not quite sure what I’m going to ride in the contests. I’ve also noticed myself having bad self-talk and mind movies of myself losing in the contest. My surfing feels inconsistent. I may be making this feel too much about the contest when the funnest things are away from it that I do with our crew and friends. I will make the fun stuff in-between what I am here for. The contest can be a bonus.

“I think about being back on the Challenger Series and what other people will think of me. The bottom line is I determine my happiness. Not what other people think. My pursuit for my World Title is a game I’m playing with myself, to see what I’m capable of.” 

Colapinto expanded upon the themes of self-doubt and not living under self-deception in the message page. 

I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to post these journal writings but I remembered that one of my life purposes is to show and hopefully inspire vulnerability. You’ll notice the vulnerability in my spelling and hand writing;) hehe I Did these writings about a quarter of the way through our Portugal trip and a day before the contest started. It’s pretty nuts what the mind will throw at you when you’re under pressure. I feel one of the best ways to handle it, is to get it out of your head and on to paper. Although the hardest part is being truly honest with your self. You really gotta ask yourself a question like, “Am I feeling confident going into this?” If you feel the friction in your stomach when you ask yourself this question then you probably aren’t feeling the way you wanna feel. So if you feel the stomach friction go from there and say “no I am Not feeling confident” so now you accept the elephant in the room. Then you ask yourself “why”. Then you will go deeper and start realizing how you are viewing your situation and More.. Moral of the story is ask yourself questions and figure out how you can get yourself to feel better. This message is for the people that seem to keep getting knocked down but never give up. Your time is coming

 

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History did thus record Colapinto in heroic pose on podium at Peniche, destined to shake the world.

The power of evocation sends shivers down the spine.