Beloved surf identity calls for prudence in the ocean as sharks driven insane by floating cows.
It would hardly be a stretch to describe Jedaum Smith, co-host of the insanely popular podcast Ain’t That Swell, as one of the world’s most loved surf broadcasters.
Smith is rowdy and insolent, rarely sycophantic, contains an infectious vivacity and is, I think, at the zenith of his powers.
(His writing, which is part Hemingway, part Gertrude Stein, part Mao Zedong, is a highlight on the Stab website.)
Almost tragedy then, yesterday, when a Great White shark, likely a juvie, six feet or so, lit up in a feeding frenzy next to Smith and former champion Western Australian surfer Geremy Blake at Belongil, that gorgeous sandspit that runs north of Byron Bay.
The pair were surfing four-foot brown-water tubes when the shark hit, “smashed a fish near me and Gezza and did a triple spinning pike flip,” says Smith, who issued a public service announcement about the encounter, warning surfers of the danger of sharks, all gassed up and feisty as hell as they feed on livestock washed into the ocean.
“Twenty cows headed out the Tweed River from Murwillumbah. Watch them Noahs,” warned Smith.
Belongil ain’t a stranger to hits from Whites.
Three years ago, a Byron surfer had to be airlifted to hozzy after being bitten on the thigh by a juvie White.
A pal described the scene as, “a lot of thrashing and splashing. He started screaming, we didn’t realise until we paddled back to the beach that there was a big chunk taken out of his leg. There was a lot of blood, a lot of bleeding. When I heard the screams he was making in the water and then I saw a chunk of his board floating off, that’s when I realised it was pretty bad. He was conscious but … his eyes were drifting around a bit, he seemed a bit dizzy. He was saying his breathing was labouring … overall I think he was alright, he was just in a bit of shock.”
A good time to be prudent in the surf.
Usually only plumbers make that much!
With California on his mind 🤣
Surf journalists aren’t what they used to be. Derek Hynd paddled back out and surfed J Bay alone minutes after Fanning’s shark attack.
Are you kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiding me!?
THE MAESTRO OF MICRODOSING bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahah fucking tool
I’d like to read Jed without getting a Stab sub.
I’ve been considering getting a Stab sub. Does that make me a cunt?
Mikey – if you’re reading – give me a free subscription.
I thought you were independently wealthy now with your Bitcoin haul? Monarch of a Glen? Laird McChazzles?
Ha, I sold a bit early but still with enough to pay off all my debts. That in itself feels pretty wealthy. But I’ve got bad habits, as you know.
Got some stickers in the mail at work yesterday, btw! Thanks, they look quality. World Surf Legume is a belter.
Debt free is good. Enjoy!
Well yeah of cause there’s sharks. Read the room. Give it some time. Maybe grab a broom and help clean up a flooded town. Mullum, Ballina
Jedaum ?
Interesting…
Is his girlfriend named Lafawnduh ?
P.S.
What’s the officially measured ‘distance between the eyes to headwidth ratio’ to determine his tendencies for truthfulness ?
Derek, https://news.google.com/art…
Fact Check- counted 17 ” cows” in supplied photo, several may be no more than logs.
LA elite clientele.
Good on him, gotta pay your dues and put up with a lot of arseholes and issues to climb that totem pole.
Did you just call Connors mothers father an arsehole with issues ?
His Dads just a successful Chippie.
True, his dad is a ‘successful chippie’, but also, his mum’s dad always ensured that his daughters children were always going to be well taken care of, and has spent his whole life trying not to be careless, women and children can afford to be careless, but not men…
Ha…that’s a safe bet. She’ll probably bust out a “No Fear” sticker just to complete the ensemble.
That’s her “secret turn”. Well, the turn is obviously not secret, anymore, but it’s name was, up until now. That turn is called the “dead cow floating by”. Go figure, right?
A bloated fat cow ?
Jeez it was solid this morning here. If the low hit just that bit further south and we got the offshore wind like up the coast it would have been monumental.
Not that I would have went out,
we just have to cull/eliminate all juveniles……everywhere
Humans ?
Or sharks ?
Turkeys ?
Or Peacocks ?
Jedaums ?
Or Lafawnduhs ?
Could probably milk the contents of this story for a few days.
Chocolate milk.
Cows with guns!
He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue
Thanks for the use of “Hozzy”, Derek. That term instantly triggers memories of family meals from the 70’s – chops, boiled peas, mashed spuds and maybe cabbage, with mum telling dad how Aunty Noelene had to be taken to the Hozzy. Problems “down below”.
Hozzy is a new one to me… added to the lexicon with no delay!
We always called it “hostipul”.
Yeah fuck that. The GW’s must be just feasting hardcore right now. Post rain event surfs always freak me out.
Let’s see… spot where shark attacks have occurred, muddy brown floodwaters, tempting bait (dead cows) floating around. I know… let’s go for a surf! Genius.
Surfing whenever a river mouth blows out is ALWAYS a bad idea. When I lived in central and south America the chocolatey sandbar tubes were too much to resist and then giant logs that’d I be bobbing next to would blink. Logs don’t blink. But the caimans and crocs that lived hidden in mangroves went to FEED along with every form of tropical shark. Santa Clara River mouth at home here = same/same. SKETCHY
But I’ll be damned if that wave isn’t epic when the river blows. Really hard to resist. Surfed it solo one random arvo ten years back or so. Perfect wedging brown lefts and rights. Kept my feet up and was tripping the whole time but I couldn’t pass it up.
Yeah a bloke got bit there at the Tamarindo / grande river mouth a few years back. Ferk dat