"Makes it all worth it. Years of fake accounts just so I can follow my hero."
Where would we be without the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater? What would we do? Try to dream Kelly Slater up, is what, but it would be impossible. His melange of ludicrous skill, abject handsomeness, lack of aging, celebrity friends is just too much to believe to say nothing of his robust social media engagement.
There is no one with whom the 11x champion won’t chat. Other celebrities limit their correspondence to other celebrities creating a circle of dull but Slater is different. Slater will chat with me, with you, with those who believe the earth is flat, with the President of the United States, with your mailman.
Slater, though, doesn’t suffer fools or those with inappropriate or appropriate questions or etc. and so sometimes this chatting leads to a swift block.
Our very own Karl Von Fanningstad actually dug into the books and discovered that Slater is the all-time blocks leader.
Wow.
Well, for those have been “posterized” by the aforementioned world’s greatest surfer, there is now an association for you to join. A club of sorts. If you have been rejected by Kelly Slater then you are afforded the opportunity to purchase an exclusive t-shirt. The front is the image you see when searching for Slater’s profile. The back reads “The world’s greatest surfer blocked me on Instagram.”
Messages are already pouring in with one blockee declaring, “He even wrote a comment (before the block) back and told me to ‘mind my own business.’ Sound advice from the GOAT.” Another adding, “Makes it all worth it. Years of fake accounts just so I can follow my hero.”
Admission requires that you email proof of your blockage to [email protected]. Once verified, you will be emailed a link to Oregon’s greatest surf shop, pay the dues ($30 + shipping) then be sent your tee.
Imagine the joy you will feel seeing a fellow club member out on the streets. The sense of sisterhood.
Extremely anti-depressive.
Guess it’s time for me to tell Kelly to fuck himself because I need that shirt
Like to pick one up for my friends sonSign me up for one as a gift to the one and only “Child Pirate vs Kaelly Wave Co.” if you can hand write ‘My Son was” in washable ink on one of them. I will take 2 Larges. Who knows Child Pirate may have been the first?
It appears that his blocking efforts have resulted in a case of The ‘Rona™️.
When are you going to email me? Happy to send them out to all. I’ve just packaged about 16 envelopes last night. Post on Monday: QLD, NSW, NZ, Japan, HI, California, DC, Scotland.
whats the email again please?
Sammichjammich AT
Gmail.com
I just sent you the secret, confidential address of the PO BOX of the BatCave. Obviously, United States Postal Service does not deliver to the BatCave, because it’s a secret BatCave. But I sent you the PO BOX number, as this is where the Bat Cave gets its mail delivered. This mail is then hand delivered from the PO BOX to the secret location of the BatCave by Robin himself. (After looking over his shoulder every 20 seconds to be sure he is not being followed. The neighbors think Robin is a Crystal meth addict, but I assured them that he is not, he’s just very cautious about people following him to learn the secret location of the BatCave.). Thanks CB. If you could spare some, I’ll put one on the BatMobile. (And the BatMobile does not have any other stickers on it, because that would just look stupid on the BatMobile.)
Slater is such a fucking embarrassment.
I think I may be getting the threads and comments mixed up again…that photo definitely looks like it should go with the “I am an expert in getting my face slapped” article
Ok Chaz… “Mind your own business!”
Hey… that’s for a tee!!!
I want my “royaltees”!
Oh…
That’s for another tee!!!
I want my… own business!… ops! again!
Oh man…
Big farkin whoop. So Slater can block. But can he drain a crossover fadeaway floater in the paint with only 2 ticks left on the clock?
Go Tar Heels
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I’ve been married to a Tar Heel(girls there are hot AF and smart) for almost 31 years, even married her in Chapel Hill BUT I will not root for them on Saturday even if it means being on the tons of none train for a few days…As Cake sang I WILL SURVIVE!
Diana Ross “sang” (I will survive), Cake yodeled it…
Gloria Gaynor.
If you live in Florida you are not allowed to pronounce that name.
I hear the Versace Manse is a safe space for all things gay.
(And they have a nice bar upstairs…)
GG, as she was known wrote it. Diana,….she “SANG” it!
True! Ok, you forced to look this up! So Gloria Gaynor also sang it but Cake’s bass line makes their version pretty solid.
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Is it wrong to objectify Pam even if I’m not into blondes?
EVERY guy in the 80’s would have eaten her fartbox!
Fact check: TRUE.
Pretty sure the first naked photos I ever found on “the net” were of Pam. Dial up. In my parents bedroom while they were in the room next door watching tv. It was dicey every time. But worth it.
I could be convinced to do it today if I could wear a mouth condom…
I still would. But I’m a little more perverted than the average bear.
That t-shirt looks like it’s worth about $5 and that moustache is simply offensive.
If I knew how to work Disqus I’d block you.
At least I didn’t say anything about having a pecker on your neck.
If I was into worshipping I’d worship this comment. You’ll have to settle for an upvote!
THIS is why I come to BG as it distracts from serious life!
Cool. Then he’d be eligible for a “I was blocked by Chas Smith” tee shirt (a complimentary shirt should be sent to Ashton).
The important things in life….
Well done, Chas. If I had Instagram, I’d try and get blocked just to join the club. Nice one.
Can I get the code as I don’t have a personal IG acct and therefore cannot put in the effort to offend the self-anointed king of omnipotence