Vladimir Putin confirmed for Bali’s G20 summit meeting as Russian surfers complain of being locked out of the island’s cash machines in retaliation for Ukraine imbroglio, “We have lost our money! Our funds are frozen! We have big problem!”

Russian/Bali fact corner: An average of 1,150 Russians are pouring into Bali monthly.

It has been confirmed that, despite his bad judgement in world affairs, Russian President Vladimir Putin intends to join the G20 Summit in Bali, beginning November 15, 2022.

Rumored former supermodel and Lyudmila Vorobieva, currently the Russian Ambassador to Indonesia, was quoted saying her war criminal boss would show up despite, “A chorus of voices calling for the Russian Federation’s ouster from the G20. Which is obviously an inappropriate reaction to current circumstances”.

Vorobieva said, “Any move to remove Russia from the G20 would represent a retreat for an organization established to respond to the world economic crisis caused by COVID-19 and unite global forces to meet global economic challenges”.

Now it’s anyone guess if “Vlad the Impaler” Putin’s visit to Bali will have any side effect on his fellow comrades here being able to use the local ATM machines.

Most Russian surfers in Bali are encountering big problems trying to get money out of them.

One tall, incredibly handsome Russian surfer (I thought everybody was starving in breadlines over there?) complained he couldn’t access his blocked Russian bank account from any ATM in Bali. ‘

“This created big problem for us. We have lost our money, our funds frozen, Russian money werry bad here”. 

This son of an oligarch went on to say that he might actually have to find actual work in Bali. Something he has never had to do before.

Russian/Bali fact corner: An average of 1,150 Russians are pouring into Bali monthly. Many of them dispersed into the Canggu line-ups on all manner of softops. And, my God, are the Bikini clad Russian females a heart racing sight. 

To help out with the funky ATM’s, the Russian Embassy in Jakarta explained that the Russian Bank Pochta is offering a “virtual” credit card using Union Pay China instead of Visa or Mastercard.

In response to Russians trying to use these things, one Aussie surf cafe owner in Canggu was over said in Mandarin, “Nǐ dàodǐ zài zuò shénme.” (Which means “What in the hell are you doing? Where my money?”). 

Hard times, hard times. 

Hopefully Putin will be smart enough to exchange all his rubles for Rupiahs at the airport. 

Sex wax is going for ten bucks a pop here.