Shocking!
“A day of reckoning”, said Rabbit to kick off today’s proceedings. A touch dramatic, maybe, but it was in keeping with the tone of things to come – drama, intrigue, mystery!
And you’d be a hard man to deny Rabbit’s enthusiasm, perky, pink and lucid as he was at this stage in the proceedings.
Bells Beach is oft maligned as a suitable tour stop, but she was defiant today, smooth and pretty in the misty morning sunshine.
The waves were nothing like had been forecast, the energy in the broadcast team was palpable. It was as if an invisible bulk had been shifted, such was their relief that they wouldn’t need to pretend not to be able to see shitty waves.
I think it was Ronnie, but others too, who conceded that the forecast had been “crap”. A rare honesty that almost certainly wouldn’t have surfaced if not for the luck of good waves.
Though in situations like today when decent waves are on offer what possible reason is there not to run the overlapping heat format? This is how the rounds of 32 and 16 should be done every time.
There was lots of quality surfing worthy of discussion today, but if you’ll allow me to skip through with some notable bulletpoints so that I might reach the meat of today’s narrative…
Nat Young seems to have found favour with both pundits and heats. He put on a backhand clinic to dispatch god’s own messenger, Caio Ibelli, who might have to increase his prayer time. Young’s surfing seems to fit Bells like an elfin slipper.
Jackson Baker the Candlestick Maker did away with Bells Beach favourite Jordan Michael Smith. There was a little griping in the aftermath with Jordy’s claims of an interference, but it was a late and snide move that not even Jordy seemed convinced by. The resulting priority change rather than interference was the correct call.
Ethan Ewing must be the most promising Australian surfer in a decade? He’s certainly pleasing to the eye and his status as the Golden Child of the Tour was established again today. Richie Lovett was so effusive in his praise it bordered on lecherous. “Uhhhh…”, he said, “Ouuuhhhhh…Look how he loads up his thighs…”
Florence and Chianca juked out a blistering heat with both men holding high eights and nines in their final totals. It’s unclear to me how Joao Chianca can have made more of an impression than just about any other rookie, yet be uncertain of his place beyond Margaret River. If one surfer has cause to feel a little aggrieved about the cut it’s him.
A pudgy looking, slightly heavy-set Mick Fanning provided a nostalgic glimpse of the past today. The first turn of his 6.67 against Kanoa was vintage Fanning and would have been fit for any poster in his prime.
I noted earlier in the proceedings this week that I was warming to Kanoa Igarashi. After his claim in this heat I’d like to retract that statement. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a claim so flamboyant. It wouldn’t have been out of place as the finale to a stage musical. I only hope someone makes a truly excellent meme from it.
Kolohe squeaked past Jadson by 0.04 points. I didn’t catch this heat live but I’ve just watched the replay and thought it seemed a touch off. Kolohe’s alley oop on the outside was certainly nice, and with a degree of risk, but thereafter he nursed the wave to its conclusion. Hard to score, perhaps, but I didn’t like it.
And so to the first major narrative of the day…
Did you notice it?
That change…that something…just a little bit…better?
I do believe that was one of the best WSL broadcasts I’ve seen today.
Ronnie back as a steady hand was a factor. Rabbit and Richie’s contributions were solid. Shannon had a good dig at the post-heat interviews, and is far preferable when her ears are open and her mouth is closed.
As for Kaipo, I can think of no better place for him than chittering on a rescue sled, neutered and improved by the cold but largely unseen or heard. The best production decision in some time.
I did chuckle at the “Dometic Out The Back” tag. Not only was it a fine example of the WSL’s continually awkward brand alignments, but it was a fitting image for what should be done with Kaipo. Much like you might dispose of a body in an old freezer out the back, so Kaipo has been stashed away and will hopefully remain hidden.
Beyond Kaipo’s excommunication, the greatest improvement today was a concerted effort to interview the losers and ask them some decent questions. There was a smattering of this at both Sunset and Portugal, but I’m glad it’s now being established as protocol.
We we also treated to a new, voyeuristic style of broadcasting as the cameras and microphones eavesdropped on conversations.
We saw Griffin ask coach Tom Whitaker a question, then go glassy-eyed when the answer extended beyond three words.
We saw Jordy breach the ivory tower to confront the judges!
I can only presume that the WSL production has been influenced by the forthcoming Make or Break show. They’ve clearly been listening to someone. Public opinion, perhaps, but more likely the directives of the media company they’re hosting.
I wonder how tuned into this the surfers are? Have they been briefed, given stage directions by ELo in secret meetings?
Jordy, for one, seems like he might be a prime candidate for the role Daniel Riccardo plays in Drive to Survive.
Regardless, it might be working. All of a sudden we have a little story, a little drama. Partially scripted or at the very least self-conscious, perhaps, but at least we have surfers who are no longer mere pawns trapped behind a Wall of Positive Noise.
They are people, with voices, and they will be heard!
And what do the voices tell us? Well, as Derek reported earlier, there’s unrest within the ranks. It was first alluded to by Jordy, I believe, who made a cryptic reference to surfer’s meetings and uncertainty about Margaret River.
There is a whinging groundswell about the cut and the toys are out of the pram! It seems the surfers may be preparing for industrial action. How exciting!
Who’ll write the placards, I wonder? Certainly not Griffin.
And what might they say?
Answers and Kanoa memes below, please.
HEAT 1: Owen Wright (AUS) 13.67 DEF. Griffin Colapinto (USA) 12.34
HEAT 2: Nat Young (USA) 13.50 DEF. Caio Ibelli (BRA) 8.60
HEAT 3: Jackson Baker (AUS) 14.60 DEF. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 10.90
HEAT 4: Ethan Ewing (AUS) 15.73 DEF. Lucca Mesinas (PER) 9.90
HEAT 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.16 DEF. Mikey Wright (AUS) 14.67
HEAT 6: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 13.46 DEF. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 13.26
HEAT 7: John John Florence (HAW) 18.86 DEF. Joao Chianca (BRA) 17.73
HEAT 8: Morgan Cibilic (AUS) 14.93 DEF. Barron Mamiya (HAW) 13.50
HEAT 9: Mick Fanning (AUS) 15.77 DEF. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 14.83
HEAT 10: Callum Robson (AUS) 15.27 DEF. Frederico Morais (PRT) 13.43
HEAT 11: Miguel Pupo (BRA) 15.80 DEF. Deivid Silva (BRA) 15.53
HEAT 12: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.10 DEF. Jadson Andre (BRA) 14.06
HEAT 13: Imaikalani deVault (HAW) 13.84 DEF. Kelly Slater (USA) 13.77
HEAT 14: Jack Robinson (AUS) 16.17 DEF. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 9.90
HEAT 15: Samuel Pupo (BRA) 10.10 DEF. Jake Marshall (USA) 9.17
HEAT 16: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 14.00 DEF. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 13.00
Upcoming
Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach Men’s Round of 16 Matchups:
HEAT 1: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Nat Young (USA)
HEAT 2: Jackson Baker (AUS) vs. Ethan Ewing (AUS)
HEAT 3: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Connor O’Leary (AUS)
HEAT 4: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Morgan Cibilic (AUS)
HEAT 5: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Callum Robson (AUS)
HEAT 6: Miguel Pupo (BRA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
HEAT 7: Imaikalani deVault (HAW) vs. Jack Robinson (AUS)
HEAT 8: Samuel Pupo (BRA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach Women’s Quarterfinal Matchups:
HEAT 1: Courtney Conlogue (USA) vs. Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS)
HEAT 2: Bronte Macaulay (AUS) vs. Tyler Wright (AUS)
HEAT 3: Carissa Moore (HAW) vs. Stephanie Gilmore (AUS)
HEAT 4: Brisa Hennessy (CRI) vs. Johanne Defay (FRA)
Nat Young looks so good
O Wright flaring this morning
It’s Apple TV, but if you could mail them with that suggestion that would be fantastic!
Though I suspect I’ll remain right here with you lot, and likely be happier for it. I’ve already suggested to Derek that I’ll do post-show breakdowns of each episode.
I don’t know, if I was a cynical person, I’d say it was fortunate for that doco team to to be involved during what appears to be the great surfer rebellion!
Great read JP – totally agree!
The write-up was good, but not great…
newsflash: there were 16 heats, not 12, and you left out a scorcher, namely, Heat 13 where IdV beat Kelly. Did you accidentally edit out the remainder of your write-up?
If you knew the day I’d had you’d think it was borderline miraculous.
I think there were reports griff attempted an IQ test in his final years of schooling
When the examiner called time the poor bastard hadn’t managed to get past spelling his name
Like with all these things I blame parents…they could have called him Ben, or Sam
I wonder if he really is as dumb as he sounds.
He probably is.
equal parts dumb and annoying. I alluded to this after Portugal? and some other OC retard came shreaking hystericly to the comments section to defend him. Juries in now. If anyone still has doubts, check out his video blog thing. I was forced to watch a few minutes of it on a friends couch.
It’s ON! starting in 20minutes
What the hell are they doing?
I don’t know. Don’t think they do either. All I know is that the Call clock they have up on their website changed 3 or 4 times in the space of 5 minutes.
Guess they couldn’t get an ETA of when Jessy Miley Cyrus would finish her breakfast
They’re running men R16 first. Kick off 7.30
With the exception of the golden few… imagine the band of replacements we could assemble.
Better title for your article:
“WHITE LIGHTNING CRUSHES COOKIE MONSTER”
Gimme your best women’s quarters predictions for the first three heats?
Sea Tiger, Toiler and Riss.
That’s what I was afraid of. Fairly awful odds.
I want Brontë to do ok. She’s surfing well but Toiler has been cruising hasn’t hit 2nd gear yet.
If I never see a Wright do another layback in my life it’ll be too soon.
Yea, with you on that.
That double hand drag v is shit.
off for the day, hold your bets
For realz?
They must be storming the Judging tower.
The rev is real !
ye they just updated the clock on their website, next call in 30 hours
edited coz bad at simple math
That is actually such good news. I need some sleep!
dafuq, they just changed the call again
I predict the surfing will be shit compared to the men.
i got a multi on Defay, Ris, Bronte and Courtney.
Oh that’s a good ‘un
Another on Morgs, Callum and Kolohe.
You bet like me mate, shooting for the long odds. I can tell you from experience that it’s not a winning strategy! Not that I ever change it.
I only go the muliti’s when I’ve banked off the previous day.
In that case you’ve got far more composure than me.
2 really good heats – FIL v MICKEY and JJF v JOAO made the day worth watching along with a few other choice moments like Slater’s butthurtedness (spelling?) after losing and Jordy’s attempt to channel Medina with that bullshit paddle interference thing
Dawn at Bells, waves look clean. Can’t tell what size it is but looks smaller than yesterday
Send in the women!
I’m calling bs on all of it
Just like jordys attempted interference
Manufactured, scripted artificially created drama.
It will appropriately end with the sound of “CUT”
A lot of it felt fake indeed, especially the conversation Jordy was having on the stairs with some guy I couldn’t recognize. Reeked of BS.
Jordy’s attempt to cause an interference from Baker felt pretty real to me, though.
The attempted interference was definitely something we’d expect from Jordan Michael. However, he did seem to struggle getting into character on that conversation at the stairs.
I predict some deliciously cringe moments from Jordy in the new show.
Another great write-up, JP.
I agree, the broadcast yesterday was way above their shit standard.
Now if they can only get rid Shannon..
May 1968 this insurgence is not, but given the amount of soon to be bricklayers, will a placard be decorated with the slogan “The paving stones beneath the beach”?
Does Ronnie Blakey hate John? He always seems overly excited for his opponent. Ive noticed it in multiple events now.
Heats against Aussies?
and Brazillians. Just loves the ‘storm..
A quick flick of the wrist – and they’ll be struck off the list.
E-Lo’s response to the surfers is up on Stab and it’s delicious. 2000 words or so of classic Logan Corpo hyperbole. But the short version is effectively: you knew about this you cunts and we are digging in. Which you have to respect no matter your position on it.
However it now effectively has become a HR / industrial relations issue. Employees are striking over unfair dismissal and a variation to their employment contract they obviously feel they haven’t consented to.
Which begs the questions: who from the surfers association negotiated with WSL on the changes? Were all the surfers consulted? You would assume they signed a contract at the start of this season which explained the cut.
Or has that all actually happened and the surfers are only just now realising what it means?
Juicy.
Just got it sent to me before… GOLD!
Post it here so we can read it please!
I’m 100% sure Derek or Chas will be penning a story right now.
Are you sure though
No, they seem very slow lately. Would seem they’re not dedicating every second of their lives to providing us with our free content. Selfish pricks.
Keen to go on strike?
I don’t know about that. They don’t seem to write much past noon US west coast time, until Dez wakes up, then its noon AUS east coast time.
Did you listen to the lipped poddy? It certainly sounded like it was more thrust upon them than not. Oh well. Good job they have cameras following their every move. Should make for some good TV next year.
The cut has been openly on the table for awhile now. But yeah i’ll consider getting a Apple TV sub, so that says alot.
don’t. when the time comes I’ll share a free link. Fuck Apple
Well to be honest Pirate bay is just so easy to use…
Pirate bay? You might as well wear a big placard that says “boomer”
How do the young cool upstarts like yourself view free content?
EZTV for TV torrents and ygg torrents for everything else. There is plenty of others though. I wouldn’t trust anything I downloaded from Pirate not to have malware in it
Oh same shit different sandwich. I’ve used pirate bay since as long as I can remember not once encountered malware. It’s also one of the biggest proxy sites in the World.
Ha, fear of “malware” is such a boomer statement.
give us the goods!
If you don’t end up on Sky news I’ll be very surprised.
They are generally pretty dumb, so the latter.
I obviously don’t read stab, so what exactly was elo responding to? Jordys post heat interview? Or is there a formal statement from a group of ‘athletes’ addressed to the CEO?
Also, seems a good time to convince a disgruntled, cut-off ‘athlete’ to anonymously share said contract, would be curious to read that.
“Who’ll write the placards, I wonder? Certainly not Griffin.”
hahahahaha, brutal.
great writeup, and yes… finally some drama.
Losing to a 40 year old who hasn’t been on tour in 4 years means your not ready to be a world champion.