Small/fun.

But are you ready for professional surfing once again? The sizzling torpor of Turpel, the savagery of Slater? The beauty of Bells? Oh it seems like forever since our heroines suited up in chilly Portugal to do battle with each other and with nature and against the forces of inequality.

Much happened in that forever. Joel Tudor became the first sitting champion in sporting history to become banished. The aforementioned Kelly Slater delivered an award (?) to the James Bond franchise then witnessed Chris Rock become slapped by Will Smith thereby making this face.

Back to professional surfing, though. The Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach officially kicks off in four or five days, depending of which hemisphere is called home, and it is time to think about wave quality.

The World Surf League’s official forecaster, Surfline, has been a reliable propagandist organ piping out nonsensically upbeat predictions from behind the patented Wall of Positive Noise but are there cracks beginning to form? Truth seeping out? Let’s read together.

The Surf Coast is entrenched in an extended run of modest size, mediocre surf. It looks likely the smallish surf out of the west-southwest to southwest should linger into the first day of the event window. The silver lining — at this point — is the potential for much improved conditions as persistent onshore easterly flow ripping through the Bass Strait may finally relax.

“Mediocre” has never but never been penned. And do you think there is furiousness bubbling and boiling in the halls of Santa Monica, where the Senior Vice President of Tours and Head of Competition and Chief Executive Officer of the World Surf League develop secretive plans?

The outlook also included this cute line though… “Small/fun surf on Day 1 could see event run.”

I like when “fun” is used as a suffix for “small.”

Will Pip Toledo win?

A safe bet.

"Trestles it is not. But restricted access to Lighthouse Beach is no less tragic a tale."

Lighthouse Beach is a pretty, if unremarkable, stretch of sand squished between between Yoakam Point in the south and Cape Arago on its northern flank.

But, if you live in Oregon, maybe you learned to surf there, maybe it’s where you teach your kid to scramble into his/her/their first few walls.

This morning a missive from BeachGrit reader Loren Harwood, the email titled South Coast Fuckery.

“Sounds like an interesting article right?” writes Harwood. “I mean if anyone gives a flying fuck about a shitty little beach break on Cape Arago where children have learned to surf badly for generations.

“Far from the hallowed reefs of La Jolla or name brand breaks of Santa Cruz rests a charming little spot on the Oregon Coast called Lighthouse Beach. Closeout shithouse surf is miraculously transformed before your very eyes into consistent reef setups and hollow rights if you only look through the eyes of the 12 year old kid on a foamy grinning from ear to ear while hypothermia slowly creeps in through worn spots in his Craigslist acquired wetsuit.

“Enter transplants from SoCal via Wyoming with an MD after their name and behold the Allegory of the Cave, South Coast Style.

“Good old boy bullshit. Ah yes, the veneer must be preserved at all cost lest the vapors escape the carefully controlled environment that is Coos County.

“Trestles it is not. But restricted access to Lighthouse Beach is no less tragic a tale that, unlike Trestles, has become a reality in this place I call home.”

Lovers of LHB have created a website, freelighthousebeach.com, where you can donate to the cause, join the sit-in protests every Sunday and sign a petition.

The beach is for everyone, VALS excepted, no?

Or am I being old-fashioned?

Cornish eyes are crying.

But what would surfing’s long and important history be without its rivalries? Its famous blood feuds like Mark Occhilupo vs. Tom Curren, Kelly Slater vs. Andy Irons, Laird Hamilton vs. Father Time and perhaps hottest, North Devon vs. Cornwall?

The United Kingdom’s two premier surf regions have been locked in terrible battle since four Australian teens brought the sport of kings back to the motherland in 1929. Cornwall, and its rugged rights and lefts, its Fistral Beach and cold water flair, shaking its balled up fist north, shouting oaths at North Devon and its rugged right and lefts, its Croyde and cold water flair.

Pure hatred.

Well, in a move few saw coming, North Devon landed a knockout blow against its arch nemesis as, days ago, it was announced as the U.K.’s first “world surfing reserve.”

Per Auntie Beeb:

It joins a list that includes Malibu and Santa Cruz in California, and the Gold Coast and Manly in Australia. The WSR recognises the quality of the surf as well as the sport’s importance to the wider community. The WSR programme was launched in 2009 in California with the aim of “protecting surf ecosystems around the globe”.

The reserve covers about 30km (19 miles) of coastline.

A WSR spokesperson said: “Its high density of outstanding surf, at iconic breaks such as Croyde, Saunton, Woolacombe, and Lynmouth, caters to wave-riders from beginner to expert and a variety of surfing styles.”

Cornish residents, still reeling, are not the sort to take the shame lightly and authorities are worried about guerrilla tactics grinding the southern pendulum to a halt.

Waxed windscreens etc.

Dark days.