Best surfer in the world Kelly Slater, in
the wings at the just-wrapped Academy Awards wherein Chris Rock
became slapped by Will Smith, weighs in on imbroglio: “I was sorta
looking down then looked up and the whole place just went
uhhhhhhhh!”
By Chas Smith
Voice of reason.
Kelly Slater, world’s winningest surfer, gift,
50, still competing and crushing, etc. happened to find himself at
the just-wrapped 94th Academy Awards if you don’t already know. He,
alongside Tony Hawk and Shaun White, halfpipe skateboarder and
snowboarder respectively, to give an award (?) to the James Bond
franchise.
Well, as you know or should know, that 94th Academy Awards went
haywire after actor-cum-rapper Will Smith charged the stage in
order to slap CB4 star Chris Rock across the mouth sending an
entire industry reeling.
Slater was right there, in the wings apparently, and so what was
his take?
I won’t spoil.
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"They were teaching their young with the the injured
dolphins before finally ending it each time. It was amazing to
watch their strategies and very sobering." | Photo:
@healeywaterops
Big-wave surfer turned Hollywood stuntman
captures rare footage of killer whales slaughtering dolphins in the
wild, “Death by Orca would not be a preferred way for me to leave
this earth!”
By Derek Rielly
"We must have watched them kill at least three and
we left with them pursing more."
The Hawaiian Mark Healey, who rides giant waves even though he
weighs only eight stone six and who has the strength of an acrobat
on a tightrope, has posted rare footage of killer whales mowing
through a dolphin family off the Mexican coastline.
“We went out for a day of fishing and stumbled into something no
one expected,” Healey, who is forty, writes. “Orcas hunting and
killing dolphins! We must have watched them kill at least three and
we left with them pursing more. They were teaching their young with
the injured dolphins before finally ending it each time. It was
amazing to watch their strategies and very sobering. The fact that
they can take such agile and intelligent prey at will via team work
and strategy was an eye opener. In summary, death by Orca would not
be a preferred way for me to leave this earth.”
Orcas, of course, are the largest member of the dolphin family
but this means little when the happy lil Flippers are being hunted
in a series of high-speed and coordinated attacks from multiple
directions.
Healey’s peers in the surf world were quick to post their
appreciation, Kelly Slater enjoying the spectacle the most.
“Wow! Bucket list,” he wrote.
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Biggest storm since 74! | Photo:
@bennykappler
Unprecedented storm nearly wipes
Australia’s Bondi from face of the earth causing widespread panic
and giving World Surf League Senior Vice President, Tours and Head
of Competition powerful megaphone: “Climate change and its effects
are fast becoming one of the biggest talking points for many young
Aussies…”
By Chas Smith
The rise of a new political dynamo?
A powerful autumn storm smashed into
Australia’s east coast, battering the fatal shore and nearly wiping
Sydney’s iconic Bondi from the face of the earth. The ocean water,
tinged brown and angry, covered the entire beach and even washed up
onto the promenade where I used to sit and eat McDonald’s breakfast
sandwich and McCafe coffee.
The Bureau of Meteorology had a hazardous surf warning in
place for the NSW coast after a night of huge gusts in Sydney,
including one at 74 km/h inside Sydney Harbour.
Across NSW, State Emergency Service crews performed six flood
rescues in the 24 hours up to 5am Saturday, with the agency also
receiving 468 calls for help over that period.
Elsewhere in the state, flood victims were picking up the
pieces for the second time in little over a month.
Byron Shire’s deputy mayor said locals had little warning
about the damaging conditions that flooded the region for the
second time in a month earlier this week.
The paper, like most others, shared social media images of the
damage with most choosing to use World Surf League Senior Vice
President, Tours and Head of Competition Jessi Miley-Dyer’s as top
of the heap.
Bondi Beach this morning … There are some wild ocean
conditions around Sydney today following a run of abnormal weather
events on the east coast of Australia. Climate change and it’s
effects are fast becoming one of the biggest talking points for the
upcoming election for many young Aussies, including myself (and all
of us here in the electorate of Wentworth).
A powerful message amplified extraordinarily by the press.
But do you think this might be a paradigm shift for the onetime
professional surfer? Young Aussies coalescing around their new bold
leader, one who has already shown bravery under fire by taking down
the caustic champion of professional longboarding?
Young Aussies has a nice ring to it.
Very Atatürk-esque.
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Reigning world surfing champion Gabriel
Medina recovering at beachfront mansion after shock surgery, “Now I
know what it is like to breathe… I’m so happy, I’m at home,
recovering.”
By Derek Rielly
Maybe the reason for quitting the tour?
The three-time and reigning world surfing champion
Gabriel Medina is recovering from surgery for a deviated
septum it can be revealed, an operation where the
bone and cartilage dividing the space between the two nostrils is
straightened.
Medina, who is twenty-eight, posted a short message on
Instagram, writing,
“A ton of people have been sending me messages – everything
is good guys. I had nose surgery (deviated septum). I’ve always
breathed poorly but now I know what it is to breathe. I’m so happy.
I’m at home, recovering…good night everyone.”
The champ spent one night at the fabulously named Israelita
Albert Einstein hozzy in São Paulo, one of the best hospitals in
South America, before returning home to his beachfront mansion and
“back to routine. Netflix diet.”
Now, a deviated septum ain’t fun, you get nose bleeds, sinus
infections, tough to breathe, you drive people nuts with your noisy
sleeping and so on.
Many, many causes, hits to the nose, growth defects, living the
high life with an emphasis on tropane alkaloid and
stimulants (see: Daniella Westbrook as
cautionary tale), although our Gabriel is notable
for his ascetic lifestyle therefore non-applicable.
If you don’t treat a busted septum, the resulting sleep apnea
can lead to strokes, high-blood pressure, heart
failure…depression.
Maybe the reason for quitting the tour?
In January, after sensationally stepping away from the tour,
Medina wrote,
“Last year, I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions in and
out of the water, which greatly affected my mental and physical
health.
“By the end of the season, I was completely drained. I’ve
reached my limit. In addition to the body, I have emotional issues
that I need to deal with. Recognizing and admitting to myself that
I’m not well has been a very difficult process and choosing to take
time to take care of myself was perhaps the hardest decision I’ve
ever made in my entire life.
I’ve wondered a lot lately if I should make this public or
keep it private, but it’s only fair that all of you who have always
rooted for me know the moment I’m facing. Mental health is very
important. I need to be 100% mentally to compete again.”
Medina, who split from wife Yasmin Brunet in January and who has
since reconciled with his estranged mama and step-daddy, as well as
his biological dad, last competed in September, 2021, when he put
Filipe Toledo to the sword at Lowers to win his third world
title.
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History’s most decorated surfer Kelly
Slater either contracts Covid at just-wrapped Academy Awards or
delivers most exquisitely subtle April Fool’s joke of all-time:
“This was my gift from the Oscars.”
By Chas Smith
Funny or cough.
What praise can be heaped upon Robert Kelly
Slater that hasn’t already been said, written, sang? The
world’s most historically decorated surfer, holding eleven
championship tour trophies alongside numerous Pipeline Masters, one
Pro Pipeline and at least one Eddie, is a once-in-a-lifetime
phenomenon the like our children’s children will be lucky to
experience.
Aside from surfing talent, though, Slater is a master at sleight
of hand, perpetually keeping fellow competitors, fans and
followers, plus blocked followers, perpetually off balance. Who
could forget when he accidentally stumbled into the Billabong House
to act weird in front of Andy Irons before their Pipeline showdown.
Accident? On purpose? The world will never know. Or when he
introduced his must-see-to-believe wave pool technology minutes
after Adriano de Souza won the 2015 professional surfing campaign
thereby erasing the effort. Or when he quit Quiksilver, the company
with which he had been inextricably tied, on April Fool’s Day thus
having a laugh out the door.
Speaking of April Fool’s Day, it came and went hours ago. The
Inertia made a funny about the WSL starting a midlength world tour.
Get it? Slater took to Instagram to declare that he contracted
Covid-19 at the just-wrapped Academy Awards where he presented an
award (?) to the James Bond franchise alongside Tony Hawk and Shaun
White.
