"The picturesqueness destroyed by legs spread much
too far apart and whole sections of delicious wave perfect for lip
bashes or wraps being sped right by without even a glance."
The story of how skateboarding was birthed from
surfing is well known by fans of both arts as well as by
the general non-skateboarding, non-surfing public. It has been
celebrated in documentary and feature films alike, the later, Lords
of Dogtown, starring Heath Ledger, Johnny Knoxville and Emile
Hirsch even receiving mixed reviews from a mainstream media not
generally under our sway.
In short, Venice Beach, California, then poor and hard-scrabble
with no yoga studios or fancy ice cream parlors, served as an
epicenter, a paradigm shifting few blocks that sent shockwaves
reverberating through all our lives. A crew of surf-first kids,
stymied by living in Venice, Beach California and not having any
waves worth surfing turned to skateboarding in order to fill the
singular hole in their various hearts.
They attempted to re-create what surf hero Larry Bertlemann was
doing on their sidewalks, “Bertsliding” all knees tucked in, hands
dragging the pavement exactly like Bert himself who plied his craft
on the gorgeous liquid quarterpipes of Oahu, Hawaii’s North
Shore.
Skateboarding, to this point, had been a nerd sport with nerds
doing tricks like weaving between cones and twirling on two wheels
whilst wearing competition jerseys and bifocals.
The Z-Boys, short for Zephyr Boys, which also included girls,
radically altered the scene by bringing surf to the streets and
that is where our story should end. Another gift our Pastime of
Kings has bestowed upon a supplicant humanity. Boardshorts, Mick
Fanning’s signature beer opening sandal and skateboarding but that
is where our story, in fact, begins for the Z-Boys also took their
skateboards into emptied swimming pools, using the gentle curves of
the pool walls to further emulate surfing then shooting above the
lip, or coping, into the air and grabbing their boards this way or
that way. Twisting that way or this way.
Soon we had methods, indies, melons, liens, stalefishes, 180s,
360s, 540s even, 720s.
Surfers, took notice and, beginning in the 1980s, began
emulating skateboarders attempting to rocket themselves into the
air above their liquid quarterpipe coping and method, indy, melon
and stalefish. The spins came later, in the 1990s and 2000s,
sometimes awkwardly, often misnamed but always filled with
reverence toward its origin and great shame when errors were made
public.
Skateboarding, in 2022, defines surfing more than surfing
defines skateboarding. Certainly we have our longboarders, as does
skateboarding, and our longboarding continues to define their
longboarding but both are ugly retrograde embarrassments. Also, we
have our big wave surfers, I imagine the equivalent of a downhill
skateboarder. Guts, an overwhelming feeling of personal
accomplishment but no broad appeal.
The state of the art, the only form of surfing that matters, is
found in modern applications. Modern street skating with modern
pool skating mixing itself in more and more. Modern surfing, as in
technical World Championship level, high performance thruster with
the wide point pushed forward a smidge, Italo Ferreira, Gabriel
Medina, sometimes even Julian Wilson modern surfing.
There are those who claim the best modern high performance
skateboard-derivative surfing is done in clips or on Instagram but
the state of the art is in competition, where tension is high,
hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars are on the line as well as
continuation on tour. Modern high performance skateboard-derivative
surfing done in clips or on Instagram is more than half luck, more
than half simple repetition. Even the least adroit professional
surfer can do something impressive if he gives his all to it and
places his filmer on the sand at a wave and has him record eighteen
hours a day for as long as it takes.
As in all arts the enjoyment increases with the knowledge of the
art, but people will know the first time they see this
skate-inspired surfing, if they go open-mindedly and only feel
those things they actually feel and not the things they think they
should feel, whether they will care for modern surfing or not.
They may not care for the new way at all, no matter whether the
surfing is good or bad, and all explanation will be meaningless
beside the obvious moral wrongness of the taking the Pastime of
Kings and turning into a skateboard-derivative fly fest, just as
people could refuse to drink vodka which they might enjoy because
they did not believe it right to do so. The comparison with vodka
drinking is not so far-fetched as it might seem.
Vodka is one of the most civilized things in the world and one
of the natural things of the world that has been brought to the
greatest perfection, and it offers a greater range for enjoyment
and appreciation than, possibly, any other purely sensory thing
which may be purchased. One can learn about vodka and pursue the
education of one’s palate with great enjoyment all of a lifetime,
the palate becoming more educated and capable of appreciation and
you having constantly increasing enjoyment and appreciation of
vodka even though the kidneys may weaken, the big toe become
painful, the finger joints stiffen, until finally, just when you
love it the most you are finally forbidden vodka entirely.
The thing, of course, is to avoid having to give up wine but
there seems to be much luck in all these things and no man can
avoid death by honest effort and this seems to have gotten away
from modern high performance surfing, but the point I was
attempting to make was that a person with increasing knowledge may
derive infinite enjoyment from vodka. So too, a man’s enjoyment of
surfing might grow to become one of his greatest minor passions if
he studies each nuance, each hand placement and knee tuck. Each pop
off the liquid coping and how the surfer’s head is placed and where
his arms are in relation to his body and if he is preparing to spin
this way or that way.
In vodka, most people at the start prefer to mix cheaper ones
like Absolut or Smirnoff with sugared cranberry water or orange
juice because of their taste masking abilities while later, with
enough effort in studying how to appreciate, they would trade all
these for a light but full and fine example of Beluga which is
distilled in Mariinks, Russia though it may be in a plain bottle
without label, dust, or cobwebs, with nothing picturesque, but only
its honesty and delicacy and the light body of it on your tongue,
cool in your mouth and warm when you have drunk it.
So too in modern high performance surfing, skateboard-derivative
surfing, at the start it is the picturesqueness of the entire
tableau, the color, the scene, the onshore breezes and very likely
palm trees swaying on the beach but these days pine trees swaying
too as modern high performance surfing can be practiced anywhere
there is both water and wave, even in Waco, Texas which has neither
palm nor pine but does have the foundation of the burned Branch
Davidian compound nearby.
The picturesqueness of a tan boy and his pointy thruster
paddling into a shoulder high wave, onshore winds really howling,
pumping quickly down the line and searching for the “ramp.”
The spectator approaching modern high performance
skateboard-derivative surfing for the first time may see it as
grotesque. The picturesqueness destroyed by legs spread much too
far apart and whole sections of delicious wave perfect for lip
bashes or wraps being sped right by without even a glance. But when
they have learned to appreciate values through experience what they
seek is honesty and true, not tricked, emotion and always
classicism and the purity of execution of all the subtle nuances of
the aerial maneuvers, and, as in the change in taste for wines,
they want no sweetening but prefer to see truth. That the lip
bashes and wraps are tired and old. That the legs spread much too
far apart are essential. That the hands free 540 correctly called
is absolutely essential and the man who calls it a 720 deserves
death rather than suffering.
But, as with vodka, you will know when you first try it whether
you like it as a tiling or not from the effect it will have on you.
There are forms of it to appeal to all tastes and if you do not
like it, none of it, nor, as a whole, while not caring for details,
then it is not for you. It would be pleasant of course for those
who do like it if those who do not would not feel that they had to
go to war against it or give money to try to suppress it, since it
offends them or does not please them, but that is too much to
expect and anything capable of arousing passion in its favor will
surely raise as much passion against it.
The spectator approaching modern high performance
skateboard-derivative surfing for the first time cannot expect to
see the combination of the ideal wave and the ideal surfer for that
wave which may occur not more than twenty times in all the world in
a season and it would be wrong for him to see that the first time.
He would be so confused, visually, by the many things he was seeing
that he could not take it all in with his eyes, and something which
he might never see again in his life would mean no more to him than
a regular performance. If there is any chance of his liking modern
high performance surfing the best modern high performance surfing
for him to see first is an average one, Kelly Slater throwing up an
ally-oop in the no-losers round of a below average Championship
Tour event. Julian Wilson attempting a hands-free 360 in the dying
seconds of a round three heat he has already won. Yago Dora, not
too highly paid, so that whatever extraordinary things he does will
look difficult rather than easy. A seat on the sand not so near
that he will see entire spectacle rather than, if he is on the
rocks at Snapper, have it constantly broken proper degree of
rotation and if his front hand was grabbing his inside rail or if
his back hand was grabbing his outside rail or if there was no grab
at all — and a hot sunny day.
The sun is very important. The theory, practice and spectacle of
modern high performance skateboard-derivative surfing have all been
built on the assumption of the presence of the sun and when it does
not shine over a third of the best part is missing. The Spanish
say, “El sol es el mejor tablista.” The sun is the best surfer, and
without the sun the best surfer is not there. He is like a man
without a shadow. The exact degree of his rotation lost. The exact
placement of his head, hands, legs obscured.
A salty mid-length enthusiast in the back of the room: “What is
he saying? What is that horrible surf journalist yammering on
about?”
Someone near him: “He’s wondering if any of us truly appreciate
modern high performance skateboard-derivative surfing.”
Salty mid-length enthusiast: “Oh, I thought he was asking if any
of us wanted to be modern high performance skateboard-derivative
surfers.”
Did you like the modern high performance skateboard-derivative
surfing in the latest competition, sir? Gabriel Medina beating
Jordy Smith at the Quiksilver Pro in 2019?
Salty mid-length enthusiast: “I accidentally liked it very
much.”
What did you like about it?
Salty mid-length enthusiast: “I liked to see the surfers hit the
waves right in the face then leave them then land back on them with
spins and what have you in between. Hunched spins and grabs.”
Why did you like that?
Salty mid-length enthusiast: “It seemed so sort of homey.”
Sir, you are a mystic. You are not among friends here. Let us go
to the Komune where we can discuss these matters at leisure.
The end.
