Winning time.
Is the confetti out of your hair, yet, after celebrating the winds of political change a’ blowin’ through Australia or is it still there dusting your crown, bejeweling your pillow? Exciting, in any case, and nothing better than waking up in the morning after a big night, sliding feet into slippers, torso into linen robe, heading downstairs to French press a cup of dark roast coffee then retreating straight back up to bed, New York Times tucked under arm, coffee in hand.
The good life.
And this morning, celebrants will be treated to a loving profile of the big wave bodysurfer from Brazil Kalani Lattanzi. The twenty-eight-year-old was made very famous, to our watery kind, for bodysurfing Jaws. Living legend Kelly Slater, who needs absolutely no introduction, called it “one of the greatest rides in the surf world.
A compliment without parallel.
Lattanzi, who, has bodysurfed giants in Puerto Escondido, Arica and Nazare to name but a few, told the paper of record, “When I started bodysurfing, I wondered if it was possible for someone to bodysurf a big wave. Then I started to grow up and I realized, ‘OK, I am the one who is going to do this.’”
The story continues:
Lattanzi prepares like a professional athlete in order to meet the demands of his niche. He eats clean and cross-trains, lifting weights and doing yoga in order to sustain the many hours of swimming, negotiate huge waves and withstand their impact. He now has his sights set on Mavericks, a notoriously dangerous wave in Northern California that can reach heights over 60 feet, which he hopes to tackle this year.
“It takes a real tranquil mind. It takes incredible strength. Incredible lungs. Aqua Gorilla is what we all call him because he’s so strong in the water,” (fellow big wave bodysurfer Ryan) Masters said. “He’s the ultimate waterman.”
When Masters tried to conquer Mavericks in 2016, he bruised a lung, fractured his neck, broke his collarbone and seven ribs, and was airlifted to Stanford Hospital. “Mavericks is just a different animal that’s unlike any wave on the planet,” Masters said. “It’s incredibly savage.”
After much Gray Lady discussion about the savagery etc., surfing’s finest and only historian Matt Warshaw is contacted and declares, “It looks so much scarier, not having a board, but if you’re a strong swimmer, and have fins on, and know the lineup and have a high degree of big-wave knowledge, you’re better off than being on a board with no fins.
It looks a lot harder than it is? Way to take the air out of the room, Warshaw. Sheesh.
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How much rake you think he’s got there?
This guy’s training and dietary regime inspired me to make cookies. Here, please have one. There should be enough to go round. Sadly, no hash or oil in them. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Easy now Gorilla. I said punee not punani.
Like everybody, I’ve got boardies/baggies up the ying yang. Some are shit. Some are good for surfing, some sailing, some diving fishing etc. I’ve found some excellent Quicksilver Everyday Boardshorts that are light and strong, 100% recycled polyester, quick drying and can be worn all day without my nuggets breaking into a sweat.
For bodysurfing these Quicks have an essential superior feature. It’s the drawstring. Yep, they are made wide and are waxed with something that keeps them firmly tied and yet won’t seize up when undoing, especially when I double knot them. A double knot is mandatory when bodyslamming. Nothing worse than shitty drawstrings coming undone and your boardies slipping down to your knees in critical situations. They’ve got a fairly strong velcro fly and ample pocket with a large sand drain hole. Cunningham is the only one around here who still wears those sexy as hell speedos.
I think that would mean converting from twin fins, to a thruster
bra size selection is vital.
mulataria local itaqua representa…
the weight gain around the gut and moobs was the reason i stopped drinking beer. my doc alerted me to phytoestrogen, which is basically estrogen, in hops. with all the super hoppy beers i’m surprised we aren’t seeing more issues.
i pretty much only drink vodka and (sodastream) soda now.
Stay away from linseed also. SUPER high in phytoestrogens.
Watched this guy’s film about Nazare the other night. Was highly impressed, though slightly confused that there were so many interviews and not one of them was him?
On bodysurfing, it’s a new found love for me. I’ll defer to more experienced people for the conclusive view on this (and I haven’t been out in anything mental yet) but if anything I feel more comfortable navigating a line up without a board when the waves are heavier?
Valid?
I’ve wondered, naively, if it’s not where we’re all supposed to quietly end our surfing lives.
You might be right! I definitely started because I reached the age where I don’t give a fuck what I look like anymore!
Ah JP good to hear you’re an aspiring aficionado. Out of 8 billion+ humans on this planet how incredibly lucky are we, the very few fortunate, to be able to swim out and launch into ocean barrels where terra firma meets sea and sky? Where else on this planet could we possibly rather be?
Plus, bodysurfing is a legit scrabble word worth 21 points so there’s that too.
I’ve always loved you, Huli, but this is a wild gift. Thank you!
We end it by shuffling out to Sandy’s with a Burger King tray in our hand, grimly navigating barrels along with most of Waimanalo Elementary ditching class on a Tuesday you mistakenly thought would be less crowded.
I cannot imagine bodysurfing in Scotland, esp wearing a wetsuit. The cold water injection was bad enough on duckdives, let alone attempting a voluntary Mr StayPuff with bodysurfing.
Call me late for dinner, but in my mind, it’s an activity which is only performed in a pair of boardies. Anything else is Against The Natural Order (TM).
Love me some bodysurfing. Never fails to please.
As a proud and freshly minted team rider for Hurluley, I’d like to take a brief moment to thank those who have helped make this monumental achievement possible.
First and foremost of course is the incomparable Channel Bottom™ whose body of work throughout the years at Beachgrit is rivaled by none. Toiling without complaint on a near daily basis he consistently brings to the penis gallery a unique brand of visual hilarity with often understated and biting commentary. His iconic cocksucking otter is universally loved and has been known to bring tears of joy to many a little girl’s eyes. His determined trudge through harsh beginnings in sweatshop laundries and a brief stint in Hawaiian middle schools, combined with an unbridled moxie with prolific commenting skills, has helped to launch his rise to the glorious hero of industry that he is today.
Secondly, to the principals of BG. Really, what more can be said of Chas Smith? It’s always fun to read one of our favorite writers. Unfortunately Chas is not one of them. And what about that hairy Jew grifter Derek Rielly? He’d just better keep the lights on so we schlubs can continue to waste away the hours and weeks ragging on each other.
Last and least is our favorite moderator/badgeboy/toilet pumper, Negatron. A tireless interloper whose favorite moves are – as ricmatic once famously characterized – “dick moves”. A shameless and rapidly aging tyrant with an arbitrary and thin-skinned Pakeha attitude, he never fails to proxy and/or bend over for his master’s bidding. To be kind, Negs has been battling a decades-long fungal ballsack attack that is quite frankly, relentless, and all attempts to quell the crotch rotch he’s afflicted with have so far been ineffective. Just remember, if you’re out there listening Negs, always dry thoroughly and powder well daily. Don’t let your GF be put off, just tell her it’s powdered Peruvian flake that you’ve applied down there.
And finally, the commentariat (even my sworn enemies), whose curious and questionable loyalty to BG has never wavered. https://uploads.disquscdn.c… https://uploads.disquscdn.c… So mahalo nui and good day to all.
Nice quiver.
Thanx Map. Those black and yellow Churchill/Moreys gotta be over 25 years old and I had to finally retire them cause the footwell ripped by the drainhole. I wish I could still use them and unfortunately can’t find the exact lightweight proper fit model anymore. I’ve been wearing Hubbs for about a year now and I’m digging them. The Hubboards bros make a good product.
Congratulations!
So happy to have you on the Team!!! Don’t forget to go claim your deep discounts at HIC etc. as well as most of the set waves.
Thanks also for the kind words.
We need to plan a team trip! Huntington or Bondi?
Neither.
Ala Moana. C’mon guys… let’s do this.
Aloha bruddah Huli, fellow Hurluley teammate. The above BG assessment… so good!
I disagree with your kalani/handboard assessment, i think he’s an animal regardless of board choice, but more importantly that’s a good looking fin quiver!
Missing out on the ubiquitous Vipers for any reason? Most powerful kick in the game in my humble opinion.
Also have you ever seen or tried Yucca fins? Never seen ones in person but they seem a piece of solid gear, and a nice little core company run by proper people.
I’ve tried Vipers but can’t seem to find a good fit and they’re a little heavier than I’d like. Plus I like the old style dolphin diagonal shape. I’mma gunna search me out some Yuccas and check ’em out
Super Narly and nothing worse than running out of breath! Tho…..he had the little flotation Turpel Hand Jam for extra speed, power and flow.
He certainly tucked it under the hood.
I’m not surprised Chas that you get surf news from an east coast non-surfer, Kelley Manley, who wrote the article for the New York Times. But at least Manley was astute enough to include the following disclaimer that you left out:
In the process, he has pushed the boundaries of big-wave bodysurfing, a niche discipline in which surfers catch and ride monster waves with their bodies, a pair of swim fins and a handplane, a device that can make waves easier to ride (and one that some purists view as a crutch).
Let’s clear this up once and for all. Handboarding is NOT bodysurfing. Once you use any planing surface to assist in riding on and across a breaking wave, it becomes an entirely different wave-riding discipline. It’s not just a “crutch” – it’s an entirely different sport. And bodysurfing purists don’t regard it as just a semantic triviality.
The featured Brazzo handboarder basically rides a small paipo or boogie board. It is not bodysurfing. No diss on his water abilities either but if you want to see real state-of-the-art bodysurfing just visit me and the boys on any big day at Ka Iwi Wawamalu gas chambers at Sandy beach or Pipe or Panics but please leave your water wings and pool noodles at home.
Is invitation?
Anytime. We like to spread da aloha. My hale is your hale. We got a comfy punee on the lanai overlooking the sand. Just don’t forget to bring my tee shirt.
Good point, but that last paragraph had me chuckling. “No diss on his water abilities” but…..
Can I bring my jet board out at Panics? I’ll just tell ‘em I’m with Huli!
What about a HURLULEY inflatable penis-fish? Surely you now have some obligations to reprezent?
Tow-ins coming next….?
Shirley you mean ‘Toe-ins’ ??!?
This is wave riding version of the human cannonball circus act.
Bumpy. He needs a foil on that handplane.
Hand jam