It's got electrolytes.

Tragedy struck the island of Oahu, in late November, when pipes holding jet fuel at a Naval storage facility burst after a driver inadvertently bumped a PVC valve and spewed tens of thousands of toxic gallons into the environment for thirty-plus hours. Hundreds of families living around Pearl Harbor were later sickened by drinking or showering in contaminated water.

According to Honolulu Civil Beat:

The Navy says most of the fuel was captured in the end. However, up to 5,542 gallons of fuel were never recovered. Some portion of that amount is believed to have contaminated Pearl Harbor’s drinking water through the porous concrete of the tunnel and a drain line located on the floor of the tunnel that connects directly to the drinking water source. The leak was just 380 feet away from the well, according to the Navy’s investigation.

Despite knowledge of the severity of the leak and its proximity to the nearby Red Hill well, military leaders assured residents that their drinking water was safe and there was no cause for alarm. They continued those assurances even after the Hawaii Department of Health issued a Do Not Drink advisory on Nov. 29.

Well, just-released video shows the actual jet fuel geyser and it is amazing that this sort of business can be stored so closely to drinking water wells, even more amazing that officials give a green light to drinking jet fuel.

Does it have electrolytes?

Hmmmm.

Troublingly Gatsby-eque.

Spanish news is reporting that Gerard Pique, defensive back for the Barcelona Football Club, has just broken off his affair with a waitress and is allegedly hoping to reconcile with his estranged wife, the chanteuse, Shakira. Normally this sort of twist would be, should be, embraced by the public. A family being stitched back together again. Love reigning. But surfers around the world are increasingly heartbroken by events as they are unfolding.

You will certainly recall in the very heat of allegations surfacing that all was not well in the Pique-Shakira household, potential infidelities etc. that Shakira absconded to Spain’s north in order to be healed by the therapeutic properties of surfing. There she worked, diligently, smile beginning to present on her face but only after a mysterious sexy surf instructor entered the scene did that smile explode like fireworks.

The unnamed man helped the multi-platinum selling artist smooth her frontside flow and clearly cheered her heart. Surf fans wondered if it was possible that a Jonah Hill-esque fairytale might be playing out before our very eyes. Hill, you celebrate, met and fell in love with his own surf instructor. The two now live together and post adorable selfies on important days.

A dream that we all have for Shakira but now in light of reconciliation maybe dashed upon the rock. Life imitating art. Oh not Jonah Hill beautiful craftsmanship but rather F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby where, at the end, the philandering husband wins and the bold lover is shot dead.

Light a candle, tonight, for the sexy surf instructor.

Get rich or die trying.

Years ago, or maybe it was just months as time is moving very quickly, Laird Hamilton took his eponymous Superfood public and the stock price soared making him a multi-multi millionaire overnight. The coffee creamer, plant-based, was meant to fill a morning ritual with health and vitality. Good fats, I’d imagine, and THC or rather MCT or whatever that nice oil that comes from coconut is called.

A captivated public, wanting to drink from Hamilton’s fountain of youth, snatched the product right up, the company went public and prices floated near $60 a share.

Riches.

But something happened on the way to the ice bath and, over the past months or weeks (who really knows anything anymore) Laird Superfood value has tanked near junk level.

Basically worthless.

Market watchers are wondering, though, if the time is right for another GameStonk. You certainly remember when the beloved video game retailer GameStop was set to go under and loving fans, disruptors and radical investors, went all in, spiking share price and roiling the market.

While, at the time, stalwarts in the investment game found the whole episode crazy Forbes, as august as any, declared:

The GameStop (GME) eruption has been portrayed as the product of wildly irrational investor behavior – a “frenzy,” a “speculative orgy” (Charlie Munger’s phrase), a “game played by losers who don’t have any idea what they’re doing” – a classic case of the Madness of Crowds.

This view is incorrect. Observers are misled by the fact that the market is obviously not “rational” in the finance-theoretic sense of the term. Share prices no longer reflect the underlying asset-value. GameStop’s mediocre, money-losing business is certainly not 4000% more valuable than it was at this time last year.

But this does not mean that the decisions of the GME traders are irrational.

The GME event is in fact the result of a process that is hyper-rational. It is based on highly accurate calculations of specific outcomes which possess a much higher degree of certainty than is the case for normal investment decisions. There is no “madness of crowds” here. It is a premeditated, predatory take-down of a cornered and defenseless counterparty.

Uhhhhhh.

So should we GameStonk Laird or what?

I’m in if you are.