John John Florence (pictured) carrying hopes. (Photo: @John_john_florence Instagram).
John John Florence (pictured) carrying hopes. (Photo: @John_john_florence Instagram).

Panicked surf fans flip desperately through navigation books, petition patron saint of sailing as John John Florence, currently in damaged boat at sea, remains on Tahiti Pro heat draw!

All fingers crossed.

Nearly two weeks ago, the hard-hitting surf news service BeachGrit reported, exclusively, that universally adored surfer John John Florence was filling his catamaran with surfboards and provisions, cryptically penning, “South we go, excited and a bit nervous. I have never done a trip like this.”

Surf fans, desperate for a return of Blonde Ambition, immediately broke out nautical charts, protractors, and discovered that French Polynesia just so happens to lie south of Florence’s Hawaii.

Could it be?

Might it be?

The two-time world champion headed to Tahiti for the Outerknown Pro which kicks in mere days?

Florence, injured since G-Land, has missed the last three competitions but there his name, bold, tautological floats above Miguel Pupo and Kelly Slater in the heat number eight draw.

Well, the aforementioned surf fans, bathing in hope, received quite the scare, days ago, when Florence released an update that they had run into heavy seas.

Florence’s yacht may have suffered some damage to the rudder and rig and the crew is now searching for an atoll in which they can anchor and make necessary repairs.

Panicked, surf fans are doing anything they can to assist including offering advice on Instagram and petitioning the patron saint of sailing, Nathan “Hog” Hedge.

Will he arrive in time?

All fingers crossed.

Open Thread: Comment Live as US Open of Surfing reaches dramatic final’s day conclusion!

Champions made.

Kelly Slater (pictured) lost. (Not affiliated with Matt Biolos's ...Lost brand).
Kelly Slater (pictured) lost. (Not affiliated with Matt Biolos's ...Lost brand).

Surf Journalist reflecting upon epic quest to find non-surfing World Surf League fan across great United States ponders greatest shock of all, our hero Kelly Slater all but entirely un-OuterKnown!


One week ago, from tomorrow, I returned from an epic quest. With our World Surf League registering almost unheard of growth, and dreams of spiking into major major territory, capturing the middle of these great United States is essential. And so there, went I, to discover the non-surfing World Surf League fan, who I’d imagine would be a dime a dozen.

And discover-ish one I did, in Memphis, Tennessee but, shockingly, no one, not even the unicorn, had ever heard of the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater.

The closest I got was also in Memphis. A bartender who was vaguely aware of “some surfer who dates models.”

Had to be Slater, right?

But how is it that he, considered by many to be the world’s greatest athlete, purveyor of eponymous television programs, decades of wild SportCenter mentions is a virtual unknown?

Remembered for “dating models” even though he is in a committed loving relationship with a beautiful Chinese girlfriend for the last decade plus?

Maybe it wasn’t Slater.

But, even though assuming makes an ass out of u and ming, I assumed.


I asked after him in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and zero recognition until Tennessee where “dating models” is what maybe registered.

Do you take as affront?

Should we?

More to the point, will further Challenger Series events be cancelled?

Let’s, all of us, stay tuned.

Erickson (pictured) on the road to prosperity.
Erickson (pictured) on the road to prosperity.

Outerknown ambassador, champion surfer Sage Erickson reveals dazzling advice on how to snag Major League Baseball stud and get crazy filthy rich!

Swing for the fences!

The US Open of Surfing must be nearing its end though, metaphorically, might stretch out to eternity. Wonderful, as I could revel in the joys of Huntington Beach forever, but also I would like to know who will be crowned champion. It has given us many, worthy, champions including recently hall of fame inductee Brett Simpson, Kanoa Igarashi, Shane Beschen, Rob Machado and Sage Erickson.

And the last in the list, a beautiful flower with fierce competitive spirit, recently let all dreamers, out there, know how to hit a home run in the love department.

Erickson is currently in a committed relationship with Daniel Norris who just so happens to be a Major League Baseball player and even the uneducated surfer knows that Major League Baseball can get craaaaaaaaaaazy rich.

Norris, a left handed relief pitcher with the Chicago Cubs, has been in the bigs since 2014 and is making $1.75 million this year according to Spotrac and while that is a lot, Juan Soto, who was just traded to the San Diego Padres, recently turned down $440 million because he can certainly earn more.

Imagine earning $440 million.

Better, imagine dating $440 million.

But how?

Well, Erickson just revealed what it takes. Per The New York Post:

A fortuitous DM slide has culminated in a steady relationship between two pro athletes. Sage Erickson, a 31-year-old surfer, and Daniel Norris, a veteran lefty reliever on the Cubs, have been dating for about 1 1/2 years.

“He’s just incredible,” Erickson told E! News earlier this week. “We actually met on Instagram when Instagram suggested three people to follow when you’re browsing and he was one of them.”

Erickson revealed that she followed Norris on the platform as a suggestion from the algorithm, then made the plunge to slide into his DMs when she saw he posted a photo of a surfboard.

“I love him and I love that we’re both athletes and we can understand what we go through,” Erickson said. “We very much understand long distance. We understand wins and losses and ups and downs and staying positive and we’re probably both a little bit crazy at this point from our sports and trying to adapt and stay on it.”

The classic DM slide.

Will you utilize?

Which baseball player is on your radar?

Have at it, slugger.

Open Thread: Comment Live as the US Open of Surfing stretches into unprecedented metaphorical seven-thousandth day!

We were but babes when it began!