Leo? Leo DiCaprio?
If one thing is certain in these topsy-turvy days, it is that nothing is. Seemingly solid marriages crumble overnight, leaving room for dream-like former flame re-kindlings. The World Surf League, once sporting laughingstock, becomes so popular that even tennis icons are aware of its existence.
Actors famous for playing sexless butterballs move to Malibu, modern surfing’s spiritual home (though the culturally appropriated form and on Chumash land), and absolutely dominate.
Take the example of Jonah Hill. A very funny star who has shined in many Hollywood films including The Wolf of Wall Street and
Who could have seen his rise to leading man, as he has allegedly wrapped production on his Jerry Garcia biopic and will soon begin his John Daly one?
Who would have imagined him seating himself upon Miki Dora’s Malibu throne, king of the beach?
But, again, live by the topsy-turvy, die by the topsy-turvy and it is being reported that international superstar Cher has just listed her own Malibu mansion to the tune of $85 million American dollars.
Cher reportedly paid $2.95 million for the 1.7-acre property in 1989, and it took five years to build the Venetian-inspired home, according to The Wall Street Journal.
The seven-bedroom gated home is near the Pacific Coast Highway (AKA California State Route 1) and aerial photos reveal it has striking ocean-facing arched doors and windows, a palm tree-lined driveway, an infinity pool and a tennis court.
Other amenities and highlights the famous home reportedly have include a Moorish fountain, an indoor and outdoor gym, an indoor and outdoor theater, a meditation room, a panic room, a climate-controlled wig room and Turkish-style bathrooms with wood screens, according to The Wall Street Journal.
The home’s builder was J. Wallace Tutt III and fine materials were used in its construction, such as European limestone and marble, bronze and hand-distressed mirrors, according to Architectural Digest.
Very enticing but worry must be percolating in Hill’s veins. What if the buyer is Jason Sudeikis, hot off his success as Ted Lasso, allegedly heartbroken and turning to our surfing for comfort?
Worse, what if the buyer is Harry Styles all handsome and svelte?
Could Jonah Hill compete with Harry Styles for Dora’s throne?
Or, even worse, his pal Leonardo DiCaprio?
Imagine Leo, who also famously once dated Gisele Bündchen just like Kelly Slater, adopted surfing as his fifth act?
What might Hill even begin to do aside from getting into his fine Mercedes Sprinter, fleeing and claiming Ventura as his new kingdom?
Currently more questions than answers.