In draconian flex not seen since Scottish hero William Wallace disemboweled by English king circa 1305, sitting longboard champ Joel Tudor confirmed disallowed to defend crown!

Will you fight?

There is rough and then there is rough and then there is the treatment of sitting longboard champion Joel Tudor by the World Surf League. Oh the pain, the indignity, the sheer ouch ouch of being crowned professional surfing’s oldest number one then not being able to defend title by becoming, once again, professional surfing’s oldest number one.

For as the influential Log Rap has just announced:

Well it’s confirmed, @joeljitsu is suspended from WSL competition until the end of 2022, meaning he won’t be at Malibu this year to defend his world title. Full interview with new Senior Tour Manager @kirraseale on the future of the WSL Longboard Tour.

The Britannica Encyclopedia adds:

On August 23, 1305, Wallace was conveyed to Westminster Hall, where he was indicted and condemned to death. There was no trial because he was declared a traitor to the king; Wallace emphatically denied this charge, as he had never sworn allegiance to Edward. That same day he was hanged, disemboweled, and finally beheaded and quartered at Smithfield. His head was set on London Bridge and his limbs exposed at Newcastle, Berwick, Stirling, and Perth.

The last flex of such draconian nastiness.

Tudor, you will remember, was “indefinitely suspended” after challenging the World Surf League over its performative equality.

Will you fight?

Every man dies but not every man truly lives etc.

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Ciao Ibellicose
Ciao Ibellicose
3 years ago

Nothing better than a list of comments to see who gives the least shits on a topic.. “no, I care less!”

7dollarsurfboard
7dollarsurfboard
3 years ago

All get needs is a pair of tits and he’ll be sweet to compete.

StarJamma
StarJamma
3 years ago

I’m not anti-longboarding (even though a lot of longboarders…….yeesh), but what the fuck is Log Rap? Did they get rights from RUN DMC to use their logo style?

Longboarders are their own magnificent little world of snippy gossip, Sprinter vans and curdled anger. Maybe Beach Grit needs to expand and give Log Rap a run for their money and cater to the Tudor-less world of logging!

Terence Hogben
Terence Hogben
3 years ago

Does anybody care?

AI (for ever) .
AI (for ever) .
3 years ago

The wsl is going broke . They can’t afford a longboard tour or a big wave tour but they are so scared if they bail on either another company will pick one or the other up and eclipse the shortboard small wave tour.

So they slowly destroy all three!

Love ❤️ your work Elo

AI (for ever) .
AI (for ever) .
3 years ago

Little bits of bread and make you dress up for the party of king’s as they eat a buffet with you as entertainment you are either the courts jester or someone a little smarter?

Gil Gunderson
Gil Gunderson
3 years ago

Putin would be proud

mike m
mike m
3 years ago
Gwen Walz’s Eyes
Gwen Walz’s Eyes
3 years ago

If you cant see the beauty of gliding on a longboard I feel for you.

Wotusay
Wotusay
3 years ago

The noisy wheel gets greased. Greased in the vernacular of the made guys.

channelbottom
channelbottom
3 years ago

I smell the asterisk factory starting to massage its glands. Readying itself to squeeze out another fat, felty-black snowflake of ignominy. The weighty ink star, like an astronomical black hole, absorbs all glories and renders a howling maw of torn radiance in the void. The lack of legitimacy itself becomes the crown, the anti-halo, the foul outpouring of putrefaction obscuring any face of the ‘victor’.

Bathos is fucking great, ain’t it?

Repenter
Repenter
3 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

I was just gonna say, “oh shit, another asterisk.” Sure took the wind out of my sails.

channelbottom
channelbottom
3 years ago
Reply to  Repenter

Hey, I’m full of wind! You can have some of mine!!!

frank
frank
3 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

vocab upvote!

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
3 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

jeebus, CB: throw in a little Sagan, Poe, Wadsworth, Capote, and/or Twain…will ya? BTW, I’ll carry that water (and winged fins) for ya…

Skippy
Skippy
3 years ago

Does ELo get to bang his wife as well?

Dogsnuts
Dogsnuts
3 years ago
Reply to  Skippy

Hahahaha fuck no way hahahaha. Duct tape her up.

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
3 years ago

Senior Tour Manager says sayonara to Senior Señor Tudor

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
3 years ago

David Scales was saying that Tosh Tudor is getting an invite to the Pipe Masters. Say it ain’t so!

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
3 years ago

Whatever will both his fans do now?

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
3 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

One is chopping up a mix, the other is fixing dings


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