Time for action.

Surf fans have been feeling pretty darn good about our chances of a fairytale reunion between Gisele Bündchen and Kelly Slater of late. Many candles lit, the Brazilian supermodel’s estranged husband acting ruffled, potential challengers like Leonardo DiCaprio and Josh Hartnett seemingly sidelined.

The world’s greatest surfer holding priority.

For those unaware, Slater and Bündchen lived a dream, together, from 2005 though 2006. They were iconic, ideal and surf fans have never seen a better pairing.

Alas, Bündchen was swept off her feet by dashing quarterback Tom Brady, and surf fans gave up hope… until a week-plus, that is, when it was revealed that the couple had hired divorce lawyers and were heading for a split.

Surf fans immediately lit candles and tracked every development wide-eyed. Look, there is Bündchen saging her car, sure a sign. And now going to a faith healer exactly the same as Slater. But oh no, Brady’s refusal to retire may have led to the rift? And now, a new heretofore unseen young suitor materializing from nowhere?

Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers just so happened to play Pittsburgh’s Steelers over the weekend and, well…

A bold declaration.

While Slater has been very subtle in his signals, it may be time for him to go all in.

Maybe he can dip his challenger in the trash can like his good friend, the iconic comedian Bill Murray.

Light your traditional candles, please, along with a rosewood scented one.

Rosewood is said to have aphrodisiac qualities.

Mic drop.

Last week, the world might have been shocked when Tulsi Gabbard, former Democratic congresswoman from the great state of Hawaii, denounced her party and said she was leaving. In a moving to-camera bit, Gabbard declared, “I can no longer remain in today’s Democratic Party that is now under the complete control of an elitist cabal of warmongers driven by cowardly wokeness, who divide us by racializing every issue and stoke anti-white racism, actively work to undermine our God-given freedoms that are enshrined in our Constitution. I believe in a government that is of the people, by the people and for the people.”

Powerful and in keeping with the sentiment, yesterday in a fiery speech, Gabbard drew the big rhetorical gun.

A Hitler comparison.

Stumping for New Hampshire GOP Senate hopeful Don Bolduc in the Granite State, the noted surfer stated:

“And this is something that is, you know, throughout history, we look at authoritarian leaders and dictators in other countries. I’m pretty sure they all believe they’re doing what’s best. Even Hitler thought he was doing what was best for Germany, right? For the German race. In his own mind, he found a way to justify the means to meet his end. So when we have people with that mindset, well, you know we’ve got to do whatever it takes because, as President Biden said in that speech in Philadelphia, that those who supported Trump, those who didn’t vote for him are extremists and a threat to our democracy.”

Do you think that Hitler’s ashes are rolling in his bunker when gets compared to the likes of Donald Trump and Joe Biden?

More importantly, do you think actively woke surf blog The Inertia will rescind its “Global Advocate Award” bestowed upon Gabbard in 2018?

It would be just like them.

Leo? Leo DiCaprio?

If one thing is certain in these topsy-turvy days, it is that nothing is. Seemingly solid marriages crumble overnight, leaving room for dream-like former flame re-kindlings. The World Surf League, once sporting laughingstock, becomes so popular that even tennis icons are aware of its existence.

Actors famous for playing sexless butterballs move to Malibu, modern surfing’s spiritual home (though the culturally appropriated form and on Chumash land), and absolutely dominate.

Take the example of Jonah Hill. A very funny star who has shined in many Hollywood films including The Wolf of Wall Street and

Who could have seen his rise to leading man, as he has allegedly wrapped production on his Jerry Garcia biopic and will soon begin his John Daly one?

Who would have imagined him seating himself upon Miki Dora’s Malibu throne, king of the beach?

But, again, live by the topsy-turvy, die by the topsy-turvy and it is being reported that international superstar Cher has just listed her own Malibu mansion to the tune of $85 million American dollars.

Per Fox News:

Cher reportedly paid $2.95 million for the 1.7-acre property in 1989, and it took five years to build the Venetian-inspired home, according to The Wall Street Journal.

The seven-bedroom gated home is near the Pacific Coast Highway (AKA California State Route 1) and aerial photos reveal it has striking ocean-facing arched doors and windows, a palm tree-lined driveway, an infinity pool and a tennis court.

Other amenities and highlights the famous home reportedly have include a Moorish fountain, an indoor and outdoor gym, an indoor and outdoor theater, a meditation room, a panic room, a climate-controlled wig room and Turkish-style bathrooms with wood screens, according to The Wall Street Journal.

The home’s builder was J. Wallace Tutt III and fine materials were used in its construction, such as European limestone and marble, bronze and hand-distressed mirrors, according to Architectural Digest.

Very enticing but worry must be percolating in Hill’s veins. What if the buyer is Jason Sudeikis, hot off his success as Ted Lasso, allegedly heartbroken and turning to our surfing for comfort?

Worse, what if the buyer is Harry Styles all handsome and svelte?

Could Jonah Hill compete with Harry Styles for Dora’s throne?

Or, even worse, his pal Leonardo DiCaprio?

Imagine Leo, who also famously once dated Gisele Bündchen just like Kelly Slater, adopted surfing as his fifth act?

What might Hill even begin to do aside from getting into his fine Mercedes Sprinter, fleeing and claiming Ventura as his new kingdom?

Currently more questions than answers.