Slater (pictured) needing to take action.
Slater (pictured) needing to take action.

Surf fans thrown into panic as much younger, heretofore unknown suitor materializes as threat to Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen’s fairytale reunion!

Time for action.

Surf fans have been feeling pretty darn good about our chances of a fairytale reunion between Gisele Bündchen and Kelly Slater of late. Many candles lit, the Brazilian supermodel’s estranged husband acting ruffled, potential challengers like Leonardo DiCaprio and Josh Hartnett seemingly sidelined.

The world’s greatest surfer holding priority.

For those unaware, Slater and Bündchen lived a dream, together, from 2005 though 2006. They were iconic, ideal and surf fans have never seen a better pairing.

Alas, Bündchen was swept off her feet by dashing quarterback Tom Brady, and surf fans gave up hope… until a week-plus, that is, when it was revealed that the couple had hired divorce lawyers and were heading for a split.

Surf fans immediately lit candles and tracked every development wide-eyed. Look, there is Bündchen saging her car, sure a sign. And now going to a faith healer exactly the same as Slater. But oh no, Brady’s refusal to retire may have led to the rift? And now, a new heretofore unseen young suitor materializing from nowhere?

Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers just so happened to play Pittsburgh’s Steelers over the weekend and, well…

A bold declaration.

While Slater has been very subtle in his signals, it may be time for him to go all in.

Maybe he can dip his challenger in the trash can like his good friend, the iconic comedian Bill Murray.

Light your traditional candles, please, along with a rosewood scented one.

Rosewood is said to have aphrodisiac qualities.


Gabbard (pictured) not #TeamBiden.
Gabbard (pictured) not #TeamBiden.

Former Hawaii congresswoman and passionate surfer Tulsi Gabbard draws big rhetorical gun, compares U.S. President Joe Biden to Adolf Hitler in fiery speech!

Mic drop.

Last week, the world might have been shocked when Tulsi Gabbard, former Democratic congresswoman from the great state of Hawaii, denounced her party and said she was leaving. In a moving to-camera bit, Gabbard declared, “I can no longer remain in today’s Democratic Party that is now under the complete control of an elitist cabal of warmongers driven by cowardly wokeness, who divide us by racializing every issue and stoke anti-white racism, actively work to undermine our God-given freedoms that are enshrined in our Constitution. I believe in a government that is of the people, by the people and for the people.”

Powerful and in keeping with the sentiment, yesterday in a fiery speech, Gabbard drew the big rhetorical gun.

A Hitler comparison.

Stumping for New Hampshire GOP Senate hopeful Don Bolduc in the Granite State, the noted surfer stated:

“And this is something that is, you know, throughout history, we look at authoritarian leaders and dictators in other countries. I’m pretty sure they all believe they’re doing what’s best. Even Hitler thought he was doing what was best for Germany, right? For the German race. In his own mind, he found a way to justify the means to meet his end. So when we have people with that mindset, well, you know we’ve got to do whatever it takes because, as President Biden said in that speech in Philadelphia, that those who supported Trump, those who didn’t vote for him are extremists and a threat to our democracy.”

Do you think that Hitler’s ashes are rolling in his bunker when gets compared to the likes of Donald Trump and Joe Biden?

More importantly, do you think actively woke surf blog The Inertia will rescind its “Global Advocate Award” bestowed upon Gabbard in 2018?

It would be just like them.


Shannan North, not in this photo of, maybe, his pretty new house. | Photo: Billabong

Rumours swirl concerning mysterious new owner of Billabong’s iconic Pipeline house, sold for a staggering six-million dollars!

"We’re extremely happy that a close friend of the brand has taken on the house." So, who’s the company man with the necessary heft of wallet? 

Earlier today, Billabong’s Men’s Global GM Mark Weber confirmed BeachGrit’s four-day old rumour that the brand had offloaded their famous “A-Team” Pipeline house.

“While we’re not in the business of owning and managing a property on the North Shore anymore, we’re extremely happy that a close friend of the brand has taken on the house and partnered with us to ensure that it will remain the headquarters for the brand and the Billabong Pro Pipeline for many years to come,” Weber told Shop-Eat-Surf. 

The six-bed, four-bath contemporary looking joint at 59-389 Ke Nui Road, sits on 9000 square feet of prime beachfront land and was quickly snapped up by a company insider who’d long enjoyed its fruits.

A gorgeous and intensely atmospheric house!

And, although the sale price remains secret a figure close to six million dollars has been touted. The last time it sold was for three-point six in 2006. 

So, who’s the company man with the necessary heft of wallet? 

Did a little ringing around, or at least fielded a few calls about it, and the smart money seems to be on the recently retired “President of commercial strategy and growth and chief brand officer”, Shannan North. 

Shaz quit the biz after twenty-eight years and is a classic rags to riches sorta tale, beginning in the fabled mail-room of Billabong and working his way to the very top, climbing over the bloodied corpses of soldiers lost in the company’s myriad financial battles. 

A talented goofyfooter, and adored throughout the company, a sweet and gentle soul it’s said, North fits the profile of the new buyer perfectly.

He’s got the cash and he can surf the somewhat difficult lefthander out front.


Bobby Mac and his Suffolk joint described by the selling agent as “Embracing the essence of mid-century modernism."

Legendary surfboard designer responsible for modern shortboard fails to sell “opulent, lavish, extravagant” Byron Bay mansion as property market teeters on precipice of hitherto unseen crash!

Party's over for the property casino!

With a leopard grin, a green flare flaring from his slitted eyes and a tiny body that vibrates with excitement and joy, there ain’t no mistaking the master shaper Bobby McTavish.

McTavish, along with pals George Greenough and Nat Young, was instrumental in the shortboard revolution which washed ashore in 1967, slashing two feet off the boards thereby gifting surfers the ability to hit and hang around the lip.

McTavish’s story is a good one: he was a state-of-the-art shredder who quit competition despite giving hell to the heroes of the time, Midget Farrelly, Nat Young and so on, helped create the modern shortboard, turned Jehovah’s Witness, had five kids, invented, way ahead of their time, these epoxy moulded replicas of pro surfers’ boards (called Pro Circuit Boards), went back to longboards, sold the label, made a little cash and made, crucially, some fine real estate investments.

Like his Palm Springs-themed mansion in Corkwood Crescent, Suffolk Park, which he listed for auction six months ago with a three-and-a-half mill price guide.

Prices for houses in Suffolk Park, once Byron’s poorer cuz, had shifted almost seventy percent in two years. To put that into perspective, in 2019, 2020, a million bucks would’ve got you a place like this.

Anyway, that guide shifted to three-seven and when it looked like the auction was gonna fizzle, the McTavish house was given a sale price of four-point-two million.

No takers.

Now, as the Australian property market teeters on the precipice of a hitherto unseen crash, driven by accelerating interest rates and a terror of overcommitting among buyers, the joint has been taken off the market.

Ironically, McTavish, who’s now seventy-eight, was of that early seventies Country Soul era, surfers splitting the cities and heading to Byron Bay for “full contact rural immersion.”


Who's Miki now?
Who's Miki now?

As international superstar Cher lists multi-million dollar Malibu mansion, surf aficionados wonder if rich potential buyer might challenge body positivist Jonah Hill’s claim to Miki Dora’s throne!

Leo? Leo DiCaprio?

If one thing is certain in these topsy-turvy days, it is that nothing is. Seemingly solid marriages crumble overnight, leaving room for dream-like former flame re-kindlings. The World Surf League, once sporting laughingstock, becomes so popular that even tennis icons are aware of its existence.

Actors famous for playing sexless butterballs move to Malibu, modern surfing’s spiritual home (though the culturally appropriated form and on Chumash land), and absolutely dominate.

Take the example of Jonah Hill. A very funny star who has shined in many Hollywood films including The Wolf of Wall Street and

Who could have seen his rise to leading man, as he has allegedly wrapped production on his Jerry Garcia biopic and will soon begin his John Daly one?

Who would have imagined him seating himself upon Miki Dora’s Malibu throne, king of the beach?

But, again, live by the topsy-turvy, die by the topsy-turvy and it is being reported that international superstar Cher has just listed her own Malibu mansion to the tune of $85 million American dollars.

Per Fox News:

Cher reportedly paid $2.95 million for the 1.7-acre property in 1989, and it took five years to build the Venetian-inspired home, according to The Wall Street Journal.

The seven-bedroom gated home is near the Pacific Coast Highway (AKA California State Route 1) and aerial photos reveal it has striking ocean-facing arched doors and windows, a palm tree-lined driveway, an infinity pool and a tennis court.

Other amenities and highlights the famous home reportedly have include a Moorish fountain, an indoor and outdoor gym, an indoor and outdoor theater, a meditation room, a panic room, a climate-controlled wig room and Turkish-style bathrooms with wood screens, according to The Wall Street Journal.

The home’s builder was J. Wallace Tutt III and fine materials were used in its construction, such as European limestone and marble, bronze and hand-distressed mirrors, according to Architectural Digest.

Very enticing but worry must be percolating in Hill’s veins. What if the buyer is Jason Sudeikis, hot off his success as Ted Lasso, allegedly heartbroken and turning to our surfing for comfort?

Worse, what if the buyer is Harry Styles all handsome and svelte?

Could Jonah Hill compete with Harry Styles for Dora’s throne?

Or, even worse, his pal Leonardo DiCaprio?

Imagine Leo, who also famously once dated Gisele Bündchen just like Kelly Slater, adopted surfing as his fifth act?

What might Hill even begin to do aside from getting into his fine Mercedes Sprinter, fleeing and claiming Ventura as his new kingdom?

Currently more questions than answers.