Artist rendering of Australian surfer/alien.
Artist rendering of Australian surfer/alien.

Australian surfers suddenly extremely wary of one another as esteemed Harvard scientist suggests meteor hit off Pacific coast may have actually been UFO!

Aliens in the lineup.

As if Australian lineups, and especially on the fatal east coast, were not dangerous enough. Slippery rocks lead to many waves which are crowded with sneering surfers, angry and snakey. Sharks swirl underneath waiting to grab feet already bleeding from slippery rocks and Dean Morrison.

Well, a very smart Ivy League scientist from the United States is suggesting something more ominous, more alien, may be lurking as well.

Namely, aliens.

Harvard professor Avi Loeb is convinced that a meteorite crashing off Snapper Rocks eight, or such, years ago was actually a UFO and has secured $2.2 million dollars to go prove the theory.

Per 7 News:

The meteorite crashed into the Pacific Ocean in 2014, about 160km off the coast of Australia’s near neighbour Papua New Guinea (but also Snapper Rocks etc.).

Loeb told Sunrise he believes the expedition may help answer questions about whether we are alone in the universe.

“The material of it is tougher than iron, based on the data, so the question is whether it’s just an unusual rock or perhaps a spacecraft from another civilisation,” he said.

According to the Science Times, the space rock is only the third known object of its kind to land on Earth.

But let’s discuss UFO’s for one moment. Has recent footage of fighter pilots spotting unexplainable phenomena changed your opinion? Have you always believed? Are you UFO curious?

Also, does a UFO crashing off Australia’s coast explain the end of the Association of Surfing Professionals and (1976 – 2014) and the birth of the World Surf League (2015 – present)?

Really ponder CEO Erik Logan for a moment.

Like, really.

Something to think about.

No birdies but waves on tap!

Developer hit with wild Deja Vu as it’s revealed second attempt at a Perth wave pool will bulldoze acres of endangered vegetation and habitat of “almost extinct” black cockatoo!

Are you team bird or team barrel?

Seven years ago, the former investment banker Andrew Ross announced a masterplan to dot Australia with a ten-pack of Wavegarden pools.

The first of the ten pools opened near Melbourne’s Tullamarine in 2019, to much celebration from that city’s wave-starved surfers. 

A second pool, which was going to be built in the Perth suburb of Alfred Cove and, importantly, a few hundred metres from my parents’ house, was shut down by the state government after local activists claimed bushland and marine reserves would be damaged. 

A few oldies also complained it might impact upon their access to the lawn bowls club there, which apparently carried a bit of sway.

Now, his next swing at a pool in Perth, this time at a bleak part of town called Jandakot, has hit a potentially fatal roadblock after it was revealed around thirteen acres of endangered vegetation would be bulldozed, putting the habitat of the almost extinct black cockatoo to the sword. 

You know black cockatoos? Noisy as all hell, but with a cute little button of white on their heads and with pink lining around the man-bird’s eyes. Ain’t nothing feels more Australian than sitting under a gum tree watching a flock of happy cockatoos heading to adventures unknown.

Anyway, The Environmental Protection Authority has opened the proposal to the public, asking whether or not it should “assess (the) proposal and, if so, what level of assessment is considered appropriate“.

The tank set-up looks pretty wild, elevated walkways around the pool, caravans around the perimeter mimicking Slater’s set-up at Surf Ranch and a sort of square semi-highrise overlooking the man-made masterpiece.

If you live in Perth, which makes Florida look like Oahu, you’ll be supplicating yourself to whatever gods you follow to get this thing made.

Left and right unite in rare display of solidarity as “Chad” attempts to publicly shame ridiculous looking surfer for poor parallel parking form!

"Stop touching me."

It goes without writing that we all live in extremely divided times. Left loathing right. Right loathing left. Camps within each loathing each other. Neighbor extremely suspicious of neighbor, friend cancelling friend, but all were miraculously brought together on this Cyber Monday, united by equal loathing for a ridiculous looking surfer and a “Chad” aiming to shame him.

But let us travel, together, to Newport Beach, California, or maybe Del Mar, where our scene unfolds in broad daylight. For here we witness a surf caricature, floppy blonde hair, sunglasses, attempting to parallel park a white older model Mercedes station wagon festooned with an orange longboard. The “Chad” pulls up, cellphone out and ready, declaring, “Ahhh, now you’re hitting cars, bro, come on,” in classic west coast whine.

The “surfer” flashes a peace sign and responds, “Get a job, Chad. Is that your name? Chad? Go and hit up some açaí berries.”

Surfer girlfriend, girl friend or wife then appears as Chad tries to warn her not to get hit, that “He’s hitting cars.”

She says, “Dude, I know who you are.” He says, “Stop touching me.”

And the whole business devolves from there.

The video, posted to Reddit, has only one tone in comments. That both antagonists are horribly annoying.

A sampling:

Guy in chubbies calling other guy Chad is peak Chad behavior.

I surf out front of this street daily. You don’t longboard here. Unless he’s gonna take the longggg walk to the pier, that board isn’t touching the water.

Pretty hard to take a guy calling you a chad seriously when he’s barely even wearing pants himself.

alk about the pot calling the kettle Chad, geez!

The video does raise a larger question, though. Is it ok to lightly tap bumpers when parking? My skill is so great at the parallel arts that it is unnecessary but I’ve always found it ok.

Happy Cyber Monday.

Sports fans left reeling following shocking just-released footage of surf icon immediately after emergency surgery, “You look scary! I don’t like this!”

"I just want to catch one wave before Christmas."

The “movie-star handsome” intermediate-level surfer and insanely popular YouTuber, Ben Gravy, has shocked sports fans with the release of post-surgery footage following an operation to stitch his bones together.

Gravy, who has almost two-hundred thousand subscribers on his channel, shattered his collar bone in four places at El Slammo, an experts-only wave in Longport, a pretty little Jersey borough pointed at the Atlantic.

Before surgery, Gravy had warned his fans of the gravity of his condition,

“It’s pretty shocking. The break is a lot worse than previously thought. I thought I’d walk away clean and it’s not the case.”

In the clip below, thirty-four-year-old Gravy is disoriented, his words infused by the irrational; it’s as if his brain has been torn from its anchor.


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A post shared by bengravyy (@bengravyy)

Thoughts and prayers for a swift recovery.

Faithless surf fans despondent over much dreamed of rekindling between Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen amidst model’s dalliance with dashing jiu-jitsu instructor buoyed by expert claim: “It rarely ends well when guys bring their girls to training!”

Oh ye....

Surf fans who have spent the better part of the past two months lighting candles, setting them on windowsills, hoping, dreaming, consulting with various seers and tea leaf readers became extremely depressed weeks ago. The reason? Gisele Bündchen had not instantly taken up with onetime flame Kelly Slater in the aftermath of her breakup with Tom Brady both rather a jiu-jitsu instructor.

Though the world’s greatest surfer wears a purple belt (disputed), the Brazilian supermodel seems to have opted for Joaquim Valente who teaches the art of strangulation and dislocation.

All hope lost.


Former UFC fighter and jiu-jitsu participant Jake Shields, hours ago, dumped Laird Hamilton level ice-water on the potential of Valente and Bündchen lasting long. Per a hot message from Elon Musk’s Twitter, Shields declared, “As someone who’s done jiu-jitsu for over 20 years I can tell you it rarely ends well when guys bring their girls into training. If you’re the toughest guy in the gym it’s probably fine but otherwise don’t do it.”

And whoa.


The notion, I think, is that shame will be rolled onto vinyl mats, the love interest will see a better man et voila.

It makes perfect sense but now image paddling out into the surf with one Kelly Slater. Even at 50, almost 51, years of age the 11x World Champion reigns supreme.

Easy hand jams.

Unsurpassable carving 360s.

All Slater has to do is offer a fun little North Shore shred to Bündchen et really voila.

While you are re-discovering your faith, lighting a fresh Hanukkah candle for the union the world actually needs, I must ask. Have you ever taken a love interest surfing only to be outshined in the water?

Details please.