Left and right unite in rare display of solidarity as “Chad” attempts to publicly shame ridiculous looking surfer for poor parallel parking form!

"Stop touching me."

It goes without writing that we all live in extremely divided times. Left loathing right. Right loathing left. Camps within each loathing each other. Neighbor extremely suspicious of neighbor, friend cancelling friend, but all were miraculously brought together on this Cyber Monday, united by equal loathing for a ridiculous looking surfer and a “Chad” aiming to shame him.

But let us travel, together, to Newport Beach, California, or maybe Del Mar, where our scene unfolds in broad daylight. For here we witness a surf caricature, floppy blonde hair, sunglasses, attempting to parallel park a white older model Mercedes station wagon festooned with an orange longboard. The “Chad” pulls up, cellphone out and ready, declaring, “Ahhh, now you’re hitting cars, bro, come on,” in classic west coast whine.

The “surfer” flashes a peace sign and responds, “Get a job, Chad. Is that your name? Chad? Go and hit up some açaí berries.”

Surfer girlfriend, girl friend or wife then appears as Chad tries to warn her not to get hit, that “He’s hitting cars.”

She says, “Dude, I know who you are.” He says, “Stop touching me.”

And the whole business devolves from there.

The video, posted to Reddit, has only one tone in comments. That both antagonists are horribly annoying.

A sampling:

Guy in chubbies calling other guy Chad is peak Chad behavior.

I surf out front of this street daily. You don’t longboard here. Unless he’s gonna take the longggg walk to the pier, that board isn’t touching the water.

Pretty hard to take a guy calling you a chad seriously when he’s barely even wearing pants himself.

alk about the pot calling the kettle Chad, geez!

The video does raise a larger question, though. Is it ok to lightly tap bumpers when parking? My skill is so great at the parallel arts that it is unnecessary but I’ve always found it ok.

Happy Cyber Monday.

Sports fans left reeling following shocking just-released footage of surf icon immediately after emergency surgery, “You look scary! I don’t like this!”

"I just want to catch one wave before Christmas."

The “movie-star handsome” intermediate-level surfer and insanely popular YouTuber, Ben Gravy, has shocked sports fans with the release of post-surgery footage following an operation to stitch his bones together.

Gravy, who has almost two-hundred thousand subscribers on his channel, shattered his collar bone in four places at El Slammo, an experts-only wave in Longport, a pretty little Jersey borough pointed at the Atlantic.

Before surgery, Gravy had warned his fans of the gravity of his condition,

“It’s pretty shocking. The break is a lot worse than previously thought. I thought I’d walk away clean and it’s not the case.”

In the clip below, thirty-four-year-old Gravy is disoriented, his words infused by the irrational; it’s as if his brain has been torn from its anchor.


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Thoughts and prayers for a swift recovery.

Faithless surf fans despondent over much dreamed of rekindling between Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen amidst model’s dalliance with dashing jiu-jitsu instructor buoyed by expert claim: “It rarely ends well when guys bring their girls to training!”

Oh ye....

Surf fans who have spent the better part of the past two months lighting candles, setting them on windowsills, hoping, dreaming, consulting with various seers and tea leaf readers became extremely depressed weeks ago. The reason? Gisele Bündchen had not instantly taken up with onetime flame Kelly Slater in the aftermath of her breakup with Tom Brady both rather a jiu-jitsu instructor.

Though the world’s greatest surfer wears a purple belt (disputed), the Brazilian supermodel seems to have opted for Joaquim Valente who teaches the art of strangulation and dislocation.

All hope lost.


Former UFC fighter and jiu-jitsu participant Jake Shields, hours ago, dumped Laird Hamilton level ice-water on the potential of Valente and Bündchen lasting long. Per a hot message from Elon Musk’s Twitter, Shields declared, “As someone who’s done jiu-jitsu for over 20 years I can tell you it rarely ends well when guys bring their girls into training. If you’re the toughest guy in the gym it’s probably fine but otherwise don’t do it.”

And whoa.


The notion, I think, is that shame will be rolled onto vinyl mats, the love interest will see a better man et voila.

It makes perfect sense but now image paddling out into the surf with one Kelly Slater. Even at 50, almost 51, years of age the 11x World Champion reigns supreme.

Easy hand jams.

Unsurpassable carving 360s.

All Slater has to do is offer a fun little North Shore shred to Bündchen et really voila.

While you are re-discovering your faith, lighting a fresh Hanukkah candle for the union the world actually needs, I must ask. Have you ever taken a love interest surfing only to be outshined in the water?

Details please.

After shock loss in race for Honolulu City Council, Makua Rothman’s political ambitions jumped back to life as state senator hires big wave surfer to team!

To the White House!

One of the more exciting American political races at the start of this month was that of Makua Rothman, who was running for Honolulu City Council there on the famed isle of Oahu. Running for district two, which covers the North Shore and Waikele, the big-wave surfer and eldest son of strongman Eddie Rothman gave a spirited effort but came up short, losing after garnering 44% of the vote as compared to attorney Matt Weyer’s 46%.

Those excited about Rothman’s rising political star were made sad but, hours ago, their spirits revived as he was named as one of four people joining the staff of newly elected state senator Brenton Awa.

According to Hawaii News Now, “Awa, a former news anchor, announced on Thursday his team members who will serve District 23 residents from the North Shore to East Oahu,” and also includes Jesse Rivera, a musician.

Awa, a Republican, squeaked by his Democratic opponent in the last moments and called the victory a “roller coaster ride.”

Surfers across the land hope that Rothman makes a name for himself in Awa’s office and uses the momentum to sling to a position himself before launching on the national stage and eventually taking the White House.

Imagine the joy of having a Hawaiian surfer as leader of the free world.

Obama didn’t count as he only lived in Hawaii and also bodysurfed.

One love.

Open Thread: Comment Live, Day One of the Haleiwa Challenger as professional surfing hopefuls look to slit each others’ throats and spray hungry fans with blood!

Surfing is BACK!