Surf fans who have spent the better part of the past two months lighting candles, setting them on windowsills, hoping, dreaming, consulting with various seers and tea leaf readers became extremely depressed weeks ago. The reason? Gisele Bündchen had not instantly taken up with onetime flame Kelly Slater in the aftermath of her breakup with Tom Brady both rather a jiu-jitsu instructor.
Though the world’s greatest surfer wears a purple belt (disputed), the Brazilian supermodel seems to have opted for Joaquim Valente who teaches the art of strangulation and dislocation.
All hope lost.
Former UFC fighter and jiu-jitsu participant Jake Shields, hours ago, dumped Laird Hamilton level ice-water on the potential of Valente and Bündchen lasting long. Per a hot message from Elon Musk’s Twitter, Shields declared, “As someone who’s done jiu-jitsu for over 20 years I can tell you it rarely ends well when guys bring their girls into training. If you’re the toughest guy in the gym it’s probably fine but otherwise don’t do it.”
The notion, I think, is that shame will be rolled onto vinyl mats, the love interest will see a better man et voila.
It makes perfect sense but now image paddling out into the surf with one Kelly Slater. Even at 50, almost 51, years of age the 11x World Champion reigns supreme.
Easy hand jams.
Unsurpassable carving 360s.
All Slater has to do is offer a fun little North Shore shred to Bündchen et really voila.
While you are re-discovering your faith, lighting a fresh Hanukkah candle for the union the world actually needs, I must ask. Have you ever taken a love interest surfing only to be outshined in the water?