Faithless surf fans despondent over much dreamed of rekindling between Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen amidst model’s dalliance with dashing jiu-jitsu instructor buoyed by expert claim: “It rarely ends well when guys bring their girls to training!”

Oh ye....

Surf fans who have spent the better part of the past two months lighting candles, setting them on windowsills, hoping, dreaming, consulting with various seers and tea leaf readers became extremely depressed weeks ago. The reason? Gisele Bündchen had not instantly taken up with onetime flame Kelly Slater in the aftermath of her breakup with Tom Brady both rather a jiu-jitsu instructor.

Though the world’s greatest surfer wears a purple belt (disputed), the Brazilian supermodel seems to have opted for Joaquim Valente who teaches the art of strangulation and dislocation.

All hope lost.


Former UFC fighter and jiu-jitsu participant Jake Shields, hours ago, dumped Laird Hamilton level ice-water on the potential of Valente and Bündchen lasting long. Per a hot message from Elon Musk’s Twitter, Shields declared, “As someone who’s done jiu-jitsu for over 20 years I can tell you it rarely ends well when guys bring their girls into training. If you’re the toughest guy in the gym it’s probably fine but otherwise don’t do it.”

And whoa.


The notion, I think, is that shame will be rolled onto vinyl mats, the love interest will see a better man et voila.

It makes perfect sense but now image paddling out into the surf with one Kelly Slater. Even at 50, almost 51, years of age the 11x World Champion reigns supreme.

Easy hand jams.

Unsurpassable carving 360s.

All Slater has to do is offer a fun little North Shore shred to Bündchen et really voila.

While you are re-discovering your faith, lighting a fresh Hanukkah candle for the union the world actually needs, I must ask. Have you ever taken a love interest surfing only to be outshined in the water?

Details please.

After shock loss in race for Honolulu City Council, Makua Rothman’s political ambitions jumped back to life as state senator hires big wave surfer to team!

To the White House!

One of the more exciting American political races at the start of this month was that of Makua Rothman, who was running for Honolulu City Council there on the famed isle of Oahu. Running for district two, which covers the North Shore and Waikele, the big-wave surfer and eldest son of strongman Eddie Rothman gave a spirited effort but came up short, losing after garnering 44% of the vote as compared to attorney Matt Weyer’s 46%.

Those excited about Rothman’s rising political star were made sad but, hours ago, their spirits revived as he was named as one of four people joining the staff of newly elected state senator Brenton Awa.

According to Hawaii News Now, “Awa, a former news anchor, announced on Thursday his team members who will serve District 23 residents from the North Shore to East Oahu,” and also includes Jesse Rivera, a musician.

Awa, a Republican, squeaked by his Democratic opponent in the last moments and called the victory a “roller coaster ride.”

Surfers across the land hope that Rothman makes a name for himself in Awa’s office and uses the momentum to sling to a position himself before launching on the national stage and eventually taking the White House.

Imagine the joy of having a Hawaiian surfer as leader of the free world.

Obama didn’t count as he only lived in Hawaii and also bodysurfed.

One love.

Open Thread: Comment Live, Day One of the Haleiwa Challenger as professional surfing hopefuls look to slit each others’ throats and spray hungry fans with blood!

Surfing is BACK!

Gals at Walmart giving hell to each other over the last trout-emblazoned tee. Inset,the dazzling Yvon Chouinard.

The world’s most beloved philanthropist and Walmart slayer Yvon Chouinard goes after The Gap, accusing the controversial brand of “illegally copying Patagonia’s iconic snapped flap pocket!”

A battle of the ugly!

You’ll remember just two months ago, Yvon Chouinard’s sensational decision to give away Patagonia, the company he spent the last fifty years building into the multi-billion dollar operation it is today. 

“He who dies with the least toys wins,” said Yvon. “Because the more you know, the less you need… I was in Forbes magazine listed as a billionaire, which really, really pissed me off. I don’t have $1 billion in the bank. I don’t drive Lexuses.”

Instead of selling Patagonia or taking it public, Yves, who is eighty-three, transferred his family’s ownership of the company into a trust and no-for-profit, “created to preserve the company’s independence and ensure that all of its profits — some $100 million a year — are used to combat climate change and protect undeveloped land around the globe.”

Wild etc. 

Now, only onth month month after hitting WalMat with a lawsuit for allegedly infringing its trademarked logo of a trout, Patagonia is suing The Gap for illegally copying the “iconic” snapped flap pocket seen on its fleece outerwear since 1985 and included in exhibitions at New York’s Museum of Modern Art and London’s Victoria & Albert Museum.


Yvon’s trout v Walmart’s trout.

Patagonia said Gap is “wilfully and deliberately selling fleece jackets that mimic its flap pocket and rectangular ‘P-6’ logo without permission.”

Patagonia said it had warned Gap previously for copying its gear and said, “(The) adoption of designs and logos bearing even more similarity cannot have occurred by accident.”

The "Notorious MMA" really lit into the aforementioned Rogan, hours ago, on social media calling him a "f*cking tick" and declaring, "Proper Twelve blow the jaw off you stick to that other gick boondock head" and "Ye well this is springbok. You ever see a springbok jump? We’ll just have a look at that knee springbok into this eye sock hahahaja I’m the goat of unseen shots. That’s without question."

Once-great mixed martial artist Conor McGregor launches devastating fusillade at noted surf personality interviewer Joe Rogan: “Call the cops. F*cking tick, you!”


Nobody interviews the world’s most notable, important and famous surfers like Joe Rogan. The comedian/actor-turned-podcaster has mined absolute gold from the likes of Laird Hamilton, Shane Dorian, Kelly Slater. Allowing the super-sized personalities space to roam, to match wits, to titillate and educate.

Rogan’s surf kink is matched only by his love of mixed martial art tangling, a sport known for its blood splatters and larger-than-life personalities such as Conor McGregor.

Well, the “Notorious MMA” really lit into the aforementioned Rogan, hours ago, on social media calling him a “f*cking tick” and declaring, “Proper Twelve blow the jaw off you stick to that other gick boondock head” and “Ye well this is springbok. You ever see a springbok jump? We’ll just have a look at that knee springbok into this eye sock hahahaja I’m the goat of unseen shots. That’s without question.”

The question for you, here though, revolves around gick boondocks but also MMA personalities vs. surf ones. Between Paddy Pimblett and Conor McGregor, Ireland I suppose, and any professional surfer you can think of, who wins? The World Surf League very much tried to re-imagine pre-bout tension during the latest Final’s Day, there on Lower Trestles famed cobbled stone, but it was an objective disaster.

I was there, watching, and while Chris Cotê handled his role as Michael Buffer well, the surfers seemed uninterested in engaging and/or embarrassed facing each other down.

Slinging insults.

So there we go.

Do you wish surfers were more fiery or are you happy with the Sport of Kings staying above the fray?