Sports fans left reeling following shocking just-released footage of surf icon immediately after emergency surgery, “You look scary! I don’t like this!”

Derek Rielly

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"I just want to catch one wave before Christmas."

The “movie-star handsome” intermediate-level surfer and insanely popular YouTuber, Ben Gravy, has shocked sports fans with the release of post-surgery footage following an operation to stitch his bones together.

Gravy, who has almost two-hundred thousand subscribers on his channel, shattered his collar bone in four places at El Slammo, an experts-only wave in Longport, a pretty little Jersey borough pointed at the Atlantic.

Before surgery, Gravy had warned his fans of the gravity of his condition,

“It’s pretty shocking. The break is a lot worse than previously thought. I thought I’d walk away clean and it’s not the case.”

In the clip below, thirty-four-year-old Gravy is disoriented, his words infused by the irrational; it’s as if his brain has been torn from its anchor.

 

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Thoughts and prayers for a swift recovery.

Faithless surf fans despondent over much dreamed of rekindling between Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen amidst model’s dalliance with dashing jiu-jitsu instructor buoyed by expert claim: “It rarely ends well when guys bring their girls to training!”

Chas Smith

By

Oh ye....

Surf fans who have spent the better part of the past two months lighting candles, setting them on windowsills, hoping, dreaming, consulting with various seers and tea leaf readers became extremely depressed weeks ago. The reason? Gisele Bündchen had not instantly taken up with onetime flame Kelly Slater in the aftermath of her breakup with Tom Brady both rather a jiu-jitsu instructor.

Though the world’s greatest surfer wears a purple belt (disputed), the Brazilian supermodel seems to have opted for Joaquim Valente who teaches the art of strangulation and dislocation.

All hope lost.

Except.

Former UFC fighter and jiu-jitsu participant Jake Shields, hours ago, dumped Laird Hamilton level ice-water on the potential of Valente and Bündchen lasting long. Per a hot message from Elon Musk’s Twitter, Shields declared, “As someone who’s done jiu-jitsu for over 20 years I can tell you it rarely ends well when guys bring their girls into training. If you’re the toughest guy in the gym it’s probably fine but otherwise don’t do it.”

And whoa.

Whoa!

The notion, I think, is that shame will be rolled onto vinyl mats, the love interest will see a better man et voila.

It makes perfect sense but now image paddling out into the surf with one Kelly Slater. Even at 50, almost 51, years of age the 11x World Champion reigns supreme.

Easy hand jams.

Unsurpassable carving 360s.

All Slater has to do is offer a fun little North Shore shred to Bündchen et really voila.

While you are re-discovering your faith, lighting a fresh Hanukkah candle for the union the world actually needs, I must ask. Have you ever taken a love interest surfing only to be outshined in the water?

Details please.

After shock loss in race for Honolulu City Council, Makua Rothman’s political ambitions jumped back to life as state senator hires big wave surfer to team!

Chas Smith

By

To the White House!

One of the more exciting American political races at the start of this month was that of Makua Rothman, who was running for Honolulu City Council there on the famed isle of Oahu. Running for district two, which covers the North Shore and Waikele, the big-wave surfer and eldest son of strongman Eddie Rothman gave a spirited effort but came up short, losing after garnering 44% of the vote as compared to attorney Matt Weyer’s 46%.

Those excited about Rothman’s rising political star were made sad but, hours ago, their spirits revived as he was named as one of four people joining the staff of newly elected state senator Brenton Awa.

According to Hawaii News Now, “Awa, a former news anchor, announced on Thursday his team members who will serve District 23 residents from the North Shore to East Oahu,” and also includes Jesse Rivera, a musician.

Awa, a Republican, squeaked by his Democratic opponent in the last moments and called the victory a “roller coaster ride.”

Surfers across the land hope that Rothman makes a name for himself in Awa’s office and uses the momentum to sling to a position himself before launching on the national stage and eventually taking the White House.

Imagine the joy of having a Hawaiian surfer as leader of the free world.

Obama didn’t count as he only lived in Hawaii and also bodysurfed.

One love.

Open Thread: Comment Live, Day One of the Haleiwa Challenger as professional surfing hopefuls look to slit each others’ throats and spray hungry fans with blood!

Chas Smith

By

Surfing is BACK!

Gals at Walmart giving hell to each other over the last trout-emblazoned tee. Inset,the dazzling Yvon Chouinard.

The world’s most beloved philanthropist and Walmart slayer Yvon Chouinard goes after The Gap, accusing the controversial brand of “illegally copying Patagonia’s iconic snapped flap pocket!”

Derek Rielly

By

A battle of the ugly!

You’ll remember just two months ago, Yvon Chouinard’s sensational decision to give away Patagonia, the company he spent the last fifty years building into the multi-billion dollar operation it is today. 

“He who dies with the least toys wins,” said Yvon. “Because the more you know, the less you need… I was in Forbes magazine listed as a billionaire, which really, really pissed me off. I don’t have $1 billion in the bank. I don’t drive Lexuses.”

Instead of selling Patagonia or taking it public, Yves, who is eighty-three, transferred his family’s ownership of the company into a trust and no-for-profit, “created to preserve the company’s independence and ensure that all of its profits — some $100 million a year — are used to combat climate change and protect undeveloped land around the globe.”

Wild etc. 

Now, only onth month month after hitting WalMat with a lawsuit for allegedly infringing its trademarked logo of a trout, Patagonia is suing The Gap for illegally copying the “iconic” snapped flap pocket seen on its fleece outerwear since 1985 and included in exhibitions at New York’s Museum of Modern Art and London’s Victoria & Albert Museum.

 

Yvon’s trout v Walmart’s trout.

Patagonia said Gap is “wilfully and deliberately selling fleece jackets that mimic its flap pocket and rectangular ‘P-6’ logo without permission.”

Patagonia said it had warned Gap previously for copying its gear and said, “(The) adoption of designs and logos bearing even more similarity cannot have occurred by accident.”

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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