"It's almost like irony poisoning!"

Busy days for the body positivist hero, director, funnyman and surf inspiration Jonah Hill whom you last saw on these pages holding a bubble-wrapped longboard while chatting to a pal next to his $90,000 Rivian electric truck, a stark contrast to the luxury 4×4 Mercedes camper van called The Beast the Moneyball star used to hunt waves along the Californian coastline.

Now, in a shock pivot away from his German-Polish Ashkenazi Jewish roots, Hill has submitted a petition for change of name to Los Angeles Superior Court with a hearing set for January 23, 2023. 

To wit, Jonah Hill forever and goodbye Jonah Hill Feldstein.

Hill got his last name from daddy Richard, a famous Hollywood biz manager who ran the accounts for Guns N’ Roses and who advised a thicket of celebs for five decades.

His actor sister Beanie also kept Feldstein, along with his now-dead brother Jordan.

Ironically, Hill surfs with a “Surf Jews California” sticker on one of his foam longboards which serves, he says, as a figurative punch in the nose to Malibu’s traditional Nazi-punk culture.

“It’s almost like irony poisoning,” he told GQ. “All this Malibu surf imagery has swastikas on it which, fuck, is, like, so gnarly so, yo, I said, we should star Surf Jews!”

“Ryan’s journey back to health is going to be a long one needing ongoing care, rehabilitation and physiotherapy”

The champion Newcastle surfer Ryan Duck, 35, is in a critical condition after being choppered to hospital and undergoing two major surgeries following his alleged stabbing a little after midnight on Monday night.

Duck, a drop-knee bodyboarder who ain’t afraid to chase overhead barrels, was allegedly attacked and stabbed around midnight while he was fishing with pals at Pacific Palms, an insanely gorgeous cluster of beaches three-and-a-half hours north of Sydney.

Police arrested a man, also 35, five clicks away at six am.

He was taken to Forster police station and charged with wounding a person with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.

The offence carries a penalty of up to twenty-five years in the living hell we call prisons.

Ducky’s pals have set up a GoFundMe with twenty-three gees raised in less than a day, more than doubling the ten gees target. 

The Berry Bro’s who organised the fundraiser wrote,

Ryan’s devoted partner Sophie, family and friends have been traumatised by this malicious and callus attack which nearly stole their beloved ‘Ducky’, soon father to be.

Ryan has come out the other end of this terribly horrific event but his recovery is only just beginning and he has a huge road ahead of him to get back to 100%. Ryan is going to need ongoing care, rehabilitation, physiotherapy and to be off work for several months until he can be back on his feet and regain mobility and strength.

Berry Brothers would like to do what we can to support Ryan and Sophie as they only just begin Ryan’s journey to recovery. With a mortgage over their heads, a baby on the way and on-going care for Ryan, whatever we can spare to support him and his family will go a long way to help one of Newcastle’s most beloved blokes during this time. 

We love you Ryan. You’ve got this, and we are all behind you.