World Surf League runs blade directly through Kelly Slater’s heart, sanctions and heaps praise upon event at Surf Ranch’s most bitter rival!

Bad bride.

Do you recall when Kelly Slater unveiled his wave pool, there in the tule fog of Lemoore, and, at the same time, blew away the globe and squished Adriano de Souza’s pinnacle moment like a bug? How could you forget? That wave, all tubing and endless, was a replica, a manmade bit of woven dreams, but there it reeled in real life before our very eyes, de Souza’s tear-soaked.

Everyone wanted to surf it and the World Surf League wanted to buy it.

Being owned by a billionaire, the second business was quickly done and there Ziff, and a rotating door of merry CEOs, had the future in soft palm of hand.

Except.

Things have not quite gone to plan.

While Surf Ranch, as it came to be called, is ridiculously fun to surf, it has presented a number of challenges. Namely, not very many people can surf it on one day and it is hideously boring to watch competed upon. There has been no luck, yet, in securing a second Surf Ranch, as new, more sensible options have sprung up, and various iterations of the Surf Ranch Pro will forever remain the dumbest dumb in surfing history.

Instead of being a true bride to Slater, though, through sickness and health etc., the World Surf League has decided to stab the world’s greatest surfer directly in the back by, essentially, giving up and hosting events at his most bitter rival, a Wavegarden near glorious Melbourne, Australia.

A 1000 level regional QS or some such but still sanctioned with praise heaped.

Per The Guardian:

“This is really cool,” says Jessi Miley-Dyer, an ex-pro surfer and head of competitions at WSL, as she surveys the scene. The sun is shining, the smell of sunscreen lingers in the air and spectators have packed into a cafe overlooking the wave. It’s not Teahupo’o, Tahiti’s wave of consequence, or even Bells Beach, home to one of the iconic events on the WSL’s elite tour and barely an hour away on the Victorian coast. But it might be the future of surfing.

“The idea that someone can be here in Melbourne, surfing so close to the city, having the chance to learn,” Miley-Dyer says. “Wave technology has a place and will be a big part of developing our next generation of stars.”

Wave technology.

Not Slater’s plow.

Not the cow stink.

Just wave technology.

Shame on the WSL.

Deep shame.