World Surf League (center) wonders where the love went. Photo: House of Gucci
World Surf League (center) wonders where the love went. Photo: House of Gucci

Blood Feud: Official forecasting partner of World Surf League savagely snubs Pro Pipeline after tasting its own dizzying success with “best day in surfing history!”

Where has the love gone?

Today is the very first day of professional surfing, at its highest level, for 2023 though you’d be hard pressed to know it if you were lallygagging at Surfline. The official forecasting partner of the World Surf League, usually gratingly effusive before Championship Tour events, is entirely silent. Not one slide referencing the Billabong Pro Pipeline, not one sidebar mentioning that its window is now open, no photographs of Kelly Slater doing this…

Or this…


A Google search for “Surfline Billabong Pro Pipeline forecast for 2023” will turn up Surfline’s 2022’s call plus Swellnet’s current one. And a trip to Surfline’s Pipeline section has not been updated (at 9:13 am Pacific Standard time of writing), declaring the surf to be 8-12ft “poor to fair” with Sunday’s outlook “poor quality overall — jumbled, mixed-up surf and with onshore wind. Cleaner for leeward areas of the island.”

And what sort of snub is this?

Which manner of savagery?

Could it be that after staging the “best day in surfing history” Surfline has seen the future and that it should be the “global home of surfing” as opposed to Santa Monica?

As you recall, Surfline was responsible for The Eddie and its memory is still lingering. The aforementioned slides not referencing the Pro Pipeline at are stocked with Eddie nostalgia, the sidebars selling women’s underwear.

All causing surf fans to wonder.

Is there a coup underway?

And if yes, would you prefer Surfline or the World Surf League as stewards of this sport of kings?

Much to ponder.

Don't give others the ghoulish joy of you missing the cut!

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"Forecast for Pipe looks shit. Good luck everyone, get ready for a bloodbath."

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Pipeline waiting period starts tomoz but be warned, the surf forecast is rough or in the words of Santa Babs surf photographer Seth de Roulet,

“Forecast looks shit. Good luck everyone, get ready for a bloodbath.”

Wounded toe and bruise. | Photo: Yahoo/Letícia Dornelas

Bloodbath at lawless Australian surf spot The Pass as woman suffers horrific injury following collision with “insincere” surfer, “It’s like there are no rules out there sometimes!”

“I almost broke his board to be honest, I got so furious.” 

A Brazilian woman has lambasted the lawlessness of Australia’s lineups following a bloody collision with another surfer she describes as “sarcastic” and “insincere” at Byron Bay’s The Pass. 

Letícia Dornelas, who is twenty-four and a surf veteran of six years, told Yahoo News she had “excitedly” gone for a surf at The Pass to celebrate a pal’s birthday when the man stole her first wave of the day.

“I thought he was actually going to get out of the way but he looked at me and the way he jumped, it was like he was throwing his board toward my direction,” she said. 

After questioning the wave thief, the man responded in a “sarcastic” manner, said Dornelas, and that his apology was “insincere”.

Dornelas, who suffered a cut toe in the melee, says she swam to shore where a couple helped her dress the wound. When the man came out of the water she says she was so heat up, “I almost broke his board to be honest, I got so furious.” 

Medical treatment, x-rays etc, cost the Brazilian $400 although, this being Australia, she was covered by the country’s healthcare system. 

Dornelas says she went to the press ‘cause she wanted to warn others of the lawlessness in the surf and to care for each other out there. 

“It’s like there are no rules out there sometimes” she said.

This episode has echoes, if you’ll cast your mind back two years, to when a VAL was “verbally and physically assaulted by a guy with a dark green mini-man with dark short cut hair and moustache in black boards” at the same spot.

I followed surf etiquette (been surfing since I was 12) and did not hear any ‘yep!’ or other call on the wave definitely couldn’t see anyone else already on it on the inside or outside. The person who was paddling for the wave on the wave ontnhe inside gave up so I went for it. at the last minute this guys came across the front of my board from the outside to block me from a wave crushing my hand. I said ‘wtf dude’ in shock at what had just happened.

He then repeatedly tried to fight me by asking if I ‘wanted a go bro’ and rammed his board into mine second time creating a large dent on the bottom of my board the size of a breakfast bowl.

I was extremely confused and in shock. I had no idea where this guy came from or why he hadn’t called the wave as is normal if you can see another in front of you. I apologised even though I really did not think I was the one that had been in the wrong but he was too busy yelling over me to fight him..

I’ve never experienced this level of aggression or violence in or out of the surf ever.. and I grew up on the beach! Usually there are grumpy remarks and some apologies but it’s water off a ducks back and people would rather enjoy surfing.

Threatening another with violence is a crime and just sad way to be human. That anyone would consider that a way to interact with a stranger in any circumstances is fucked.

If anyone has had similar experiences at the pass I’d like to here from you. I’ll be making a police report because my property was damaged (board) and I was assaulted. I would suggest anyone who is assaulted make a police report so that the police are in a better position to act on this recurring crime.

UPDATE: in 20 mins you can clearly see from the comments and thier likes that some older white men are justifying or normalising the behavior. Women and parents have been sharing their experiences and mostly condemning the behavior.

Do you condemn or normalise?

Do you, or have you, surfed The Pass? And why?

Cunt of a joint, as we say in France.


Bündchen in previous Chanel campaign. Slater (insert) beside himself. Photo: Chanel

Brazilian bombshell Gisele Bünchen sets wicked thirst trap for surf great Kelly Slater as Pro Pipeline set to kick off!

Country über alles.

Kelly Slater’s head, and heart, should be one place, and one place only, at this very moment. Defending his crown as the oldest living person to win the Pro Pipeline surf contest that is set to get underway on Oahu’s fabled North Shore in mere hours. The 11x World Champion, now 51-years-young, stunned sports fans everywhere when he won the event at 50. The victory kept him above the mid-season cut line and here he is again.


Alas, maybe not for according to Page Six, Slater’s newly single ex-girlfriend Gisele Bündchen is currently partaking in a very seductive photo shoot in a “plunging Versace swimsuit.”


It must be noted that Bündchen, recently divorced from Tom Brady, and Slater were rumored for surf fans to want them to get back together toward the end of last year. It also must be noted that she is Brazilian as are 2023 Championship Tour favorites Gabriel Medina, Filipe Toledo, Italo Ferreira, Miguel and Sammy Pupo etc.

Did she just set a wicked thirst trap for our elder statesman to trip and fall right into?

Country über alles?

Who could have ever thought our candle lighting might have led to this?

Pure voodoo.

WSL official handing tech to surfers. Photo: Pulp Fiction
WSL official handing tech to surfers. Photo: Pulp Fiction

After unparalleled string of brazen idiocy, World Surf League sensibly “adopts” Apple watches ahead of 2023 Championship Tour!

"The idea is to help surfers better plan and focus on each wave, especially in difficult surfing conditions."

The World Surf League, based there in Santa Monica, California, has never met a corporate partner it either did not like or for which would not abandon any semblance of moral. From China’s carbon spewing Great Wall Motors to Barefoot chardonnay to the Barefoot chardonnay of beers Michelob Ultra, CEO Erik Logan and gang have actively tarnished the brand by attaching its name to, literally, anything.

Thus, surf fans woke this morning to a start. After an unparalleled string of brazen idiocy, a new partner has emerged ahead of the 2023 Championship Tour and not only does it make sense, it will likely enhance the whole viewing experience.

Yes per early news:

The Apple Watch will officially be catching waves. The World Surf League announced today that it’s adopting the Apple Watch Series 8 and Ultra as official equipment to keep surfers up to date during competitions. It marks the first time a professional sports league has named the Apple Watch as its official wearable of choice.

Before each heat, each athlete will be given Series 8 and Ultra watches preloaded with a specially made WSL Surfer app. The app will connect with the league’s scoring system in real time and give surfers updates on scores, wave priority, and how much time is left in the heat. They’ll also be able to see how many points are needed to either advance or take the lead. The idea is to help surfers better plan and focus on each wave, especially in difficult surfing conditions.

Aside from the surfers knowing how much time is left in their heats, what the score is etc., I’d imagine that real time data will be gathered from them. How much distance they have paddled, how fast they move when up and riding, the force exerted when Filipe Toledo punches his board after failing to catch a wave at pumping Teahupo’o and won’t that information be fun for us at home?

I think yes.

Knowing the World Surf League like I do, there is very little doubt that the League will also be selling the information gathered from surfers to Big Data and so the aforementioned Filipe Toledo will also start receiving advertisements for 5 lbs dumbbells as soon as he gets out of the water and checks his phone.

Exciting times.

Quickly, though, as I read through the first paragraph of the cut n paste portion above, the bit that reads “The World Surf League announced today that it’s adopting the Apple Watch Series 8 and Ultra as official equipment to keep surfers up to date during competitions…” it makes me feel that Apple is not, in fact, paying the WSL nor is it a partnership, rather just another part of the uniform.

Am I right?

Big Data certainly getting a call.