Toledo (right) called out? Photo: WSL
Toledo (right) called out? Photo: WSL

Surf fans go berserk in attempt to read tea leaves as World Surf League head of tours releases cryptic “in/out” list ahead of 2023 season!

Sitting champion Filipe Toledo in the crosshairs?

Of all sporting fans on the face of this earth, would you agree with me that surfing fans are the most long-suffering? What with Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch Pro coming around basically every year, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s ginning up the business with ludicrous statements, a five month off-season and a Super Bowl at Lower Trestles, surf fans really put up with a whole ton.


But here we are, with professional surfing at its very highest level ready to kick off this month begging for and dribs or drabs, pouring over the social media accounts of World Surf League principals, desperately trying to read the tea leaves.

Jessi Miley-Dyer, Senior Vice President of Tours, Head of Competition, for example, just posted an extremely cryptic one, announcing the “ins and outs” for the 2023 Championship Tour Season.


Confidence as a choice, neon wetsuits, leaving your kindle in a plane seat every three trips, cryptic Taylor Swift lyrics, hairbrushes, friends to take on the world with, purpose based goals.


Twitter, owning more than one leg rope at one time, apologizing, going goblin mode, three fins the same size in your board, gluten, replying to trolls on the internet, goals related to your appearance.

So much to ponder.

Is “confidence as a choice” a clear shot over Filipe Toledo’s bow?

Is “purposed based goals” a shot over BeachGrit’s?

What do you see?

Help, please.

California surfers in literal disbelief as official forecasting partner of World Surf League declares “bombing” swell will deliver largest surf state has seen in 15 years!


Oh but you certainly know the fable of that boy who cried wolf. Aesop’s story of woe has been so widely told as to now be shorthand for someone who fibs, exaggerates, outright lies so often as to no longer be believed, which brings us directly to the official forecasting partner of the World Surf League.

Surfline, based in Huntington Beach, California, has long drawn some ire for both sticking cameras up at waves thereby inviting hordes of freshies and over-exaggerating “swell” events, leading to depression and even more hordes of freshies, but the work it has done with the aforementioned WSL has become the stuff of legend.

Whether the path was forced or chosen, Surfline began delivering cartoonish reports ahead of World Surf League Championship Tour events, doubling wave heights, cancelling wind and weather. Fans of professional surfing, waking up expecting 17-foot Bells, have been met with 3-foot Winkipop etc. for years now and so, hours ago, when Surfline declared “bombing” west swell will deliver largest surf California has seen in fifteen years, many grumpy locals are in literal disbelief.

Places to catch beasts, the surf forecaster writes, include Ventura, El Porto, Cardiff, Blacks and Ocean Beach.

But do you live in one of those places? Are you waxing your gun or guffawing in your soup?

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan, a true believer, is certainly preparing his step-up. El Porto is his local and the site of a recent amazing display of wildly below average skill.

If the “bomb” turns out to be a sparkler, maybe still worth turning in.

Photo: TikTok
Photo: TikTok

All hell breaks loose in South Africa as vindictive baby seal attacks boy in the shore break before swimming out and eating surfers in the lineup!

Fashion police.

There are many things to fear when dipping a toe into the ocean waters and more so in South Africa. Chilly sensations, big kelp, man-eating Great White sharks, Afrikaans but never before have “baby seals” fallen onto the list, or at least until days ago.

For then, and there, on Clifton 4th Beach, just off Cape Town, a li’l fella went right after a boy wearing a lycra swim shirt before swimming out and eating surfers in the lineup.

The entire shocking episode was caught on TikTok and begins as any video featuring a baby seal should, with the filmer declaring, “Ahhhh cutie,” as the shiny buddy scoots across the sand. Except then, out of nowhere, the adorable creature turns on a boy splashing around, minding his own business, and begins violently attacking. The boy, surprised, begins running in circles and is then pulled under while grown men jump into action and grown women shriek loudly.

After prying the former “cutie” off the boy, things appear to go back to normal but then the lifeguard’s whistle begins to sound and we see that the baby seal has made its way into the lineup and is feasting on surfers.

More shrieks.

And scene.

According to experts, seal attacks on humans are extremely rare and no one knows, for certain, what caused this one. I will say, though, while lycra swim shirts certainly don’t deserve wanton violence, I have always found them very gauche as fashion pieces.

Like, uncool at any age.

@thesicilianwifey Seal Attacks twice! #cliftonbeach #sealattack #capetownbeach ♬ original sound – The Sicilian Wifey

"Fuck that guy. He needs a north shore warm up head slap at the very least." | Photo: @thr3fishes

Pressure builds for “kook” ban at Waimea Bay following near-death collision involving vulnerable adult learner and legendary waterman as lifeguard warns, “No more of this BS! Anyone that doesn’t belong there is being sent in!”

“He never even tried to turn!”

The noted Hawaiian lifeguard Joey Cadiz has come out swinging after legendary big-wave surfer and ocean paddler Chris Owens was hospitalised following a collision with an out-of-control surfer at Waimea Bay yesterday.

Owens, who survived a one-minute hold-down at Mavericks a few years back in surf deemed too big to run the Mavericks Invitational contest (“I went down and said hello to my friends Mark Foo and Sion Milosky”), was surfing a mid-sized day at Waimea when he was taken out by a clumsy drop in.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Jay F Kerns (@thr3fishes)

Lifeguard Cadiz responded with,

“NO MORE OF THIS BS!! Anyone that doesn’t belong there is being SENT IN!”

In a subsequent post on his own Instagram page Cadiz wrote,

“No more entitled individuals that buy a gun and “think” they can surf Waimea. People that can barely swim, dependent on their floatation, board , and luck by shoulder-hopping. Y’all DONE!!! I train for the worst possible situation and I’m READY for it! But not what I go out there for! Take a good moment to think about your abilities, training, preparation, and awareness before you paddle out next time!”

Comments on both posts went straight for the jugular.

Changes need to be made!!! Need to harden up folks!!! When you see something do something we all need to step up and do what’s right!!! No worry about what’s legal sorry if I sound savage hahah but this shit is out of control on many levels

Crazy how if you slap a donkey for burning you, you can get arrested.. but donkey can run you over, take you away from surf/ work for months.. and gets no punishment

This kook should have gotten cracks on the beach. No place for this out there.

That’s so fucked! The exact reason I didn’t surf there today. Too many kooks because it’s not bombing! But imagine it is and these kooks are out there tryina literally kill us!!!! Fuck that guy. He needs a north shore warm up head slap at the very least.



View this post on Instagram


A post shared by Joey (Kahana) Cadiz (@joeyaloha_)

OB looking pretty. Photo: YouTube
OB looking pretty. Photo: YouTube

Ocean Beach surfers wax big-wave guns as San Francisco set to be hit with “brutal” once-in-a-generation storm!

Apocalypse tomorrow.

After seemingly years of mild and/or hot days and nights with no more than a bit of dew licking lawns each morning, California is experiencing a wild weather wave. Many feet of snow in the mountains, deluges of water flooding down Los Angeles streets, San Francisco set to be hit by a storm so wild that its like has not been seen in a generation.

The National Weather Service released the stern warning reading, “To put it simply, this will likely be one of the most impactful systems on a widespread scale that this meteorologist has seen in a long while. The impacts will include widespread flooding, roads washing out, hillside collapsing, trees down (potentially full groves), widespread power outages, immediate disruption to commerce, and the worst of all, likely loss of human life. This is truly a brutal system that we are looking at and needs to be taken seriously.”

While caution should certainly be pursued, Ocean Beach surfers are likely licking their lips while waxing their big wave guns.

Any wave slider worth her salt has, of course, made pilgrimage to OB to at least stand on the bluff and watch the brethren paddle for six hours sometimes without reaching the lineup. The more robust has joined them in that paddling, breathing in the cold brine to the point of puking. Very fun but nothing gets the hardened locals off like massive and unruly.

How massive and unruly will it be during the apocalypse? Only time will tell.