“And they say plastic straws are killing the ocean…”

For the past two weeks, grave fears were held for one of the world’s best waves after a ninety-four-foot super yacht ran aground at Honolua Bay, the one-time site of the WSL’s women’s tour finale.

Videos on Instagram showed the four-bedroom, five-bath Nakoa high and dry on the rocks in front of where surfers paddle out to the world-famous righthand point.

 

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Honolua’s place in surf lore runs deep with four-time world champ Mark Richards describing the joint as “the ultimate wave; the best wave in the world.”

Community feels ran hot as news spread through the island.

“Thanks elites…Your dream life fucks up our only life. Send dis guy back. With massive fines that go back to restoring land and water in Hawai’i. Too many fuck ups over here. We cannot overlook anymore. Barred. No can ever return.”

“Haoles should be banned from water,” said another local. “Every time they around it something goes wrong. They steal it, pollute it, poison it and even drown in it!”

Earlier today, and after a rigging crew spent all day Saturday preparing the Nokoa to be pulled off the reef and aided by favourable weather conditions, the stricken yacht was dragged to open waters.

“I’m beyond words,” said Dan Chang, Chair of the Department of Land and Natural Resources. “We all thought today was it. It was either going to happen or not. I’m extremely pleased.”

 

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As the Nakoa was dragged out to sea a pod of humpback whales began following the Nakoa and the two salvage boats as they headed west.

“If you’re Hawaiian you think about hō‘ailona, or sign. There was no wind until we saw the whales and it suddenly picked up. We all had chicken skin,” Chang said.

Update: Even after a salvage job reported to have cost half-a-million bucks the Nakoa now appears to be sinking just offshore.

 

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Do you like sucking? Or does it break your heart and haunt you in your dreams and across every waking second of your life?

The surf world was rocked this past week when a long-time adult learner wrote convincingly of the joys of being a kook for ultra-left wing Brit newspaper The Guardian. 

The Adelaide-based writer Kerri Duncan, a “thirty-something” who has been “surfing for almost twenty years” says despite two decades in the ocean she still “frolics in the whitewater with the little tackers, whooping when I manage to stand up on a wave like a kid cycling for the first time without training wheels.” 

It’s the sort of return on investment that would have most wannabe surfers quitting the sport in disgust. 

But, not Duncan. 

“Supportive friends and well-wishers have suggested I take lessons, offered to be my mentor, or insisted I could improve if I trained harder. The implication is if I’m passionate about something, I should also be proficient. I say thanks, but I’m happy being a below-average surfer.

“While I get a sense of fulfilment from developing certain skills, I want to reserve some activities purely for imperfect pleasure. I would go so far as to say I need to reserve some activities purely for imperfect pleasure, for the sake of my mental health. 

“Psychologists have been spruiking the positive effects of hobbies on psychological wellbeing for years; we get those essential happy hormones from losing ourselves in a chosen activity, giving us a sense of meaning and purpose, while being blissfully distracted from everyday stressors.

“When I focus too much on getting better at something, it creates room for failure. I don’t want to fail in my relaxation time – I just want to go with the flow and soak in the fun. No pressure, only carefree, uncomplicated enjoyment. I simply want to enjoy the ride.”

And, in words that will be a salve to anyone who’s been plateauing at a low-to-intermediate level for years, Duncan writes, 

“I don’t need to improve at something in order to enjoy it. If I find an activity that brings me simple happiness, I can permit myself to treasure it as it is – whether I objectively suck at it or not.”

Do you like sucking? Or does it break your heart and haunt you in your dreams and across every waking second of your life, your asshole puckering at the sight of any wave over six feet?

I stand in group two.

Hot new daddies for surf industry icons!

The sale of surfing’s two most iconic brands, Quiksilver and Billabong, has been swinging back and forth for a year or so now, with BeachGrit dutifully following each moment of the pendulum.

First, it was Vans circling the beleaguered Boardriders Inc, owner of Billabong, Quiksilver and RVCA, then Authentic, “a robust house that includes the licensing rights to Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and Muhammad Ali” followed by Hurley owner, Bluester Alliance, all picking over those bleached surf industry bones, brands once so mighty the entire sport squatted on their shoulders. 

The original deal with Authentic shot itself, we were told, ‘cause the current owner of Boardriders Inc, Oaketree, wouldn’t let go of the retail outlets, ironic considering all that dang bricks and mortar was a millstone around Billabong’s neck as sales shifted online.

Now, Bloomberg is reporting that  Authentic, which also owns the David Beckham and Shaquille O’Neal labels, and another once-great surf label Volcom, will be taking the keys to Quik and Billabong as soon as this week in a deal worth $US1.3 billion. 

As Boardriders was shopping around the biz last year piss poor cash flow and maturing loans forced it to cut costs, sacking twenty percent of its Australian staff or almost two hundred jobs. 

At its peak, Billabong was valued at five billion Australian dollars but eventually sold for $390 mill or one dollar a share. 

Quiksilver, meanwhile, did its shirt after trying to take over the entire surf-ski market with its spectacularly disastrous buy of ski brand Rossignol for seven hundred mill only to sell it a few years later at a stunning seventy-five percent loss.