Death in the afternoon.
Every so often a surf story is so important, so
culturally relevant, that it squeaks under our cloistered walls and
reaches the outside world. Kelly Slater’s various new failing
companies, Erik Logan’s vectors, Taj Burrow’s current real estate
holdings are all of endless fascination, to us, but DJ Khaled’s near-death
experience on an e-foil is what the greater population
truly cares about.
Essential.
BeachGrit, dutiful and true, covered the event with
usual aplomb, the author Chas Smith penning, “What is your favorite
DJ Khaled song? It’s a trick question! Each are works of pure art
and impossible to rank. It would be like asking Megan Fox or Brian
Austin Green “Who is your favorite daughter?” Futile and, frankly,
rude. So you can understand the abundance of thoughts and prayers
that came pouring in from all corners, yesterday, when it was
revealed that the plus-sized music man was injured whilst riding an
e-foil in in Miami.”
Thorough.
Though the qualifier “plus-sized” seemed to greatly roil and DJ
Khaled fans snuck into the secret garden and unleashed their
ire.
Karma J Perez wrote, “Hope The Great Artist Dj Khalid is
recovering okay , but what’s with the plus size comment . Why would
you comment on his weight . Very tacky ! Especially in today’s
world . He couldn’t just be a Great Artist we all love . It’s
deplorable that this header was allowed to be printed. It’s 2023
commenting on a person’s size is so out of style in any decade .
Get it together Beachgrit !”
Roldy added, “I don’t care that it’s a poorly written click bait
article. I came here because you wrote ‘plus size’ in the title.
Wtf does that have to do with anything about this story? Why does a
person’s physical appearance here matter in the slightest? That
alone told me you’re a trash writer. The alleged content you
authored simply backs up my initial impression. I hope you have the
day you deserve. Cheers.”
Kellie Lynn piled on, “You should pay someone to slap you so
hard you’re put to sleep for hours for such click bait and goofy
bragging arrogance.”
Elizabeth added, “What does him being ‘plus sizes’ have to do
with anything? Come on, light a candle a for him, because he got
hurt so badly be needs a massage? All around horrible article. You
can do better, and if you really can’t, it’s time to look for a new
profession.”
Renee Lee Stevens continued, “So, was this an article about your
awesomeness? Or DJ Khaled’s injuries? Just curious, because I know
nothing more about his injuries than I did when I read your title.
Your skills as a writer leave a lot to be desired. Not trying to be
nasty, but from now on when you mislead your readers with a title
like that, then tell us he only needed a light massage, naturally
expect backlash. Good grief.”
Chelelee added, “So, was this an article about your awesomeness?
Or DJ Khaled’s injuries? Just curious, because I know nothing more
about his injuries than I did when I read your title. Your skills
as a writer leave a lot to be desired. Not trying to be nasty, but
from now on when you mislead your readers with a title like that,
then tell us he only needed a light massage, naturally expect
backlash. Good grief.”
Your Mum concluded, “People like you shouldn’t be allowed to
have freedom of speech. You’re an absolute embarrassment to
journalism and honestly deserve nothing but bad luck throughout
your entire life. What a waste of space at your job.”
A added, “You need to be FIRED! How dare you even bring up
someone’s weight in an article that is completely irrelevant. Shame
on you!!”
J C clarified, “Megan Fox doesn’t have a daughter…they have 3
sons.”
And on and on until Silvia Castillo wondered, “I wonder if
people who write ‘click-bait’ articles like this really consider
themselves journalist?!” Howie Beats weighed in with, “I bet they
do. And I bet they’re the ones who walk around wearing a lanyard
with their Twitter handle to let everyone know they’re ‘a real
journalist.'” At which point the author implored everyone to keep
it above the belt.
That’s when the pile on really began.
Jason slammed, “You deserve everything you get you sorry excuse
for a writer. Go to college and educate yourself on journalism 101.
Actually, you should start with 099.”
Jeremy Parks added, “Not harsh, you’re a clickbait writing
douche. Also, don’t know why you felt the need to keep referring to
him as the ‘plus-sized’ musical artist.”
David Bonnano inserted, “Get bent. You’re the one with zero
class.”
And Smith was, thus, defeated.
