American patriots vow to silence Brazilian surf fans as San Clemente’s Griffin Colapinto seeks unlikely world title victory over one-foot-and-under king Filipe Toledo!

“Don’t let the invading hordes be heard”

Finals Day, the one-day shootout for the men’s and women’s world titles, has taken a jingoistic turn following a post from the one-time CT surfer Kolohe Andino. 

Andino, whose phenomenal skill wasn’t allowed room to breathe on the world tour which led to his premature departure, posted a screed from Griffin’s shaper Matt Biolos, a literal call to arms from the Commie-hating, part Jewish millionaire. 

Along with a party where t-shirts emblazoned with “Here’s Griffin” will be sold, Andino hopes to  harness the power of American patriotism to give his BFF Griffin Colapinto a home-court advantage over his four opponents.

Yeah, Toledo lives in San Clemente, but Griff is home-grown, as much a part of San Clemente as Bear Jew Biolos and the juvenile Great Whites that prowl the lineups. 

And, while Ethan Ewing, Joao Chianca and Jack Robinson will also feature in the one-day showdown that’ll run on the best day between September eight and sixteen, Griff and Pip are the clear favs.

In a clipped staccato meter reminiscent of Hemingway after the plane crash that turned his formidable brain to weeds and channelling Jean Raspail, Biolos writes: “Are you a surfer? Living in San Clemente? Living in Southern CA? A fervent, lord even casual, follower of surfing competitions? Do you have a sense of support for your local or greater community? Do your duty in Sept, when it’s called on and the WSL Finals run,. Run from work, school and otherwise worldly responsibility to support a native son, as he defends his local turf, his local surf, against the world’s best. Get behind him. Stand in front, knee deep in cobblestones, cheering and let him know you’re here. In front. Right behind him. Don’t let the invading hordes be heard. Silence them with our local pride. With our local passion. Griffin Colapinto, of San San Clemente. Son of a school teacher. Will take on the World and battle for a World Surfing Title. At his home break. In September. The waves call the day. It’s so important to be there. Up front. Right behind him. Cheering. Cheering for Griffin. Cheering for your community. Everyone.” 

The support of surf-mad San Clemente is assured, I think, although what is less clear is how God will place his chips given Griffin’s recent swing to an ego-transcending spiritual practice from India and his new-found role as the Ghandi of Surfing. You’ll remember Kolohe Andino a believer in the Christian doctrine, issued a grave three-world theological warning to his pal writing, “No false idols.” 

Toledo, meanwhile, takes Christian dogma very seriously.

Time will tell etc.

 

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