Logan (left) sucking the life out of world number five Jack Robinson. Photo: Instagram

Ghost of Erik Logan dances lecherous jig as head Surfline forecaster predicts overhead waves for World Surf League Finals Day

Filipe Toledo, meanwhile, sings a dirge.

Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan gave us many things before his untimely demise. Mostly they were laughs at him, with a hefty amount of wincing at him thrown in for good measure, but he also delivered a mid-season cut and finals day there on the cobbled stone of Lower Trestles.

The cut, I think, a necessary evil that should be increased and maybe applied twice per season.

Finals day silly in its current iteration, and at Lowers, but some version of a one-day shootout is not bad and maybe even good.

In any case, this year’s tour ender, set to run sometime between September 6 and 18, will not be like every other 2023 stop. Those were each ravaged by climate change, no waves during the waiting period thanks to big oil. Plenty of waves before and after thanks to World Surf League bush planting. Lowers, though, seems to back bucked the trend.

Kevin Wallis, chief forecaster at official wave prognosticator Surfline, took to Instagram days ago to declare:

Looking ahead to the WSL Finals at Lowers, there are decent odds for medium-size swell around the 8th-11th. This doesn’t look like a monster, but could be in the real sweet spot for Lowers on swell direction, period and size. Resulting surf could be in the head high to overhead range.

We’re still more than a week from the South Pacific storm forming, but there is good general agreement on the pattern developing across the various models (GFS and Euro), ensembles, etc. We’ll see how things play out in the next few days – and quality of surf will obviously be dependent on local wind and if/how much local NW windswell might get into the mix – but a promising sign roughly two weeks from the start of the event window.

While good news for surf fans, what do you imagine the feeling is in Filipe Toledo’s camp? The world number one, who will surf last and get another chance to redeem himself in case he loses, is a small wave maestro but his knees go weak in the bigger stuff. Do you think a little PTSD might kick in? Him, swinging, paddling, seeing those aforementioned cobbled stones and getting flash backs to Teahupo’o?


Stay tuned.

"Wong made comments questioning the competitive prowess of cisgender women in professional surfing, suggesting that they were inadequate in comparison to a trans woman."

Hawaii’s Queen of Pipe Moana Jones Wong latest high-profile surfer to be slammed for transphobic comments in new fusillade by Committee for Equity in Women’s Surfing

Wong joins Bethany Hamilton, Jesse Miley-Dyer, Keala Kennelly and Circe Wallace on Surf Equity's “Racist Anti-Trans Wall of Shame.”

After a wildly dominant performance against the best surfers in the world at Pipe two years back, Hawaiian Moana Jones Wong was the toast of surfing.

The baseball-bat swinging, send-the-king-of-the-Hui to jail hell-raiser Ian “Kanga” Cairns said, “She has singlehandedly put the WSL Women’s CT on her back and she’ll make Margaret River, Grajagan, Teahupoo and even Super Tubos electric.”

Now, the twenty four year old whose skills at Pipe tower over even the men’s world champion, has been slammed for wrong-think by Surf Equity, a “non-profit, which accepts all races, cultures, sexual orientations, gender identities, national origins, abilities, socioeconomic backgrounds, gender expressions, countries of origin, ethnicities, religions and genders”.

Surf Equity were made very sad after Water People, the podcast from off-the-grid living liberals Dave Rastovich and Lauren Hill featured an interview with Wong.

A little irony here. Hill made noise last year when she claimed The Surfer’s Journal “blatantly excludes female surfers, writers and photographers from the pages of TSJ”

(JP Currie wrote about that episode here.)

“What was the rationale behind Water People’s decision to feature a conversation with a prominent surfer, Moana Jones Wong, who was been associated with controversial statements?” Surf Equity posted.

“In 2023, Wong aligned herself with Bethany Hamilton in expressing views that were perceived as anti-trans and targeted towards LGBTQIA+ surfers. Additionally, Wong made comments questioning the competitive prowess of cisgender women in professional surfing, suggesting that they were inadequate in comparison to a trans woman. These incidents contribute to the rise of anti-trans sentiments within the pro surfing community, involving numerous athletes.”

You’ll remember when Surf Equity marched on Circe Wallace, wife of Chas Smith, a couple of months back, shortly after attacks on Bethany Hamilton, Keala Kennelly and Jesse Miley-Dyer.

As Smith reported,

“The openly left (too left, if you ask her husband) and ultra socially progressive Wallace, and one of the only female agents in extreme sports, was subjected to a most vicious smear with Surf Equity publishing, ‘Talent agent and former competitive snowboarder Circe Wallace is married to Chas Smith. Sadly, she pulls the strings on Chas’ misogynistic and anti-LGBTQIA+ rants.’

“Surf Equity added the equally triggering and libelous, ‘Chas Smith and Circe Wallace write and publish misogynist trash about the surf industry on their website BeachGrit,’ though Wallace has never written nor published a word and, much to her chagrin, is not included in the business documents of the biggest surf blog on earth.

“Rielly, left entirely out, tears certainly streaming down weathered cheeks, has not been reached for comment.”

Are you:

Pro-Wong or pro-Surf Equity in this latest stoush?

And, the eternal question:

Jock pussy or She Dick?

I lean towards the latter, as you know, but am open to strange fruit.

The way things should be. Photo: Mad Men
The way things should be. Photo: Mad Men

Hostilities explode into open as shrimp and pork announced as new “surf and turf” over longtime favorite lobster and steak

Pure sacrilege.

We surfers share our moniker with various others in the cultural sphere: The internet (surfing the web), television (channel surfing) and concert goers (crowd surfing), for example, but the longtime favorite has been dinner (surf and turf). Lobster and steak, on the same plate, has been a staple rich flex for generations. Each expensive on their own, the combination let other patrons of fine establishments know the orderer of the surf and turf menu item likely also drove a Rolls-Royce and lived in a stately manor.

Very Grey Poupon.

Alas, in a shock turn few saw coming, shrimp and pork is said to have taken the mantle as “peak surf and turf.”

Per foodie website TastingTable:

The allure of pork and shrimp in surf and turf lies in their ability to bridge culinary traditions, crafting memorable experiences that defy convention. In a world of endless gastronomic possibilities, this pairing of land and sea reminds us to reimagine the flavors gracing our plates and not simply accept convention.

Are there pork steaks? Sure, but we generally call them chops. If you’ve noticed how pork chops and ribeyes look somewhat similar, keen eye; they are somewhat analogous, anatomically speaking. Filet mignon, cut from the beef tenderloin, isn’t that different from a pork tenderloin filet.

As far as the shrimp is concerned, you can go with classic steakhouse flavors. Sautéing the shrimp with loads of garlic, butter, lemon, and chopped fresh herbs would make for a delightful pork pairing. You can also throw out the rulebook and follow your own tastes.


Pure sacrilege.

But where does this slippery slope lead? Chicken and clams? Turkey and tilapia?

Please write letters to your favorite local fancy restaurants declaring, as a surfer, you prefer lobster and steak.

I’m writing to Chart House now.

Shrimp and pork.

My goodness.

In wild piece of geopolitical theater, 11th best surfer in world Connor O’Leary defects from Australia to Japan

"I’m choosing to represent my family's heritage, and my cultural background."

Lots happening, right now, on the word stage. Yevgeny Prigozhin’s presumed death in Russia opened multiple questions. Who will lead his Wagner Group moving forward and will the fiercely loyal fighters protest or fall in line under reported new commander Anton “Lotus” Yelizorv? China’s economic growth has slowed down leading to an implosion of its real estate markets. Is there a possible upside for the west? The Spanish soccer federation’s chief, Luis Rubiales, has been suspended for kissing star Jenni Hermoso after La Roja took out the women’s World Cup. Will he argue that, as a Spaniard, kissing whatever, whenever is a national right? And that Jenni’s last name is beautiful?

Getting most attention, though, is the shock defection of the world’s current 11th best surfer, Connor O’Leary, from Australia to Japan.

The 29-year-old goofy footer announced the move on Instagram, writing:

I‘m excited to announce that in 2024 I will be representing Japan on the WSL World Tour.

I will also seek representation for Japan at the Paris 2024 Olympics by competing in the next ISA World Surfing Games.
After much reflection and consideration I am choosing Japan. I’m choosing to represent my family’s heritage, and my cultural background.

The decision was made internally back in October 2022 and it has been a challenging process to complete the transfer of nations.

I am happy it is final and i can officially share it with you all.

It feels right so Lets go!!

Excited for what’s to come.

Kanoa Igarashi, who defected from Huntington Beach, California to Japan nearly four years ago and won silver for the Land of the Rising Sun in the 2020 Olympics did not react though many surf luminaries did.

Italy’s Leo Fioravanti wrote, “Yes bro, great decision.”

Indonesia’s Rio Waida added, “Yesssss Connor san!”

Australia’s Jackson Baker swore, “Fucken oath bruva,” in unintelligible English, likely very angry about the betrayal.

The 2024 Olympics, as you know, will be held in the very scary waves of Teahupo’o on Tahiti. As O’Leary is currently ranked above Igarashi, does this mean he has now qualified and Igarashi has not?

Not that I care.

I’m mostly sad, I suppose, that defections aren’t fun like they used to be. The great Russian ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev, for example, made a dramatic splash when he fled his KGB handlers while in Paris and ran into the arms of the French at Charles de Gaulle. Going on Instagram and pledging new allegiance such a snooze.

Three-time champ Mick Fanning, the most phenomenal surfer ever to come out of Tweed Heads, and Ethan Ewing at last year's Grand Final.

Ethan Ewing continues miracle recovery from spinal injury as sources say Australian driven by desire to keep Gabriel Medina from taking Finals Day slot

Meanwhile, world champ Toledo walks around San Clemente thrusting his jaw out like a tanned Mussolini.

The Australian world number three Ethan Ewing, a man with two busted vertebrate from a Teahupoo wipeout a couple weeks back and a talent so infernal Brazilians want to kill him, is reportedly training like hell in the gymnasium to snatch an unlikely world title at Lowers in September.

The baby-faced twenty four year old with an ass both women and men describe as “overwhelming” has surfed six times since the injury and is busy preparing his quiver of Darren Handley surfboards for the one-day surf-off that’ll run some time between September eight and sixteen at San Clemente’s Lower Trestles.


View this post on Instagram


A post shared by EE (@ethan_ewing)

The favourite to win the contest is the small-wave wizard and reigning world champion Filipe Toledo, who is fully aware of the glory that surrounds him and who walks around San Clemente thrusting his jaw out like a tanned Mussolini.

Not everyone is a fan of his reign, howevs.

From last year’s report by JP Currie,

Toledo’s maiden title was a predictable outcome you’d have been foolish to bet against. Luckily I didn’t in the end.

Do you accept the brittle Brazilian as your champion? His skills are not in doubt, of course. In certain conditions he’s unparalleled. His technical mastery of a surfboard is second to none.

His commitment is not so certain.

Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that our world champion should be a surfer we believe has the capacity to win at any stop on Tour. Filipe Toledo is not that surfer, and yet here we are.

I’ve no wish to belabour this point. Toledo’s history and sub-par performances at some of the world’s most iconic waves are well documented by now, to the point that it’s become trite to point it out. If he hasn’t progressed, that’s on him.

The title may not be served to Toledo on an d’oeuvres platter as per last year, as judges continue to shift from rewarding frenetic but unpretty airs to melting over smooth, highly technical combos, the domain of Colapinto and Ewing.

And Ewing, whose smile grows cold when talk turns to Medina taking his spot at Lowers despite the WSL hosing down the suggestion and Medina himself treating his troupe of handsome guy-pals to a lavish Bora Bora vacay, is reportedly at eighty percent fitness.

He is, also, extremely keen to mop up the blood from last year.

Again, from JP Currie,

Trestles was always going to be a venue that punished Ethan and Jack, two men raised on a steady diet of real waves. Their surfing has been honed by power and consequence. To see them stunted by Californian dribble fizzling over cobblestones felt a bit like trapping their nature, squeezing it into some environment in which it didn’t belong.

Ewing was an albatross in an aviary, wings clipped and saddened. To see him force his back foot through turns on weak sections was not only demoralising but borderline offensive.

Getting excited? Are you ready yet to admit the disappeared CEO created a classic?