Meanwhile, world champ Toledo walks around San Clemente thrusting his jaw out like a tanned Mussolini.
The Australian world number three Ethan Ewing, a man with two busted vertebrate from a Teahupoo wipeout a couple weeks back and a talent so infernal Brazilians want to kill him, is reportedly training like hell in the gymnasium to snatch an unlikely world title at Lowers in September.
The baby-faced twenty four year old with an ass both women and men describe as “overwhelming” has surfed six times since the injury and is busy preparing his quiver of Darren Handley surfboards for the one-day surf-off that’ll run some time between September eight and sixteen at San Clemente’s Lower Trestles.
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The favourite to win the contest is the small-wave wizard and reigning world champion Filipe Toledo, who is fully aware of the glory that surrounds him and who walks around San Clemente thrusting his jaw out like a tanned Mussolini.
Not everyone is a fan of his reign, howevs.
From last year’s report by JP Currie,
Toledo’s maiden title was a predictable outcome you’d have been foolish to bet against. Luckily I didn’t in the end.
Do you accept the brittle Brazilian as your champion? His skills are not in doubt, of course. In certain conditions he’s unparalleled. His technical mastery of a surfboard is second to none.
His commitment is not so certain.
Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that our world champion should be a surfer we believe has the capacity to win at any stop on Tour. Filipe Toledo is not that surfer, and yet here we are.
I’ve no wish to belabour this point. Toledo’s history and sub-par performances at some of the world’s most iconic waves are well documented by now, to the point that it’s become trite to point it out. If he hasn’t progressed, that’s on him.
The title may not be served to Toledo on an d’oeuvres platter as per last year, as judges continue to shift from rewarding frenetic but unpretty airs to melting over smooth, highly technical combos, the domain of Colapinto and Ewing.
And Ewing, whose smile grows cold when talk turns to Medina taking his spot at Lowers despite the WSL hosing down the suggestion and Medina himself treating his troupe of handsome guy-pals to a lavish Bora Bora vacay, is reportedly at eighty percent fitness.
He is, also, extremely keen to mop up the blood from last year.
Trestles was always going to be a venue that punished Ethan and Jack, two men raised on a steady diet of real waves. Their surfing has been honed by power and consequence. To see them stunted by Californian dribble fizzling over cobblestones felt a bit like trapping their nature, squeezing it into some environment in which it didn’t belong.
Ewing was an albatross in an aviary, wings clipped and saddened. To see him force his back foot through turns on weak sections was not only demoralising but borderline offensive.
Getting excited? Are you ready yet to admit the disappeared CEO created a classic?
“…with an ass both women and men describe as’ overwhelming’ …”
If a straight guy had written that about a girl, he’d be in legal problems…
When a gold digger smells gold, anything goes. Mmmm that medal around my neck feels right, “let’s go”…
Loved the comparison of Toledo’s jutting jaw to Mussolini.
But otherwise the takeaway is:
White men have the rail game
And style and courage
But they can’t surf small waves
Brazilians have the air game
But lack rail and style
And in some cases, courage
And yet Medina, even sans the rail game, is currently the best surfer in the world.
our grundles are meticulously kept shiny clean and as peppy as a christian K-Pop boy band. american exceptionalism
former New York Knicks great, Patrick, is his cousin
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Toledo the brave ,Bozo the clown ,and Medina the Ugly (style ,obviously) ,the face of Brazil surfing,…… what a fucken joke . No shit – all the kooks from every quarter,..like Chas and Lee scales ( both rudimentary surfers with a full blown shameless seppo lean ) claiming Medina best ever surfer at chopes …….you fuckin tools . Clueless
Trestles is a fucken joke . Proden and fat face mini circle jerk off ,on latest lineup episode about how great the tour is . Fat face was even offered, carte Blanche – to voice his own opinion by the seppo WSL Uncle Tom ….. cunt rolled over like a fat fuck
Time for surfing to be handed Down ,…. Down under cunts
that was cheery & bright
If ELO was still piloting this doomed vessel I’d bet heavily on Ethan. Nothing he loved more than a smaltzy story of an unlikely comeback! The question is how much of ELO’s DNA remains smeared all over the WSL?
call out toledo’s inadequacy in real surf and I’ll agree all day, but “frenetic and unpretty” he is not. his rail work is easily on par with ewing’s and just as easily surpasses colapinto’s, and his technical flair in the process is unrivaled. (edit: and he’s way faster.)
Maybe this is just Ethan’s “fuck you” to all the Brazzo fans after all the death threats, i.e., communicating, “I will absolutely paddle out and catch zero waves whatsoever so long as it denies Medina a spot in the Final 5.”
be also a massive “fuck you” to the wsl Final 5 day too
final 4.
they can’t say it.
maxwell smart: “Very interesting…99?”
There is no 5.
Medina is not in.
I’m pretty sure he’s pushed in, seeing the recent media post.
I mean I broke two vertebrate and was back in the water after two months. Was I followed by an insurance company I was suing, yes. Did I lose a bunch of money, yes. But I got lifetime percocet and 15 k cash. Now if only I can stop limping.
all Doctor’s agree…except this chirp from the dude in the back row…”walk it off…”
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Throw this on a t-shirt
Damn this is juicy. Well done.