“That thing, imagine slapping that f**king arse, it’s pretty good.”

Do you remember one year ago when Paul Fisher, the pro surfer turned Grammy-nominated DJ, went on a podcast hosted by his wife Chloe and her pal Ellidy Pullin and spoke frankly of his boldest sexual fantasies?

In the vein of a young Barack Obama who wrote of making “love to men daily, but in the imagination” Fisher, playing a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill, said he would “definitely have to fuck Hemsworth… That thing, imagine slapping that fucking arse, it’s pretty good.”

Fisher then nominated the mixed martial artist and former UFC champion in both the featherweight and lightweight divisions Conor McGregor as someone whom he would enjoy getting down on his knees behind and examining the machine more attentively before, cock stiff as a drainpipe and as red as a cheap piece of fishing tackle, working away like a billy goat.

Now, on the occasion of Hemsworth’s fortieth birthday, thirty-six-year-old Fisher has posted a compilation of his favourite moments with the star of Thor and Hunt including a loving pan across the actor’s famously chiselled body as he removes wax from his surfboard.

“Fucking have a go at it ladies,” says Fisher, “look at the rig on that thing!”

True!

 

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A post shared by FISHER (@followthefishtv)

“I'm in shock. It makes me wanna cry.”

Each day reveals new horrors from the Maui wildfires that have killed at least one hundred and destroyed much of Lahaina, a former royal capital of Hawaii, which includes a gorgeous old township that has had tourists swooning for two hundred years.

“Along the empty streets of Lahaina, the warped shells of vehicles sit as if frozen in time, some of them still in the middle of the road, pointed toward escapes that were cut short,” reported the New York Times. “Others stand in driveways next to houses that are now piles of ash, many still smoldering with acrid smoke.

“A few agitated myna birds chirp from their perches on palm trees that have been singed into matchsticks, the carcasses of other birds and several cats scattered below them in the streets.

“Across the town that was once home to 13,000 people, residents are slowly returning and sifting through the debris of their homes, some of them in tears, finding little to salvage.”

In an off-the-cuff airport interview with a TMZ citizen reporter, Kelly Slater described a pal riding his bike through Lahaina amid piles of dead bodies (“A lot more people have passed away than they’re talking about…the news hasn’t got a grasp on how bad it is”), another few pals who’ve lost houses, one only able to save his dog and a backpack and the horror of residents trying to escape the flames by jumping in the water only to find it ablaze “because of all the boats burning in the harbour and the fuel on top of the water.”

The Champ, who was en route to a first round loss in Tahiti after chasing the Namibian Rickshaw in West Africa, said he was “in shock…I just wanna cry.”

Sources say Ewing may have to wait three months for an operation followed by six months out of the water. 

The world number two surfer Ethan Ewing, whose run for the world title was stopped three days ago when he broke his back at Teahupoo, is reportedly “not in good shape” and may have to wait three months for an operation, followed by six months out of the water. 

The twenty-four-year-old Australian’s accident was met with aquarium-like silence by the drama-adverse World Surf League, who merely mentioned he’d been scratched from the upcoming Tahitian Pro and replaced by a local surfer. 

Now, the boy from North Stradbroke Island with the velvet smooth style who spectacularly won this year’s Bells event forty years after his late mama’s victory there, has addressed his fans via Instagram. 

“I hit the reef really hard at Teahupoo the other morning fracturing bones in my lower back. The wipeout was a huge shock and I’m super devastated that I’ve withdrawn from the Tahiti Pro but also grateful that I wasn’t more seriously hurt. So many people helped me that day but I especially want to say a massive thank you to @tahuraihenry for helping me out of the impact zone and getting me safely to the beach. Also, Vairao Firefighters for the transport, the Papeete hospital staff for their care and professionalism.” 

 

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A post shared by EE (@ethan_ewing)

A who’s who of the world’s best surfers lined up to praise the blue-eyed blond college boy looking surfer who has everything that represents paradise on earth: the style, the critical praise, the handsome body, money in the bank, worldwide popularity. 

“Love you Eth dog,” wrote Griffin Colapinto. 

Carissa Moore: “We love you Eth.” 

Mick Fanning: “Heal up strong mate. Sending lots of positive vibes.” 

Rescuer Tahurai Henry, “You’ll be back stronger than ever mate ! Wish you the best recovery and hopefully see you soon ! Thanks for the magic boards.” 

Spinal fractures aren’t a straightforward recovery, surgery, braces, physical therapy and, often, life is never quite the same after busting your back. 

Wild ol year for Ethan. Prior to his accident, he’d endured an avalanche of criticism, including a death threat, after a favourable decision at the Surf Ranch Pro.

“One day, you will compete here in Brazil and us will remember you. Get ready,” wrote André Guzelini in a DM to Ewing, and whose profile photo on Instagram showed him trussed up in some sort of military uniform suggesting he was a weapons sorta guy. “I’m saying again, here in Brazil, we will kill you. Saquarema will be your funeral.” 

Others promised to soak the sands of Saquarema a blood red.

Let’s invade Saquarema! Protest against this rigged league

When Brazil’s stage arrives, the judges get piano and judge even right, last year it was like that. Because the previous leg was El Salvador and there was that robbery there of Filipe against Griffin in the final.

Griffin is WSL darling for being American just like Ewing and Robinson for being Australian. The guys don’t accept the World Championship of another Brazilian for a financial reason and appeal to the two most important markets for surfing: USA and Australia. Justice, righteousness, right, have been relegated to the background because interest is financial. WSL is a SHAME

Ruin the sport with no shame

Bullshit!!! Medina win in water and judges win in paper….Nonsense

how far has it come. For the USA to beat the Brazilians just by stealing. Shame league!!!!!

Finals Day at Lowers, a one-day grand final that’ll run on the best day of surf between September 8 and 16 and decide the world champion, will now feature four, and not five surfers, following Ewing’s withdrawal.

“Did you ever think you would have to illegally smuggle supplies to help people in need?”

The big-wave surfer Kai Lenny, the boy with the mild, defenceless eyes of a lamb flung down between the hyenas and the tigers of the world, has mobilised his over one-million followers after supplies of insulin to fire-ravaged Maui were blocked by government bureaucrats.

“Something big is happening right now,” said Lenny in a piece to camera. “We’re trying to get insulin flown in from Kona but our flights are being blocked by the Department of Health…a lot of people need their medical needs met…people are suffering… we have no support…”

The strikingly unique Maui native whom no woman or man can resist, spoke about government, county through state and federal, hindering efforts to get medicines on the island including stopping jetski and boat deliveries.

 

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A post shared by Kai Lenny (@kai_lenny)

The absurd bureaucratic red tape alongside a lack of governmental support drew sharp fire from Lenny’s followers.

My thoughts are with you guys, Biden disgusts me, he can send billions to Ukraine and to prolong that war and the Maui islanders are struggling to get supplies and be blocked by red tape.

STOP VOTING FOR AND BELIEVING IN DEMOCRATS HAWAII! Case in point. @kai_lenny puts it down perfectly here. We are supporting through individuals, F the corrupt liberal government in evil DC

Did you ever think you would have to illegally smuggle supplies to help people in need?

So sorry for all you people over there are going thru. My take on this mess up with our government, the want us to completely depend on them for support and all. Then when we need them the most they aren’t there. Biden just left our state. Couldn’t figure out why he was really there but he shows up, and says he’s doing all he can to help you. “Maybe quit running around doing stupid stuff and send aid to those who need it most right now”!!

his is BS. The Health Department is schooled in disaster preparedness and in working with The Red Cross to make sure this “red-tape” crap doesn’t happen. Get the people of Maui the medication and everything they need!

Of course, no government is immune to the power of social media and shortly after Lenny’s post, The Department of Health cleared the flight and the Coast Guard agreed not to stop the skis and boats.

“Because everyone shared and posted about it it’s been cleared… this is the power of the people,” said Lenny.

The response to the fires, which have killed at least eighty people, has echoes of George Dub Bush’s response to ravaged New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, Americans left to fend for themselves in wretched conditions despite the almost limitless resources of the world’s richest country.

It always surprises me, and it shouldn’t by now I suppose, when presidents don’t throw the kitchen sink at a disaster, launching choppers and ships and pouring money into boots and supplies on the ground. The political capital gained is immeasurable and the money spent can be found later.

Fly in, hug a few weeping mamas, visit the hozzy, promise to rebuild and so on.

 

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