This means war.

One day, we will gather our children around our feet, order them to sit and begin to speak using our most serious baritones. “Children,” we will say, “it is time to learn about the great surf industry that was once fruitful and bold, about fierce brands like Quiksilver, Billabong, Volcom and Hurley…”

The children will likely interrupt at this point and ask, “Beard oil companies?”

“No!” we will roar in response.

“Not beard oil companies!” but then will have to correct ourselves. “Yes, they are beard oil companies today but they were not always such. They once produced t-shirts and trunks that would be desired and sponsor teams of professional surfers who would wear the logo with pride and belong to it.”

The children, still confused, will ask, “They belonged to beard oil companies?”

And we will, likely, give up.

But it is true, there was a time when the brands meant something, their surfers were identified and poaching one was a direct affront.

Thankfully, we have surfboard shapers carrying the mantle and look, a major coup just announced as Channel Islands has poached Hawaiian stud Barron Mamiya from rival Sharp Eye.

Ooooeee.

But what do you think the mood is San Diego, where Sharp Eye calls home? Revenge being plotted? Fear that small wave world champion Filipe Toledo might be next? Landing with Mayhem?

What about the mood in Ventura, where Channel Islands calls home? Much toasting but also surveying the landscape? Who might be next to bring over to the tri-hexagon?

Exciting days, in any case.

"The blood was squirting, which means it's arterial..."

As surfers, as seafaring adventurers, we are well aware of the dangers we face every time we step foot in the vast ocean. From sharks to stingrays, extra chilly temperatures to sunburn, trouble lurks everywhere to make no mention of the surfboard itself. The fiberglass and foam missile, either Patriot or SCUD (longboard), is the vehicle for fun, certainly, but get out of line and wham-o. Right in the kisser.

Or worse.

And let us travel to San Diego’s Pacific Beach where a 22-year-old was miraculously saved after slicing her femoral artery with the nasty fin of her surfboard.

“I remember coming up from the water, and then within five seconds, I felt the excruciating pain,” Allie Brieghner told San Diego’s NBC affiliate.

Within 20 seconds, she passed out.

Her friend, Alec Maddox, thankfully nearby saw she was in trouble.

“The blood was squirting, which means it’s arterial, so I had to get her out of the water as fast as I could.”

The brave man carried her to the beach and fashioned a tourniquet from leashes which he cranked down tight with a stick.

“Somebody nearby found me the surf leash, and they detached it from the surfboard, so I just wrapped it around her leg a couple of times and made a little loop because you need to put a stick through this so you can crank it, so I had somebody go grab me a stick as well,” Maddox said, having learned the trick in the Marine Corps.

Ms. Brieghner was rushed to a local hospital where doctors removed her femoral artery and stapled it back together before re-inserting it into her leg.

“If there’s anything that anyone can take from this, it is to be more aware of the board you have and the fins because it was a freak accident. If they were more like a rubber fin, I don’t think it would have severed my femoral artery or cut through as much,” she said at the end.

Food for thought.

“Mick Fanning being interviewed after I assume 40 beers was the icing on the cake.”

If you’re an Australian living on its eastern mainland flank, but not including Victoria, you’ll be aware there was a rugby league grand final last night and that a team called Penrith, which is a little town at the foot of the Blue Mountains, won a tremendously exciting match. 

And, the three-time world champ Michael Eugene Fanning, who was born in Penrith in 1981 before moving to Tweed Heads in 1993, was in the thick of the celebrations, looking very much like a pink-faced cherub amid the sweating brown bodies. 

Following the game, Fanning, forty-two and very much nourished by the win, was interviewed by a television reporter and gave a performance that has been unanimously praised by football fans on social media. 

 

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“Mick Fanning ain’t driving the Panthers bus tonight.” 

“I reckon Mick Fanning has had a beer or 20!!”

“Mick Fanning is smashed haha.”

As he strolled through the winning players, Mick responds to questioning with,

“Are you kidding? This is the best thing ever. Oh my god, this is sooo amazingl, like, phew, look at it!”

Tears in Kelly Slater’s camp, however, as Mick, a straight-shooter if ever there was one, tells the reporter that Penrith’s co- captain Nathan Clearly is “the greatest athlete on earth” usurping common opinion, including mine, that Slater is the greatest sportsman of any era and medium.

Not Mick.

“Seriously, I swear to God, (Cleary’s) the greatest athlete on earth,” repeats Mick. “He went absolutely loony.”

Pointed.

Watch here!

Will rebel Surfing Santas arise?

It is now the first day of October and the commencement of the holiday season crackles on the ever cooling (or warming for our Australian brothers and sisters) air. The unmistakable scent of Laird Superfoods Pumpkin Spice non-dairy coffee creamer wafting. Peace and goodwill on the House floor of the U.S. Congress. Surfing Santas dusting off those iconic red costumes, getting ready to paddle out on Christmas Day.

Yes, the yearly tradition in Cocoa Beach, Florida brings much joy to all. As many as 800 Santas now surf for a crowd that has swelled to over 10,000 underneath the all-seeing eye of the town’s Kelly Slater statue.

A perfect marriage of whimsy and pride.

Alas, though, heartbreaking news has just rippled through the entire Space Coast as Surfing Santas event is set to move away from the bronze and beautiful Slater, three miles up the beach to some strip of god-forsaken nothing.

In a stunning announcement, organizers attempted to soft-pedal the tragedy, declaring:

We have EXCITING NEWS! Surfing Santas 2023 will be in a NEW LOCATION! We’ll be surfing and celebrating right down the road at Shepard Park, Cocoa Beach… where 520 meets the ocean. This is a really great change for us for so many reasons, but here are just a few:

-More beachfront and nearby parking… goodbye, stressful traffic jams!
-Less overall congestion than downtown as attendees can arrive directly from north, south and west, and guests in the nearby beachside hotels can walk to the venue.
-Easier access set up for staging and closer media and staff parking and access. (Our amazing volunteers will jump for joy at this one.)
-Actual handicap parking and easy access to the beach.
-Opportunity and room for the possibility of coffee/food trucks to participate.
-A brick and mortar bathroom at the park + more room for portalets than downtown Cocoa Beach.
– Onsite power and water.
-Public gazebos where families or friends can hang out or picnic after the event.
-It is one block from the Florida Surf Museum, which actually hosts the event — this will provide the opportunity for more people to actually visit the museum!
-Lots of local restaurants to serve our Surfing Santas family. (Our friends at Long Doggers are close by and open for lunch!)
-It is still Cocoa Beach! Home sweet home.

We are so stoked for Christmas Eve morning at Shepard Park, and we look forward to this year being our best one yet. See you there!

Can it ever really be Christmas without the Kelly Slater statue? No amount to brick and mortar bathrooms can make up for this.

No word, yet, if purists might stage a rebel Surfing Santas event at the site of its original home.

Here’s hoping for a Christmas miracle.