Dead whale (pictured) with wind turbines and angry Australian surfers involved. Photo: photo
Dead whale (pictured) with wind turbines and angry Australian surfers involved. Photo: photo

Australian surfers accused of promoting gruesome whale death misinformation!

"Down with big wind!"

It is generally not wise to trust surfers on matters of importance. Other than Kelly Slater, who knows more than most doctors and also has a Chinese girlfriend, surfers are generally not well-read nor particularly discerning. Used to passing disinformation onto fellow surfers under the guise of hiding “secret spots.” Fairly vacant.

And Australian surfers, let’s be honest, a touch dumber than all others save American surfers, Brazilian surfers, French surfers, and definitely South African surfers. Portuguese surfers and Chilean surfers too. Canadian surfers. Etc.

Well, as it turns out the aforementioned Australian surfers are caught up spewing alleged lies over a planned wind farm that is to be built off the New South Welsh coast. While ecologists hail the proposal as exceedingly green, the surfers have joined with fishermen, tourism operators and politicians to oppose the business over citing “whale death” as the major concern.

Signs featuring beached whales in foreground, wind turbine in background now ubiquitous around the region.

Australian Surfers Push “Wind Kills Whales” Agenda

Though, apparently, the science does not support mass whale die-off due “Puff Power.”

Quentin Hanich, the editor-in-chief of the academic journal Marine Policy and professorial fellow at the University of Wollongong, has, according to The Guardian, “spent this week debunking a fake article shared on social media that purported to be from his publication which claimed offshore wind projects in the Illawarra and Hunter would kill 400 whales a year.”

“There’s been a whole bunch of continuing dialogue that suggests that windfarms kill whales without any actual evidence to demonstrate that that’s the case,” Hanich declared.

Australian surfers, apparently, don’t care and have planned paddle-outs to call attention to all the whales probably dying.

A very powerful tool though maybe they should have considered a billboard?

Something extra funny, cheap and character-revealing?

Whatever the case, those in favor of the turbines declare that surfers are in the pockets of “Big Mine” and are stupid.

Are they?

Do you have a position vis a vis wind?

Let’s hear it!

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Vans and Walmart reach settlement over retail titan “shamelessly selling copycat (Vans) shoes”

Walmart argued that Vans’ trademark rights are “weak.”

Two years ago, Vans threw their lawyers at Walmart for allegedly, well, look for yourself and you can see how allegedly it is, knocking off its famous designs. 

Vans told the US District Court the Arkansas-based retailer was “shamelessly selling copycat shoes in a direct effort to confuse consumers, unlawfully siphon sales from Vans, and intentionally damage its valuable intellectual property rights.” 

And, was “flood[ing] the market with cheap, low-quality, and confusingly similar shoes” that are little more than “blatant knockoff versions.”

Vans said the shoes were causing actual confusion among consumers “and set out claims of direct and contributory trademark infringement, unfair competition, and false designation of origin under the Lanham Act and California state law, and sought injunctive relief and monetary damages.”

Walmart argued that Vans’ trademark rights are “weak” and that consumers ain’t that dumb; that you don’t have to be real smart to tell the diff between a Walmart version of Vans’ kicks and the real thing. 

The judge sided with the OGs, saying its designs, the side-stripe logo, the checkerboard slip-on etc, were “distinctive” and were “valid and protectable.” 

Judge also said that a “reasonably prudent consumer” is probs gonna be confused. 

The settlement was undisclosed but after two years of fighting, Vans wouldn’t have let go of that bone cheap.

Even if it ain’t owned by the late, great Pauly Van Doren anymore, the brand is as authentic as it comes. 

Van Doren, a high-school drop-out, whose nickname was Dutch the Clutch, created the Van Doren Rubber Co in 1966 with his little brother, James, who died in 2011, and their pals Gordon, Ryan Emmert and Serge D’Elia. 

The first store, in Anaheim, California, sold American-made shoes direct to the public with the slogan, “Canvas Shoes for the Entire Family” at prices between two and four dollars a pair. 

Y’don’t have to trawl too deep into a surfer or skater’s wardrobe to find a dirty ol pair of Off the Walls or Authentics, shoes mercifully unchanged in almost fifty years.

As Stacy Peralta said: “Vans is one of the greatest legacy companies not only in skateboarding, but in the worldwide community of action sports.”

Final words go, as they must, to Sean Penn, who used his own pair of  OTW  slip-ons in the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a decision that would propel sales of the show into the stratosphere.

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Surf fight in Brazil goes viral
Surfers in Brazil are famous for using all sorts of weaponry, surfboards, fists, tears, surprise, in surf fights.

Brutal surf fight goes viral, “One surfer broke his board, the other lost his teeth!”

Wild melee at Brazil beach rivals even the famous Smith-Goggans showdowns of yore!

How many surf fights y’seen live? As in, punches thrown, landed, carotid arteries squeezed, arms hyperextended and so on.

One of the better I’ve seen was at Burleigh Heads, a “gleaming right-breaking Australian point wave located on the subtropical Gold Coast of Queensland, set against a picturesque lava rock headland.”

A local surfer dropped in on an out-of-towner, not so much a Val, more the Emerging Intermediate. 

The Gold Coast points will forgive a multitude of sins, technique wise, and even a surfer who has yet to master rudimentary turns can appear competent on the easy long walls.

The EI didn’t say a word. The local did a roundhouse cutback off the guy and they disappeared. A few seconds later the local surfaced holding a clump of the shrieking man’s bristly yellow hair in his fist.

Across the Pacific and up the west coast at Silver Strand, a mile-long hit of sand with waves powered by an open water trench, locals created a fight club to avoid the indignity of trying to fight in the ocean. 

Punchy waves and punchy locals.

Fighting might be fun as hell, but it has its drawbacks.

Cops, litigation, prison etc.

Less so in Brazil, of course, where we find the protagonists of this surf fight.

A surfer is approached after his session by a man intent on violence, a surf fight where the advantage goes to the man who isn’t encumbered by a surfboard.

The surfer with the surfboard uses his encumbrance as his advantage in the surf fight. He  leads with a left jab and swings an effective right hook, his surfboard an extension of his fist.

Relative chaos ensues.

Comments swing both ways on the rights and wrongs of the case.

Bravo in surfing. That post surf vibe.

Skate culture=cool, friendly, inclusive
Surf culture=super duper gay

What a shame! These ain’t even surfers… a surfer is the one who sits on his board, he travels imagining how many nautical miles the wave he will take until it breaks on the stand!

It ain’t as bloody or as brutal as either of the Goggans-Smith showdowns, surf fights in all but medium, but it is equally pleasing to watch.

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Guy Kawasaki (insert) and former boss Steve Jobs as envisioned by Ashton Kutcher. Photo: Jobs
Guy Kawasaki (insert) and former boss Steve Jobs as envisioned by Ashton Kutcher. Photo: Jobs

Marketing guru who put Apple on map transitions to super VAL!

“I almost called you up today to postpone this interview to go surf...”

It is no secret that the VAL, or Vulnerable Adult Learner, has wildly spiked in these the days of our surfing lives. The 30, 40, even 50-plus set discovering what was once a youthful game and giving it a go. Old dogs learning new tricks like “how to get in the way” and “poo stance.” It is inspirational in many ways and Guy Kawasaki must certainly be the most inspirational of all.

The handsome 69-year-old was born in beautiful Honolulu to a fireman father and stay-at-home mother. After graduating from ‘Iolani School, where royalty once went, he matriculated at Stanford. In 1983, Kawasaki got a job at a fledgling personal computer company called Apple as “chief evangelist.” And it was his marketing savvy that launched the “Macintosh” into hearts and minds the world over.

He has since gone on to sit on many important boards like Google, Motorola, Canva and, most importantly to him, surfboard. Yes, Mr. Guy Kawasaki discovered the “Sport of Kings” at the ripe age of 60 and now is ruled by “the tides.”

The brains behind “marketing evangelism,” now lives in Santa Cruz, owns twenty surfboards and has “now surfed almost three continents” according to a new interview in The Information. The whole thing almost got blown off, though.

“I almost called you up today to postpone this interview to go surf,” he laughed during a recent call with the interviewer. “All my meetings, interviews, podcast recordings— everything is scheduled around the tide.”

“His mind is usually half on work, and half on the Pacific Ocean, where he rarely misses an opportunity to surf the low tide,” Margaux MacColl writes before the story disappears behind the paywall.

Enough here for us to discuss though.

Firstly, is the “almost three continents” bit. How “almost?” Also how many continents have you surfed? I’ve got almost five because I thought about surfing in Brazil, when there recently, but didn’t.

Secondly, why is Kawasaki so fixated on tides? I mean, the tide is certainly important.More important depending on where one is surfing, but I consider swell more critical. Am I wrong here? Is this why my progression has stalled?

Well, that’s all I have for you.

Hope it was informative.

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Surfing at Rincon Point.

Battlelines drawn between surfers and homeowners over beach access at Rincon Point!

Journalist visits county assessor's office to find out who has right of way at Rincon, surfers or homeowners?

A few years ago on Thanksgiving Day, a property owner near the bottom of Rincon Point complained that I was standing on his land.

This came as a surprise to me.

I could readily see the low retaining wall that separated his patio from where I was standing. What I did not see was any other sign that the space I occupied belonged to him.

Somehow, I had trespassed across a property line that was invisible to me. The encounter nagged at me.

Was I standing on the public beach or private property?

Since then, a few properties along the lower section of the point have extended their landscaping outward, in a likely attempt to gain some space between their private patios and the public beach. Most of low boundary walls that march up the point already have pointed rocks or flower pots placed along the top to prevent anyone from sitting on them, much like the spikes placed on buildings to deter birds.

In truth, surfers are not all that different from a pack of squawking sea gulls.

Recently, I walked back to the parking lot after riding some hilariously mediocre waves. I was thinking about how stupid surfing is when I tripped over one of the cobbles a property owner had pulled off the beach and used to section off their plants into a cute rock-framed bed. This hurt my toe and made me curse loudly.

I decided right then and there that I was going to figure this whole thing out. I’m just a dumb surfer, but surely, I should be able to find the beach. Where does the public beach end and the homeowners private space begin?

You would think it would be easy to find out, but it turns out that sometimes the most obvious questions are the most complicated. Also, I have gained a truly irrational hatred for land surveyors.

How do I get to Rincon?

Exit Bates Road, you can’t miss it. Now that we’re all here, let’s get some basic geography out of the way. The county line between Santa Barbara and Ventura runs down the middle of Rincon Creek, commonly known as the rivermouth where it meets the beach. The area to the west of the rivermouth is Santa Barbara County. Head east toward the Rincon cove, and suddenly, you’re in Ventura County.

You can even stand in both counties at the same time, if you want. You do you.

A private, gated community occupies the low-lying peninsula that creates the famous point, and a nearly unbroken line of houses runs the length of the beach. Local memories are not super clear on dates and details, but until sometime in the early 1980s, surfers parked on the freeway shoulder and climbed down a short embankment to access the Rincon cove.

To reach the beach at the top of the point required climbing down the bluffs. I feel that you will not be surprised to learn that it was also a nude beach. Off-season swells remained a tightly-held secret.

“Access was tricky, and owners tried to keep surfers out,” one long-time local told me.

This makes sense. Surfers are gross.

It’s all a lot easier now. No more climbing down a precarious cliff. Pull into the parking lot owned by Santa Barbara County Parks, walk down the stairs, and surf the top of the point. A sign just before the staircase says that nudity is prohibited. Modern times are so inhibited.

California State Parks meanwhile owns the lower parking lot and the access trail to the cove.

A ribbon of beach runs from the State Parks access trail to the rivermouth, bounded by the ocean on one side and the line of houses on the other. Ventura County owns this part, and it was news to me to discover that only the parking lot, smelly pit toilet, and trail are part of the State Parks.

I will go ahead and confess that it took longer than I’d like to admit for me to discover this detail. The devil loves to lurk in the details.

Let’s find the beach

While the beach at the top of the point is spacious with much glorious white sand most of the year, the cove section is a considerably more intimate affair. Into the tight space between the ocean and the houses cram beach-goers, Wavestorms, vintage longboards, dirty towels, pot smoke, melted wax and the other assorted detritus surfing creates.

And it’s this zone on the Ventura County side of the point where property owners seem to want to create a little distance from all of that.

If I wanted to find the beach’s boundaries, Ventura County seemed like the most obvious place to look. I thought surely I could find a map or other useful thing that explained where the beach begins and ends.

It is good to have hopes and dreams, if only so that they can be dashed on the cruel rocks of reality.

While I did find several line drawings of the point and its houses, I did not find a map sufficiently detailed to show the boundaries with any exactitude. Text descriptions proved no less illuminating.

One example airily stated that Rincon beach extended up to the houses. After digging through visitor information and county planning documents, I did not find any mention of an easement or buffer in front of the private properties.

There was nothing that said clearly, “Hey dumb surfers! Stay away from the houses!”

One document helpfully explained the California Coastal Act requirements, which demand access to the mean high tide line. But that’s the minimum, and none of the long-time locals I asked could recall the beach itself at Rincon as ever being private. And the holy grail of my search, a handy map eluded me. I still had not found the beach.

Sitting in my glass house

Built in 1969, the Glass House sits close to the midpoint of Rincon Cove, where it serves as a lineup marker much like the flagpole that stands at the cove’s top. Originally, the house’s ocean-facing façade featured massive windows framed in dark wood, making the nickname an obvious choice.

A more durable stone has since replaced the wood and the Glass House now boasts a red-tile roof and a vaguely Italianate style. It does still live up to its name, though by featuring many windows.

For years, a trail has run the length of the cove to the flagpole. It’s never been official, but instead has reflected the migratory habits of many winters of surfers.

Park in the State Parks lot, use the stinky toilet, and walk down to the beach. Cruise the trail to check the top of the point and have a look around. Sit on a chunk of drift wood and throw rocks, because the tide is too high. Walk back up the trail, because the tide is perfect, and paddle out at the flagpole or the rivermouth. High tides can cover the beach entirely, so the trail is a pretty useful thing.

Sometime this past summer, the owners of the Glass House, or someone like them seem to have decided that the trail passed entirely too close to their property.

First, stacks of driftwood appeared, which blocked the entrance and exit to the trail in front of the house. A low wall of cobbles and piles of driftwood also enclosed two square areas out in front of the patio, and a new cobbled walkway, built from the beach’s rocks led to the patio’s gate. Soon after, the stacks of driftwood moved to cover the trail itself.

We all know that there are more surfers than ever now. That reality means that beaches like Rincon have become more crowded. It is perhaps understandable that a property owner might become weary of watching a steady stream of surfers walk past their house. As we have established, surfers are gross. That’s all well and good.

But if the trail passes over public land, it’s not the property owner’s decision to make. On our side of the line, we can be as gross as we want. So, where is the line?

It’s Cool to Hate

If you’ve ever bought a house in the U.S., you will know that property lines and many other such details about your beautiful house are a matter of public record.

Perhaps I could at last find the beach at the County Assessor’s Office, where these records are housed. If property lines are a matter of public record, surely I could find this useful information. Then I would know where I could stand. As I’m sure you can predict by now, nothing in this life is ever as simple as we hope.

According to records at the Ventura County Assessors Office, the Glass House sits on an 11,868 sq. ft. lot with 4701 sq. ft. of living space. There’s four bedrooms and 3.5 baths, if you’re counting. The lot measures 88 feet wide and 136 feet deep.

While I was in the records, I took a look at several other properties along the beach, including the one where the man told me to move along. Each lot had specific dimensions, similar to the Glass House. Each also has an assessed worth amounting to dizzying sums of money.

The County Assessor’s Office also helpfully provides surveyor’s maps of the county’s properties. After much searching and flailing, I located the parcel map for Rincon del Mar. Each property is neatly traced out and numbered. The map also includes the winding private roads within the gated community. The beach side property lines run roughly straight up the point with a few gentle bends along the way. Neatly printed coordinates run along each property line.

You will be getting excited now! You will be thinking that at last, we have found the answer.

Unfortunately, you will be wrong. When land surveyors draw their maps, they take a series of measurements from fixed known starting points using an instrument called a theodolite. These starting points can be manhole covers or other important landmarks. Then the surveyors do math stuff with triangles to arrive at their coordinates. This process creates more accurate measurements than using satellite-based GPS.

It also means that a dumb surfer like me can not use the coordinates from a land surveyor’s map to find the beach. I can not do the math stuff with triangles or see the world through the fancy surveyor’s machine. I’m sure it looks very nice in there.

To find the property lines drawn on the county’s parcel map would require a land surveyor to retrace the coordinates from the map’s starting point. So, now you know why I hate land surveyors. Sorry land surveyors, it’s not you. It’s me.

Find us where we are

Like a lot of things, property lines are a matter of trust. Sure, they are written down somewhere and ultimately, can be enforced much like speed limits or any other law. But on a daily basis, we are all stumbling through life, trying to avoid colliding with things or each other, and trusting that the other people we encounter will mostly follow the rules, too.

The property owner with his low wall next to the beach is trusting that a gross surfer won’t hop over the wall and shit on his patio. And in turn, surfers are trusting that we can access public beaches. It’s easy to see how this arrangement can begin to fray around the edges, depending as it does on community connections that are easily broken. Many of the houses at Rincon Point are now short-term rentals or have remote owners. They’ve lost their ties, if they ever had them to the people on the other side of their fences.

Now, I’m not saying that surfers should be shitting on anyone’s patio. We should, in fact, respect private property. Common sense suggests that the built environment of walls and patios and gates at Rincon Point follow the property lines, and I find it unlikely that there are super secret private areas that stretch beyond the fences. The trail seems likewise to have passed over public land, not private.

But despite a search of the publicly available information, I still don’t know for sure. So, if the man tells me to move along, I’ll smile and move along. I’m just here to surf.

One thing I do know for sure is that the ocean always gets the last laugh.

A week from now, a series of storms is set to arrive in California. It’s the first chapter of a winter that promises an exuberance of storms, thanks to the climate pattern known as el Niño. Legend has it that the pattern is named “the boy” for its tendency to show around the time of the Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus. December also brings some of the year’s highest tides.

So go ahead and build your castles in the sand I’ll just smile and take the long way around.

Soon enough, the tides will come to wash them all away.

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