Timmy Curran (insert) overlooking Oxnard and
pissed.
Silver Strand locals seethe with pure rage,
plot revenge as Oxnard named “least fun city in America”
By Chas Smith
"This ignominy cannot go unpunished."
Southern California, stretching from El Cajon
up to Santa Barbara, is a country in and of itself. With a
population greater than Australia and more economic might than the
United Kingdom, the bottom quarter of this Golden State is
certainly something. Now, I am not from here, originally, having
sprouted in Oregon but folk here, especially the ones who have not
blown in, take great pride in their various cities and towns even
though, to the untrained eye, Southern California is one contiguous
sprawl. Those who call Leucadia home, like Chris Cote for example,
where that “L” haughtily on their foreheads (in ball cap form).
Those who dwell in the aforementioned Santa Babs sneer at outsiders
while slurping fresh sea urchin, like our very own Jen See.
Oxnard, west of Thousand Oaks, south of Ventura, doesn’t get
much press though its locals are no less fiercely satisfied with
their stretch of coast, including Silver Strand, famous for its
wedges and menacing local reputation. Though, this morning, its
200,000 souls are waking up seething rage, plotting some form of
revenge as the town was named “least fun city in America” by
personal finance company WalletHub.
The list was compiled by ranking cities across this great nation
on their “entertainment and recreation, nightlife and parties, cost
of living” and sixty-five other metrics including “average business
hours of breweries.”
Las Vegas, as you might imagine, ranked number one.
Oxnard, without explanation, dead last.
Timmy Curran pissed.
But have you ever been to Oxnard, yourself? I have a handful of
times, none memorable except for the time that I visited Timmy
Curran, surfer famous for inventing the alley-oop. Seeing what I
saw in his eyes, I’d be terrified if I was a WalletHub exec.
Absolutely terrified.
More as the story develops.
While it is developing, though, enjoy early Curran
alley-ooping.
New Palm Springs Surf Club wavepool to
charge an astonishing $US200 per one-hour session!
By Derek Rielly
"Riding the wave starts at $100 for beginners
(group of 12), $150 for intermediates (group of 12), and $200 for
the advanced (group of 9)."
Three years ago, the world’s best surfers lined up to jiggle
their thumb tips against the Palm Springs Surf Club’s pygmy
dingus, a proto-wavepool built on the site of the old Wet N
Wild in that storied little desert
town.
“The surfing footage is fairly routine until the film’s climax,
a contest featuring some spectacular shots of surfers seen beneath
the overhang of breaking waves,” wrote the New York Times’
reviewer. “Otherwise, the surfing, writing, direction and
performances are of a caliber to interest only undiscriminating
adolescents.”
The surfing world quickly fell under the spell of the Hawaiian
surfer Cheyne Magnusson who had singlehandedly altered the course
of aerial surfing at BSR cable park in Waco.
“I come in and play the piano,” Cheyne told me of his role
complementing the wave tech. “Give me a bunch of knobs to move
water and I can make it sing.”
The pint-sized proto was built and surfers, including Mason Ho,
Jackson Dorian etc, came from all over the world, flared and made
clips. The pool was then demolished to make way for the full-sized
tank.
Now, the pool
has been revealed and…a couple of things.
Oowee, don’ look much diff to the proto. Waves look small,
Typhoon Lagoon-ish little, and it ain’t cheap.
Tiny burgers cost hundred
bucks an hour, one-fifty if you wanna approximate a turn, and two
hundred for the best it can pump out. If you’re an Australian
swinging into town, that makes it roughly 350 shekels.
Again, oowee.
Here’s the spiel from the PR gal.
Situated just a short drive from Los Angeles and minutes away
from downtown Palm Springs, PSSC spans 21 acres and combines the
finest features of resort and leisure attractions, creating a
vibrant community-based destination centered around surfing and the
beach lifestyle. While the motto emphasizes that surfing can be for
everyone, non-surfers are also catered to with a range of
additional attractions and offerings. Enhancing the visitor
experience, large LED displays are strategically placed throughout
the club, capturing and projecting the dynamic surf action,
allowing guests to immerse themselves in the excitement.
PSSC is redefining the surf pool landscape with its advanced
pneumatic wave technology, pioneered by industry veteran Tom
Lochtefeld, the founder of Surfloch Wave Systems. This innovative
technology offers on-demand, customizable waves designed by expert
surfers to cater to varying skill levels, ensuring a memorable
surfing experience for all. Accommodating up to 25 surfers
simultaneously, the park’s waves are not only pre-programmed for
individual preferences but are also a testament to sustainable
practices. PSSC stands out for using just 1% of the water volume
required by a typical golf course while generating over 70% of its
energy resources in-house.
Though crowds will come out to surf and watch the waves, guests
visiting the facility (ADA-accessible) will also have access to a
lazy river, waterslide attractions (opening later in 2024), cabana
rentals, and more. Amala restaurant will provide sustainable
eating options that will fuel a day of surfing and play. The open
indoor/outdoor design is the perfect place to relax and take in the
club’s desert surroundings. Three full bars with custom cocktails
and beers on draft will round out the beverage offerings on-site.
Guests are welcome to visit Amala for the restaurant experience and
forgo the park entrance fee. Those hitting the waves or lounging
poolside can also grab a quick bite at Drifter’s, the club’s second
restaurant on-site. The retail store will have a curated
selection of wetsuits, clothing, and accessories.
A wide selection of rental boards will be available for surf
session reservations with a variety of boards available for
purchase as well. Riding the wave starts at $100 for beginners
(group of 12), $150 for intermediates (group of 12), and $200 for
the advanced (group of 9). Winter club entry starts at just $20 and
reservations can be booked at https://palmspringssurfclub.com/ beginning
on 12/13/23.
All pricing is subject to change.
The Palm Springs Surf Club, 1500 S Gene Autry Trail, Palm
Springs, CA 92264
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Chas Smith and a comprehensive breakdown of
the best beach wagons of 2023.
Chas Smith and the best beach wagons of
2023
By Derek Rielly
“The rugged fun of a wagon”
Are you in the market for your first, or new, beach
wagon?
In his latest vlog, Chas Smith (who hates surfing) discusses the
essential beauty of the devices referencing an excellent review
piece by thinking surfer’s website The Inertia.
“When daytime hours get longer and the mercury level climbs,”
writes The Inertia’s beach wagon
reviewer Dylan Hayden, “it can only mean one thing: extended
beach days with toes in the sand and butt in a chair soaking up the
sun with friends and family. These are the days we live for, but
the major downside of these magical moments coming together is the
schlep. That is, getting everything you need (and want) for the day
into the car and down to the beach. This goes double when the cargo
includes small humans. For days like these, a functional beach
wagon is an essential piece of the puzzle.”
“For those looking for a capable classic fold-up wagon design
that could easily pull double duty with kids and gear but is light
on ancillary features like a shade or kid buckles, the Tupelo Goods
Load Up Wagon is the answer. In testing, we found the Load-Up
Wagon to be essentially an upgraded take on a classic with
extra wide wheels for sand and uneven terrain, a tough
powder-coated metal frame, quality tear-resistant fabric, and four
colors to choose from.
“We liked the adjustable handle and ease of folding of the
Load-Up. While the Load-Up’s design is very solidly in the
utilitarian wagon lane, in testing we found ourselves wishing for
some other handy features like an outer compartment for storage or
to hold drinks.”
Essential.
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Grant Coleman and Chris Davidson.
Chris Davidson’s killer admits to
“obsession” with surf star
By Derek Rielly
“(Davo’)s mother hates you for what you have done,
she says she wants to kill you with her own bare hands.”
On September 24 last year, the Narrabeen surf prodigy
Chris “Kingswood Black” Davidson died
after a one-punch attack outside a bar in rural east coast
Australia.
Paramedics treated Davo at the scene and he was taken to Kempsey
Hospital but pronounced dead a short time later.
Coleman pleaded guilty to charges of assault causing death, and
common assault.
At a service at North Narrabeen, the beach and its associated
culture that shaped Chris Davidson, hundreds of mourners celebrated
the sneering, Billy Idol-esque preternatural talent that
electrified surf fans.
In sentencing proceedings yesterday, Davo’s sister said their
77-year-old mother was drinking vodka to “try and stop the
pain”.
“We can never forgive and forget and this incident should just
never have happened,” she said. “My mother hates you for what you
have done, she says she wants to kill you with her own bare hands …
she is all of 35 kilos. She can’t understand why you are alive and
her son is dead. I have been numb, you took him away and I will
never forgive you.”
A lawyer for Coleman told the Newcastle District Court his
client had taken a blow to the head from playing rugby and had been
in multiple car accidents.
Coleman told the court he was “obsessed” with Chris Davidson
’cause of the surf star’s conviction of a child sex offence years
before.
“My obsession came because I wanted
to protect young girls,” Coleman said. “I’d heard rumours from his
history and I wanted to let him know it wasn’t acceptable in our
community.”
The sentencing process continues.
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Swellnet (pictured) looking.
Australian surf forecasting giant Swellnet
back in the news for lewd and rude “uninvited peeping”
By Chas Smith
Extremely obscene.
You’d think men would have learned their lesson by
now. Permission must, clearly and specifically, be granted
for any amorous activity to commence. But no. All sorts of cretins
continue uninvited ogling, pinching, cat calling. Chief amongst
them, and completely out of line, is Australian forecasting giant
Swellnet.
Two years ago, the surf conjuring website “decided to strong-arm the
public by erecting cameras pointing toward cherished
once-secret waves while also brutally censoring opposition on its
various pages.” The move was criticized, at the time, though
Swellnet’s C-Suite executives declared they would win over the
opposition.
Two years on, the campaign has appeared to have failed.
The furore over the camera — which is discreetly attached to
a private home overlooking the Winki Pop surf break at Bells Beach
on Victoria’s Surf Coast — centres on privacy fears and now
involves a petition of 2,500 signatures bolstered by a local surf
group and an academic report.
Those who oppose the camera say it breaches people’s right
to privacy and is in conflict with the rules and values surrounding
Bells Beach being a Surfing Recreation Reserve, which includes a
ban on commercial activity without a permit.
The Winki Pop camera can also only be accessed by those with
a subscription to online surf forecast company Swellnet for a price
of $10 a month, which has led to accusations from some locals of
“filming public activity for private gain”.
Like revenge porn.
A petition which began circulating three weeks ago, demanding
Swellnet take the naughty peeper away, already has, as stated, 2500
signatures and very much dividing the community.
Darren Noyes-Brown from the Surf Coast branch of the Surfrider
Foundation said the camera was a “violation of the core
values.”
Deakin University senior criminology lecturer Monique Mann said,
“There’s a clear need here for further research to guide regulatory
governance but ultimately, given that this camera has been
installed in the absence of any community consultation or social
license, there’s an argument for it to be removed.”
Sarah Reid works in a surf shop in Torquay and said, “A lot of
people want to surf Bells Beach because it’s iconic, but it’s not a
learner’s wave. If I can look at the camera at Winki Pop, I know I
can send them somewhere safer or know that if they are absolutely
set on Bells, I can check if it’s safe and let them know what to
expect.” And added, “If it’s a privacy issue or a surveillance
issue it’s absolute rubbish because they’re little black ants in
the distance at Winki Pop. It’s [the camera] doing a service to the
community. If someone wants to put a camera on their house that’s
their agenda, I have no dramas with it. Bring on the cameras. I
think it’s really funny that people signing the petition don’t
surf, can’t surf or can’t get waves.”
Swellnet’s Stu Nettle, meanwhile, is back at headquarters, face
pressed to computer screen beaming the illicit Winki images,
drooling.
Extremely obscene.
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
