When Parker Coffin goes to Palm Springs Surf
Club every door is a back door!
Tom Lochtefeld’s Palm Springs Surf Club
wavepool a miracle of genius and inspiration!
By Derek Rielly
At Palm Springs Surf Club, every door is a back
door!
Yesterday, after a cursory glance at a couple of YouTube
clips doin’ the rounds following the debut of the new Palm Springs
Surf Club’s full-sized tank, I mighta likened it to a
slightly slicker version of Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon.
Readers, very wrong, oh so wrong.
And, here, I want to bunch my fingers and twirled them
about old man Lochtefeld’s knob and correct the record.
First, about Tom Lochtefeld.
There’s no bigger name in the wavepool game than San Diego’s
Thomas J Lochtefeld, the former tax lawyer turned water park
proprietor turned creator of surf dreams.
Lochtefeld got his surf chops threading caves at Big Rock in La
Jolla, San Diego, and has spent the last forty years trying to
recreate similar thrills at the punch of a button.
In 1987, he sold his share in a bunch of theme parks for two
million dollars and used that cash, as well the sale of his
beachfront joint at La Jolla for 950k to create a standing wave,
called Flowrider, that ended up being installed in over 200 joints
in thirty-five countries.
In 1999, the Swiss watch company Swatch toured a souped up
version of the Flowrider called Bruticus Maximus and that caused
more permanent injuries in one year than Teahupoo in the last
thirty, around the world: from Florence to Munich, Vienna, Hanover,
Long Beach, San Diego, Manila and Sydney, with Tony Hawke, Kelly
Slater, Chris Miller and Terje Haakonsen wowing crowds with a surf,
snow, skate combo of airs and tubes.
Lochtefeld’s real goal, however, was a wave that didn’t involve
standing waves and finless mini-boards.
As computer tech got better, he deepened his research on the
different ways of making waves: hydraulics, ploughs, boats.
Four years ago he told me and Chas about the Palm Springs Surf Club pool.
“It’s going to be an A-frame so you can backdoor it.”
God, he was right.
This twenty-five minutes cut of the full-sized Palm Beach Surf
Club, below, starts slow.
But watch as Caity Simmers, Sierra Kerr, Jackie Doz, Blair
Conklin, the ugly Coffin brother and Italo backdoor the wildest,
bluest wedge you could ever imagine, and all amid the joyous roars
from a crowd intoxicated with a well-earned victory.
Essential.
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Kelly Slater, left, and sexy comment that set trolls
afire. | Photo: Slater Photoshop by
@sensitiveseashellcollector
Circumcision debate turns ugly after “cut”
Kelly Slater gets trolled over anti-vaccine stance
By Derek Rielly
“The three friends I had die right after taking the
COVID vaccine? Or the other ones that got Guillaume Barre, Bell’s
Palsy, ALS, Myocarditis etc…”
It’s been days, possibly weeks, since Kelly Slater
launched a major strike online, his time spent, perhaps,
ensuring a smooth launch of the Abu Dhabi tank in his
name.
Kelly Slater, who is fifty-one, ain’t one to back down from an
online skirmish, instances too numbers to list or link but his most
enduring when he hit back at an historically inaccurate troll.
After much back and forthing and righting of the troll’s
historical inaccuracies, Slater delivered his coup de grâce.
“Writing me out of the blue talking shit is such a crock of
shit. Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese.
You’re on glue. You’re a miserable coward. And now you’re
blocked.”
A few days back, a satirical account called The Betoota Advocate
ran the headline, “Circumcised mate presents completely unbacked
theory that chicks prefer his type of doodle.”
Yeah, it ain’t funny, but the champ liked it enough to give it
his imprimatur and the throwaway line,
“Unbacked theory? It’s field science,” said Kelly, whose bedroom
romps are legend.
Kelly Slater, proudly cut.
Do you remember the time an Australian woman revealed on a
podcast the disastrous text she accidentally sent Kelly Slater,
twice, following an intimate shower date?
A recap on that.
An Australian women of roughly middle age described meeting
Kelly Slater at a bar-restaurant in Jan Juc, near Bells, twenty
years ago. He memorised her telephone number after hearing her tell
it to someone else, leading to a long-term and, mostly platonic,
friendship.
“We’d become super super good friends. We were pen pals,
emailing daily. He was on and off with Pamela Anderson, I was
helping him through that. And a few of my closest friends, guys and
girls, said you gotta seal the deal… my best friend said
you’re going to become old and regret you didn’t do it… I
promised I’d text her as soon as it happened.”
Anyway, a little while later Slater was in Sydney, the mystery
gal in Melbourne.
She flies up.
“Middle of the day. Saturday. We obviously did the do. We were
both in the shower and all I could think of was, shit, I have to
call my best friend. I literally got out of the shower, wasn’t even
dressed, and messaged these exact words. ‘Did it. Had sex. Going to
leave now.’”
Despite disaster, she knew she had to inform pal of event.
The text went to Slater again.
“He was in the shower. I was sitting on the front of the bed. He
asked me what was wrong, I said, can you please give me your phone?
Give it to me!”
The friendship fizzled after the texts were revealed although,
“I think he felt he had to prove himself after that. All I can say
is he’s very competitive.”
“The question wasn’t whether you are ok with it or not,” wrote
Slater. “The question is which do chicks prefer. We can’t reverse
what’s already done but we can advocate for our kind.”
Lighthearted that is until one fan, @ibhumphries, wrote:
“I’m surprised no one has asked yet; can you please cite some of
the science you’re referring to here? Also, why do you trust that
science and not the same scientific process and risk/analyses to
form clinical recommendations around the safety and efficacy of
vaccines?
And, here, pushed too far, Kelly swipes the issue of mutilating
baby cocks aside and, oowee.
“Well which efficacy do you speak of, Humphries? The 3 friends I
had die right after taking the COVID vaccine? Or the other ones
that got Guillaume Barre, Bell’s Palsy, ALS, Myocarditis etc after
getting it? There are literally thousands and thousands of stories
like this you’re either in denial or wilfully ignorant to. And if
you took half a minute to see who was dying of COVID they weren’t
healthy people under 60. And if you’re vaccinated, I’ll say it
again, why are you worried about anyone else I trust personal
experience along with science, and science is constantly changing…I
think it’s pretty obvious at this point which side was right.”
The reply from @ibhumphries,
“I’m genuinely sorry to hear about your friends. The efficacy as
a % comparing the number of cases of disease in the vaccinated
group vs placebo group. Can you please cite some of the science
you’re referring to here? If the science is always changing, why
can’t you change your mind on the basis of scientific
evidence?”
Shortly after, he event corrected Slater’s spelling of Guillain
Barré.
“Still waiting on your to cite some scientific evidence.
Whenever you’re ready.”
“Still waiting on your to cite some scientific evidence.
Whenever you’re ready.”
Here, Slater wisely exited the melee.
Now, question: you think baby cocks should be cut?
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Timmy Curran (insert) overlooking Oxnard and
pissed.
Silver Strand locals seethe with pure rage,
plot revenge as Oxnard named “least fun city in America”
By Chas Smith
"This ignominy cannot go unpunished."
Southern California, stretching from El Cajon
up to Santa Barbara, is a country in and of itself. With a
population greater than Australia and more economic might than the
United Kingdom, the bottom quarter of this Golden State is
certainly something. Now, I am not from here, originally, having
sprouted in Oregon but folk here, especially the ones who have not
blown in, take great pride in their various cities and towns even
though, to the untrained eye, Southern California is one contiguous
sprawl. Those who call Leucadia home, like Chris Cote for example,
where that “L” haughtily on their foreheads (in ball cap form).
Those who dwell in the aforementioned Santa Babs sneer at outsiders
while slurping fresh sea urchin, like our very own Jen See.
Oxnard, west of Thousand Oaks, south of Ventura, doesn’t get
much press though its locals are no less fiercely satisfied with
their stretch of coast, including Silver Strand, famous for its
wedges and menacing local reputation. Though, this morning, its
200,000 souls are waking up seething rage, plotting some form of
revenge as the town was named “least fun city in America” by
personal finance company WalletHub.
The list was compiled by ranking cities across this great nation
on their “entertainment and recreation, nightlife and parties, cost
of living” and sixty-five other metrics including “average business
hours of breweries.”
Las Vegas, as you might imagine, ranked number one.
Oxnard, without explanation, dead last.
Timmy Curran pissed.
But have you ever been to Oxnard, yourself? I have a handful of
times, none memorable except for the time that I visited Timmy
Curran, surfer famous for inventing the alley-oop. Seeing what I
saw in his eyes, I’d be terrified if I was a WalletHub exec.
Absolutely terrified.
More as the story develops.
While it is developing, though, enjoy early Curran
alley-ooping.
New Palm Springs Surf Club wavepool to
charge an astonishing $US200 per one-hour session!
By Derek Rielly
"Riding the wave starts at $100 for beginners
(group of 12), $150 for intermediates (group of 12), and $200 for
the advanced (group of 9)."
Three years ago, the world’s best surfers lined up to jiggle
their thumb tips against the Palm Springs Surf Club’s pygmy
dingus, a proto-wavepool built on the site of the old Wet N
Wild in that storied little desert
town.
“The surfing footage is fairly routine until the film’s climax,
a contest featuring some spectacular shots of surfers seen beneath
the overhang of breaking waves,” wrote the New York Times’
reviewer. “Otherwise, the surfing, writing, direction and
performances are of a caliber to interest only undiscriminating
adolescents.”
The surfing world quickly fell under the spell of the Hawaiian
surfer Cheyne Magnusson who had singlehandedly altered the course
of aerial surfing at BSR cable park in Waco.
“I come in and play the piano,” Cheyne told me of his role
complementing the wave tech. “Give me a bunch of knobs to move
water and I can make it sing.”
The pint-sized proto was built and surfers, including Mason Ho,
Jackson Dorian etc, came from all over the world, flared and made
clips. The pool was then demolished to make way for the full-sized
tank.
Now, the pool
has been revealed and…a couple of things.
Oowee, don’ look much diff to the proto. Waves look small,
Typhoon Lagoon-ish little, and it ain’t cheap.
Tiny burgers cost hundred
bucks an hour, one-fifty if you wanna approximate a turn, and two
hundred for the best it can pump out. If you’re an Australian
swinging into town, that makes it roughly 350 shekels.
Again, oowee.
Here’s the spiel from the PR gal.
Situated just a short drive from Los Angeles and minutes away
from downtown Palm Springs, PSSC spans 21 acres and combines the
finest features of resort and leisure attractions, creating a
vibrant community-based destination centered around surfing and the
beach lifestyle. While the motto emphasizes that surfing can be for
everyone, non-surfers are also catered to with a range of
additional attractions and offerings. Enhancing the visitor
experience, large LED displays are strategically placed throughout
the club, capturing and projecting the dynamic surf action,
allowing guests to immerse themselves in the excitement.
PSSC is redefining the surf pool landscape with its advanced
pneumatic wave technology, pioneered by industry veteran Tom
Lochtefeld, the founder of Surfloch Wave Systems. This innovative
technology offers on-demand, customizable waves designed by expert
surfers to cater to varying skill levels, ensuring a memorable
surfing experience for all. Accommodating up to 25 surfers
simultaneously, the park’s waves are not only pre-programmed for
individual preferences but are also a testament to sustainable
practices. PSSC stands out for using just 1% of the water volume
required by a typical golf course while generating over 70% of its
energy resources in-house.
Though crowds will come out to surf and watch the waves, guests
visiting the facility (ADA-accessible) will also have access to a
lazy river, waterslide attractions (opening later in 2024), cabana
rentals, and more. Amala restaurant will provide sustainable
eating options that will fuel a day of surfing and play. The open
indoor/outdoor design is the perfect place to relax and take in the
club’s desert surroundings. Three full bars with custom cocktails
and beers on draft will round out the beverage offerings on-site.
Guests are welcome to visit Amala for the restaurant experience and
forgo the park entrance fee. Those hitting the waves or lounging
poolside can also grab a quick bite at Drifter’s, the club’s second
restaurant on-site. The retail store will have a curated
selection of wetsuits, clothing, and accessories.
A wide selection of rental boards will be available for surf
session reservations with a variety of boards available for
purchase as well. Riding the wave starts at $100 for beginners
(group of 12), $150 for intermediates (group of 12), and $200 for
the advanced (group of 9). Winter club entry starts at just $20 and
reservations can be booked at https://palmspringssurfclub.com/ beginning
on 12/13/23.
All pricing is subject to change.
The Palm Springs Surf Club, 1500 S Gene Autry Trail, Palm
Springs, CA 92264
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Chas Smith and a comprehensive breakdown of
the best beach wagons of 2023.
Chas Smith and the best beach wagons of
2023
By Derek Rielly
“The rugged fun of a wagon”
Are you in the market for your first, or new, beach
wagon?
In his latest vlog, Chas Smith (who hates surfing) discusses the
essential beauty of the devices referencing an excellent review
piece by thinking surfer’s website The Inertia.
“When daytime hours get longer and the mercury level climbs,”
writes The Inertia’s beach wagon
reviewer Dylan Hayden, “it can only mean one thing: extended
beach days with toes in the sand and butt in a chair soaking up the
sun with friends and family. These are the days we live for, but
the major downside of these magical moments coming together is the
schlep. That is, getting everything you need (and want) for the day
into the car and down to the beach. This goes double when the cargo
includes small humans. For days like these, a functional beach
wagon is an essential piece of the puzzle.”
“For those looking for a capable classic fold-up wagon design
that could easily pull double duty with kids and gear but is light
on ancillary features like a shade or kid buckles, the Tupelo Goods
Load Up Wagon is the answer. In testing, we found the Load-Up
Wagon to be essentially an upgraded take on a classic with
extra wide wheels for sand and uneven terrain, a tough
powder-coated metal frame, quality tear-resistant fabric, and four
colors to choose from.
“We liked the adjustable handle and ease of folding of the
Load-Up. While the Load-Up’s design is very solidly in the
utilitarian wagon lane, in testing we found ourselves wishing for
some other handy features like an outer compartment for storage or
to hold drinks.”
