The great surf master Sam George (pictured) at
work.
Guru Sam George savages “petty, whiny,
constantly complaining cry-baby” surf website commenters in full
frontal assault
By Chas Smith
"Let’s review what the Poster Posse is currently
bitching about."
When the great Sam George speaks, we listen.
When he types, we read and marvel. The former Surfer
Magazine senior editor and current The Inertia
contributor, has seen more, done more, learned and forgotten more
about this surf life than anyone and, thus, surf website commenters
woke up this morning feeling sad.
In a scorching
op-ed, Nia Peeples’ ex-husband absolutely savaged
“petty, whiny, constantly complaining cry-baby” observers,
declaring:
Take a quick scroll though the typical comment section on
popular surfing sites (with the exception of the one you’re
currently visiting, occasionally shamed for its generally positive
tone) and let’s review what the Poster Posse is currently bitching
about. Professional competitive surfing really takes a beating, the
WSL World Championship Tour, especially, held accountable for
crimes ranging from holding contests at shitty surf spots like
Pipeline, Sunset Beach, Supertubes, Bells Beach, Margaret River,
Teahupo’o, Punta Roca, Saquarema, Cloudbreak and Lower Trestles
(all premier breaks that the average poster would have no chance of
ever riding even a medium set wave), to blatant criteria
inconsistencies, Filipe Toledo’s distain for big, dangerous waves,
the patently unfair mid-season cut, Joe Turpel (on a purely
existential level) and calling off the Pipe Masters because the
waves were deemed too big and dangerous for Toledo’s fellow
competitors, most of whom indicated that given the choice they’d
rather not paddle out.
George includes two more long lists of surf website commenter
depravity including “the great wave pool whinge,” the attack on
adult learners and sponsors who drop surfers (“return on
investment, uncool man,” the silver haired guru mocks) before
defining the social sickness leading to such antagonisms before
pointing out that things, in this surf life, are really good and
generally above complaint before dropping the hammer:
A while back I wrote a feature strongly making the point
that virtually every middle-aged surfer without a sponsor’s sticker
on their board were riding their three-fin thrusters wrong. By the
third response, however, the conversation had already degenerated
beyond a discussion of surfboard design and took a sharp turn to
the personal, with the angry, anonymous poster declaring that I was
an eff-ing kook, pointing to my failed marriage to actress Nia
Peeples, who played “Keani” in the cult favorite North
Shore.
No comment.
Oh.
Ummmm, please disregard the Nia Peeples’ ex-husband line
above.
As you were.
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Johnny Cabianca makes landfall in Australia. | Photo:
@lucasbalbino_
Gabriel Medina’s lifelong surfboard
designer Johnny Cabianca arrives in Australia on shaping tour
By Derek Rielly
A real-life virtuoso artist. But blink and you’ll
miss!
If there’s one thing you’ll know about Gabriel Medina, it’s
his devotion to the shaper Johnny Cabianca, the virtuoso artist
who’s been building Medina’s boards since 2009.
Back then, it was Johnny Cabianca’s old pal Charlie Medina,
Gabriel Medina’s now estranged step-daddy, who asked Johnny to
shape his sixteen-year-old prodigy boards for the European leg of
the WQS.
Their relationship was cemented when Gabriel Medina ruled that
year’s King of the Grommets contest in Hossegor. Five tens in the
event, two in the final. Slater telling the world Medina was gonna
win ten world titles. At least.
Johnny had thrown three rockers at Medina. He chose the
flattest.
And for a dozen years, the boards only changed in foil and
outline as Medina grew, the essence of the board, the the full
concave, the rocker, stayed the same.
Always looking for hacks. Short-cuts. Hard-work, coaching,
YouTube tutorials and hours in the water ain’t my MO. A couple of
years back, I ordered two of Johnny Cabianca’s
creations straight from his factory in Zarautz. I knew the
freight was gonna exhaust my bank balance but believed Johnny
Cabianca was selling magic carpets.
The two boards, a 5’’10” Medina and a 5’11” DFK
were blindingly easy to ride. No special skills needed. Anyone who
could arrive at a standing position, and knew the nose from the
tail, could pilot
‘em.
“I never pretend to be anything more than high intermediate,
competent is the vain term. The DFK is a board that is reassuringly
easy to come to grips with,” wrote LT. “After riding various
high-performance shortboards I’ve come to believe that control is
the most important variable.
“Johnny Cabianca has put a high-performance sled square into the
Goldilocks zone for the average recreational surfer. I cannot
recommend highly enough.
“Gabe’s DFK is the easiest pro level board I’ve wrangled.”
Both my boards were eventually creased but never sent into the
trash wilderness, the magic pair occupying a purgatory in the
corner of a room, one day hoping to be reunited with Johnny
Cabianca so he could replicate.
The COVID thing made freight impossibly expensive and I’ve
waited out these subsequent years for Johnny Cabianca to make
landfall on Australian shores.
And Johnny, who’s sixty but presents as a strong man who could
do the laborious hewing and chinking on a log cabin, is hands
on.
“I have Friday, Saturday, Sunday Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
before I start to come back to Spain,” says Cabianca, adding he’ll
carve Medina’s Bells and Margaret River quivers while he’s in
town.
If you’re wondering, Medina’s Bells and Margaret’s boards differ
from the small-wavers he’ll ride in Portugal with half-a-litre, at
least, extra volume on a rack of boards between six-o and six two.
All of ’em are round-tails, all around thirty to thirty-two litres,
with only the rails differing markedly tween Margs and
Bells.
“The rail for Bells is more round, more soft, the rail should be
more free there, that’s what I feel,” says Cabianca. “When he moves
to Margarets it’s different. I do the rail a little more sharp,
same volume. Last year he won the contest with a six-one and the
waves were…wow…the waves were scary, that final was heavy!
And the board works really well, stability and how he was finishing
the last manoeuvre was everything. I’ll try and keep that sharp
rail, more drive in the rail, more penetration.”
For the mostly small waves of Portugal, Medina is all over
swallow tails.
“For good scores, the people, the judges, they want more open
curves with more velocity not the slow movements,” says Cabianca.
“With the swallow you can break the line faster, you can change the
nose direction faster.”
“Well, how can I say, it’s like this: everybody looking at
Gabriel’s surfing and a good surfer is always a mystery,” says
Cabianca. “When a good surfer tries to surf with my boards, they
feel something different, because they have something where they
can read well the wave. They know how to move the board. The DFK
has a lot of concave, more rocker… if it’s a good wave or there’s a
good pocket in the wave and the guy knows how to use the board in
those conditions, it’s easy to surf and comfortable. The good
surfer can use a lot of pressure on the board and it
works.
“When it’s not a beginner but not a really good surfer, the
first sensation is a stiff board. It’s what I hear, when the guy
arrives to me, ‘The board feels a little bit stiff, the board is
not working well, I need to pump a lot’ I like to see the guy
surfing. Sometimes it’s not a good surfer and we have different
models for this.”
“The Medina is the opposite,” says Cabianca. “It’s for these
kind of surfers, like me for example. I’m old but with a lot of
pain in the back and the arms are not so strong anymore. But never
stop to surf! And here, the Medina is more flat, more wide, the
rail is more full. I try to bring all the volume to the rail, more
stability, not a lot of concave.People can move better the rail to
rail when you don’t have a lot of concave in the front foot. It’s a
good board in really bad conditions.”
Cabianca says he gets told by his team riders that the Medina
isn’t high performance, that it’s a good board, sure, but not for
good waves or for wining heats.
One thing he hasn’t ever been super into, Cabianca or Medina, is
epoxies.
Medina used to hate ‘em, but now fools around with
vacuum-wrapped carbon shooters in the off-season or for fun at the
myriad wave pools in Brazil.
Judges, says Cabianca, aren’t fooled by their
liveliness.
“Man, I don’t see many guys using super-light epoxies. I don’t
know if epoxies can give you the same answers, the same ability to
connect manoeuvres as PU boards,” says Cabianca. “PU works well for
the connection.
Johnny Cabianca says Medina will burn through a hundred boards a
year, maybe a dozen more if he’s been doin’ a few side trips.
Do they come back or does Medina keep ’em?
Johnny hoots and says he was at Medina’s house last Christmas
and he was stunned by how many boards he had, some completely new,
unwaxed, others still inside their plastic bags. When he started to
examine the boards closely, Medina begged him not to touch.
The mark of the master sorcerer, Johnny Cabianca.
Photo: Lucas Balbino
“He likes to give to friends
when he receives friends at home, likes to give the boards to
people to use. He’s using the boards to make people happy,” says
Cabianca.
Medina’s generosity was felt as far afield as Abu Dhabi when
Medina joined Kelly Slater on the unveiling of Slater’s UAE
pool.
“I prepared five boards and I think, man, I’ll do something new.
New rockers. New foil. A board for doing more manoeuvres in the
short space of this wave. I close this box and I send to
Brazil.”
Medina, who flew to Abu Dhabi with Slater and pool wizard Filipe
Toledo via the Ments where they enjoyed a surprisingly waveless
seven days, ended up riding his old shooters and gifting the
painstakingly created new boards to “the princes and the rich
guys.”
Cabianca says Medina told him, “Every night, Johnny, every night was dinner,
these guys were receiving us. For sure I’m going to give something
to the guys!”
Caity Simmers (pictured) swinging a sledgehammer at the
Wall of Positive Noise.
As Pipe Pro champ Caity Simmers’ “Pipeline
for the f*cking girls” goes viral, World Surf League rethinks
toddler-friendly brand identity
By Chas Smith
A crack in the Wall of Positive Noise.
The most notable moment of this young 2024
World Surf League Championship Season, even more than Filipe
Toledo’s shock mental health break, is certainly Oceanside’s Caity
Simmers putting on a dominant Lexus Pipe Pro performance and
punctuating it with the now-iconic “Pipeline for the fucking
girls.”
As Jen See penned, “It was a quote for the ages on a day that
made legends. It was one of the best-ever days of women’s surfing,
pure and simple. The women set a new mark at Pipeline one of the
world’s most fearsome waves. We’ve never seen anything like it in
women’s surfing.”
Caity Simmers became a star overnight, shining so brightly that
even the authentic-adverse World Surf League is, currently,
re-thinking its ultra G-rated brand identity.
Chief of Sport Jessie Miley-Dyer took to instagram in order to
declare:
“Finals day at the Lexus Pipe Pro
felt like a dream, and I think because it was
actually, just that : a day where the dreams of past generations of
women in surfing were recognized while watching @caitysimmers
@picklummolly and @bettylou.sakura.johnson dueling in solid Pipe
and Backdoor … trading heats with our World Champions
@john_john_florence and local heroes like @barronmamiya , raising
the bar higher each time they paddled out. Watching our men and
women get spat out of 8ft barrels one after the other, with the
crowd going nuts for everyone, is for sure the privilege of a
lifetime for me and @travislogie. A day I will never forget 💙 And
with that, probably all that’s left to say is: Pipeline’s for the
f*cken girls forever more 🤣🤷🏼♀️”
Surf fans don’t have to dig far into the archives in order to
remember the many fines given to professional surfers for using
no-no words during, or near, World Surf League events. Will Leo
Fioravanti, Italo Ferreira et. al. feel discriminated against and
demand refunds, with interest?
Will another professional surfer, like Caity Simmers at Pipe,
dare utter swears at the upcoming Sunset Beach Pro?
Who and what will they say?
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Logan (center right) demonstrating how he can destroy
two things at once (professional surfing and the Los Angeles
Clippers).
Snakebit NBA franchise Los Angeles Clippers
partners with former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan in wildly
ill-advised move
By Chas Smith
Poo-poo touch.
As most know, the National Football League
wrapped its 2023/24 season over the weekend with the Kansas City
Chiefs defeating the San Francisco 49ers to win their third Super
Bowl in five years and, officially, becoming a dynasty. While
successful organizations are amazing to observe, what they do,
decisions made that separate the great from the good etc. those
snakebit franchises are equally fascinating.
How do some teams, for example, make such bad choices that even
statistical odds are denied?
In the NFL, say, the Cleveland Browns have never once been to
the Big Game even though being founded in 1944. Major League
Baseball has the Seattle Mariners, which have never been to the
World Series and the National Basketball Association delivers the
Los Angeles Clippers, a notoriously stained
franchise that has never tasted the Finals.
Long-suffering Clips fans have become very excited, this year,
with a chance to break the curse. James Harden was brought over in
the offseason to compliment Russell Westbrook, Kawhi Leonard and
Paul George. After early bumps and bruises, the Clippers have
gelled and now sport a 35 – 17 record, third best in the Western
Conference, and a real chance at the title.
But not anymore.
Over the weekend former, and ruthlessly fired, World Surf League
CEO Erik Logan announced that he was producing at least one episode
of “Ballervision” for the Los Angeles Clippers.
Per Instagram:
Thank you LA Clippers! Had a great time producing the
Ballervision Broadcast with these legends! First one of the year!
This is a great new project taking some of the best in their fields
and creating an all new broadcast for basketball fans.
By using some of the best play by play hosts, Clippers
Legend’s and celebrity guests, these broadcasts are not only
informative, but fun to be a part of! I have loved my long
association with the Clippers and this is just another fantastic
way to contribute. Details forth coming on the next one! Go
Clips!
As surf fans know, Logan poses the rare “poo-poo
touch.” Everything the Oklahoman with a magical
wetsuit of armor comes in contact with immediately turns to… the
opposite of gold. Logan was brought into surfing to run the WSL
Studios, which shuttered with only one lightly regarded film within
the year. He failed upward to CEO where he produced the worst reality program in
history, introduced “final’s day,” which may well undo
the WSL and destroyed Filipe
Toledo on his way out the door.
It is “just so Clippers” for them to, essentially, shoot their
own foot right when things were looking up.
Or… might these two negatives equal a positive?
More as the story develops.
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Either Nathan Florence or his elder brother
John John, meat in a folding Solomon Islands sandwich.
Surf fans beg Nathan Florence to keep
miraculous South Pacific discovery secret
By Derek Rielly
“Future heartbreak to see 100 surfers, jet skis,
the island filled with sleeping huts and dug-out human waste
pits…”
Three months back, Nathan Florence, brother of
US Olympian John John, officially spiked the Jan Brady curse
and become the alpha male of the Florence squad, which
also includes the sexiest brother of them all Ivan, when he was voted surfer of the year.
Through the course of 2023 Nathan Florence, who turns thirty in
June, rarely missed a slab or ledge session whether it was in
Hawaii, Australia, Scotland or Ireland.
His diligence was rewarded when he was awarded Ride of the Year
and Surfer of the Year at the Big Wave Challenge awards in Nazaré,
Portugal.
One month ago, and on day one of the Lexus Pipe Pro waiting
period, Nathan Florence released footage of a “mutated, backless
right reef slab somewhere in the Solomon Islands.”
No waves were ridden by Nathan Florence and John John wouldn’t
even paddle out, too dangerous, too far from a hozzy, he
said.
Part two was subsequently promised and, earlier today, Nathan
Florence released the fruits of their travels in the South Pacific,
the crowning glory a righthander in water so clear its seems to
speak of some hidden soul beneath.
One surf fan was quick to beg Nathan Florence not to reveal the
location of their bejewelled find, however, posting:
The most beautiful footage!!! Thank you. BOYS PLEASE DONT
DISCLOSE THE LOCATION – future heartbreak to see 100 surfers, jet
skis, the island filled with sleeping huts and dug-out human waste
pits, diesel gasoline shimmering on the water, no more crabs and
wildlife running around, and 20 vessels tied up offshore. THIS IS A
MOMENT TIME when you, (Florence LLC), have control over the health
of our ocean and environment over our own human pleasure of wanting
to simply surf.
A fine sentiment, although many other viewers were of the
opinion that it wasn’t so secret and therefore who cares.
haha, true. but if you look at the Charter there’s a very
similar expert level wave…that expensive catamaran just didn’t
appear adrift to the people there…but whatever…&00& earf isn’t
super new… i’m not here to argue
pretty sure everyone knows where the right barreling point
break is in the solomon islands…
lol yeah the Solomons. That’s where this is.
I can see on Google Earth where it is, but the 7 day boat
ride in Pt 1 probably will keep the 100 surfers and jet skis from
this spot.
I used to be in the latter camp but am now firmly in the
first.