"There'll be no more heat wins for Kelly Slater, no more smashing a man half his age into the water. He doesn't got it anymore, it's over."
In a day and a half, the waiting period swings open for the Rip Curl Bells Beach Pro with tour truant Kelly Slater slated to surf against John John Florence and Seth Moniz in heat three.
Kelly Slater, who is fifty-two and about to become a daddy for the second time, withdrew from the bedevilled event in Portugal citing lingering hip issues from experimental surgery to repair his damaged labrum with pieces from a cadaver but was subsequently filmed surfing perfect Snapper Rocks, his famous pelvis swinging wildly in turns.
Portugal’s Supertubos and its tricky tide-affected waves has long been the graveyard of Kelly Slater’s dreams, a loss to wildcard Fred Morais in 2013 scuttled that year’s title run; same thing the following year when Slater destroyed a board after losing to Aritz Aranburu.
Now, surf fans are openly wondering if the eleven-time world champ and four-time Bells Beach winner will ever win another heat.
After going winless at Pipe and Sunset where he was beaten by Ethan Ewing, an Australian with the “plumpest and most spankable bottom in surfing”, Kelly Slater even threatened to call it quits citing lack of motivation, sore hip etc.
It would take a brave gambler, a JP Currie perhaps, to throw his chips on the Greatest Ever winning a heat at Bells, such is the widening fissure between the timeless lines of Kelly Slater and the jagged trajectories needed to score above five points.
A few weeks back, Chas Smith even predicted what would’ve been unthinkable even one year ago, “There’ll be no more heat wins, no more bolts of nearly smashing a man half his age into the water. He doesn’t got it anymore, it’s over.”
Margaret River, Tahiti, El Salvador, Rio and Cloudbreak follow before the small-wave world title showdown in grey-water three footers at Lower Trestles in September.
I can see wins in Tahiti and Cloudbreak, unless weird conditions, which can happen.
From your window, what do you see?
A man with more to give or a ship slowly listing before its inevitable disappearance?