"There'll be no more heat wins for Kelly Slater, no more smashing a man half his age into the water. He doesn't got it anymore, it's over."
In a day and a half, the waiting period swings open for the Rip Curl Bells Beach Pro with tour truant Kelly Slater slated to surf against John John Florence and Seth Moniz in heat three.
Kelly Slater, who is fifty-two and about to become a daddy for the second time, withdrew from the bedevilled event in Portugal citing lingering hip issues from experimental surgery to repair his damaged labrum with pieces from a cadaver but was subsequently filmed surfing perfect Snapper Rocks, his famous pelvis swinging wildly in turns.
Portugal’s Supertubos and its tricky tide-affected waves has long been the graveyard of Kelly Slater’s dreams, a loss to wildcard Fred Morais in 2013 scuttled that year’s title run; same thing the following year when Slater destroyed a board after losing to Aritz Aranburu.
Now, surf fans are openly wondering if the eleven-time world champ and four-time Bells Beach winner will ever win another heat.
After going winless at Pipe and Sunset where he was beaten by Ethan Ewing, an Australian with the “plumpest and most spankable bottom in surfing”, Kelly Slater even threatened to call it quits citing lack of motivation, sore hip etc.
It would take a brave gambler, a JP Currie perhaps, to throw his chips on the Greatest Ever winning a heat at Bells, such is the widening fissure between the timeless lines of Kelly Slater and the jagged trajectories needed to score above five points.
A few weeks back, Chas Smith even predicted what would’ve been unthinkable even one year ago, “There’ll be no more heat wins, no more bolts of nearly smashing a man half his age into the water. He doesn’t got it anymore, it’s over.”
Margaret River, Tahiti, El Salvador, Rio and Cloudbreak follow before the small-wave world title showdown in grey-water three footers at Lower Trestles in September.
I can see wins in Tahiti and Cloudbreak, unless weird conditions, which can happen.
From your window, what do you see?
A man with more to give or a ship slowly listing before its inevitable disappearance?
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Another “article” that aged like milk!
Bugger eh , killed it even on a tweaked board.
Kelly is trying to cash in cheques that his body can not afford.
Kelly’s cameo in Surf’s Up is still his highwater mark.
I’m just stoked Robert doesn’t need to ever win another heat to continue to be gifted his spot as the wildcard that he is from now to eternity. See you at pipe next year Papa Slater.
Certainly a lot of negative comments about the GOAT. The guy won pipe so obviouslyhe can still win heats. On any given day he can still beat anyone. The WSL doesn’t want guys like him to win because they want to market to groms that buy merchandise by surfers that do airs on wimpy waves.
Ok, Jeff. You can go back to sleep for another 15 years now.
World Sunkionship Tour
This should get him Rielly’d up.
“In a historic heat, CT sophomore Liam O’Brien (AUS) eliminated the GOAT Kelly Slater (USA), ending his shot at making the Mid-season Cut. Both scored a near-excellent 7.83 (out of a possible 10), but O’Brien found a solid backup of 7.70.22 Apr 2023
Umm, one thing that the ocean teaches us, is that life and waves are unpredictable.
You just never know, in the right spot at the right time, with the set wave of the day coming straight at you, boom, a 8, or 9.5 ride, (with another lucky back up wave or 2), just cause you were dumb (lucky), enough to be in the right spot at the right time.
The Ocean is a un-even playing field.
Which is one reason why pro surfing may never be legit.
Tyson vs. Jake Paul?…
Funny his criticism regards his progression which he is solely responsible for.
He would be the GOAT except for social media.
Now he’s insufferable.
Talent is still there in good waves, which the WSL doesn’t schedule.
So if ur not on social hes stil goat.
True!
Yesssss. A real voice among the garbage of comments.
Kelly will retire at Bell’s. He started his pro surfing career there and it would be a tidy bookend. More importantly it would be on his own terms. “I’ve done everything, at every level on this tour” “time to put my energy into my new family” “My body just isn’t recovering like it used to”
If he stays on till Marg’s, he with be cut. That’s a forced career ender for him as on paper he’s just not good enough anymore to be on tour. That will sting harder.
He’s blown through many perfect opportunities to retire gracefully though. not sure this will be any different. unless he wins of course.
Reckon he’ll do Bells and announce Cloudbreak and Tahiti will be his final events. In true Kelly style, he’ll do this without any acknowledgment of the looming cut, or his place on the rankings. WSL will nod and agree
Pacific leg is after the cut. But they’d deservedly give him wildcards.
He has all ready been cut !
He was cut at margs last year.
His been given a lifetime wildcard. That’s the only reason he on the tour atm!
Ffs, I can see what your saying happening but only because he and the surf media want rewrite history and pretend he leaves on his own terms.
His been cut, he just gets wildcard since BEING CUT
I thought it was a wildcard into the 2024 season, not every event in it?!?
“In a historic heat, CT sophomore Liam O’Brien (AUS) eliminated the GOAT Kelly Slater (USA), ending his shot at making the Mid-season Cut. Both scored a near-excellent 7.83 (out of a possible 10), but O’Brien found a solid backup of 7.70.22 Apr 2023
I think it was wildcard thru to mid year.
He hates Margaret river, no way will he let that be his swan song.
His first ever comp at bells he finished like 29th place (back then eveyone got individual placings, no equal 33rds). He’ll be lucky to place higher than that this year.
I kind of feel sorry for him but fuck, hes 52.
unless perhaps no he doesn’t and just go’s to events sporadically via one off wildcards like tahiti and cloudbreak, like this year, of which you didn’t hear here and which might be procrastination, or maybe just rumours,
John John: So, you get a car seat yet?
Kelly: I have friends who have literally been killed by car seats. I know more about parenting than 99% of parents.
consumed by hubris
😂
let me guess, you are Australian, the country that during covid, revealed itself to be the most pathetic bunch of bootlickers the world has ever seen
According to your criteria, I am something far worse—a Californian.
Ah Ok nah Australians are way worse. Cali still has some OG hippies that know whats up and don’t worship at the church of Blackrock. Most are sheep though
No, no, he’s right. California is worse. There are exceptions of course, but not enough.
Keen student of history, aye? The world has sure seen some bootlickers in its time. Remember that one time the US voted in some orange-coated nutbar who’s about as credible as a vegetarian shark to run the place? Same guy who’s probably going to get in again in 2024…
I’m not sure you understand the meaning of bootlicker
If it is 8 to 10 foot Bells, Ke11y can be competitive – anything small and gutless and he is going to lose and lose badly.
Ke11y should have retired, years ago and moved into administration and ambassador roles.
He should have been booted off when he hurt his foot at jbay but that wasnt the glorious send off he wanted. Wasnt the one he deserved either, but not everyone can be Rocky Marciano.
Ever since jbay hes been taking the piss.
He should have retired after the pipe win and we’d still be talking about it.
Problem was he still belived he could finish high enough for the olympics and gold at teahupoo. Thats on him.
Bells is generally fat and often onshore. Not a good wave for kel at 52. He’ll probably be good enough to beat the vic qualifier in rd 2 but no guarantees he’ll even be in the right heat.
It will be the greatest surfing victory ever if he wins bells. But im afraid it might be a sad trudge up the steps at onshore 3ft winki.
He’s lurking cos that DV wasn’t me
It’s his number one fan “Barnycle” who keeps a sharp eye on anything anti kellster and issues a withering downvote. I kinda hope Barny and Kel are the same person, that would be hilarious, though even sadder than if he’s just some ass kisser.
Or spiritual advisor to dali lama…
Or a doctor. Re com t’s comment