New Yorker writer snakes great Bill Finnegan, writes best highfalutin surf piece yet!

Kooks gone wild.

When thinking of high society writing and surf, only one name comes to mind. William Finnegan. The New Yorker staple, and author of Pulitzer Prize winning Barbarian Days, took our generally illiterate pastime and turned it into fodder worthy of salon discussions in well-lit pied-à-terres, tea being served with heady discussion and insight on wave sliding.

You can imagine my shock, then, when clicking on to high-society’s favorite magazine this morning and reading a surf piece so poignant, so thoughtful, that my grumpy heart felt seen and not by William Fenster Finnegan but rather a San Franciscite Jay Caspian Kang.

Arguing Ourselves to Death began thusly:

About ten miles south of San Francisco, there’s a public beach called Linda Mar. As far as Northern California beaches go, Lindy isn’t particularly pleasant or pretty; the sand is gross, the water’s cold and slate gray on account of the persistent fog that hangs around the area. The spot is best known for an oceanfront Taco Bell, which is great in theory, but in practice is plagued by a perpetual sogginess and the hundreds of surfers who clog its parking lot every weekend.

I’ve been surfing at Linda Mar on and off for about fifteen years now. At first, it was because I was a beginner, and Lindy is one of the few places you can surf within a short drive of San Francisco without being sucked out to sea. Now I go because I am older and the waves at the better beaches are sometimes too big and scary. (I won’t name the other spots here; perhaps the most illuminating thing I can say about Lindy is that I can break surfer taboo and publish its name because it’s already the most packed spot in the area.)

Linda Mar was always crowded, but it’s become much worse recently, thanks to three separate innovations. The first is the wide-scale production of cheap soft-top surfboards, which are floaty enough to catch pretty much every mushy wave that rolls through. The second is the ubiquity of surf-camera Web sites that live-stream the waves and provide constantly updating, color-coded reports on the conditions. The third is the popularity of short-form surf content on social media, which, like so much of what you find on the Internet, highlights little fights or asks stupid rhetorical questions aimed at inciting as much conflict as possible.

All this has undeniably changed Linda Mar. Some shifts are obvious. When the color-coded report is green, for example, the crowds arrive. When it’s yellow, you might find fewer than twenty people in the water, even if the actual waves are no different from supposedly green conditions. Other changes are more subjective and harder to parse. Since the widespread distribution of WorldStarHipHop-style surf videos—which show surfers screaming at one another over snaked rides and tussling on the beach—I have noticed a discomforting edge in the water. Before, a typical kook at Linda Mar would cut you off, fall, and apologize while laughing at himself. Most of the time, he wouldn’t even know the surf etiquette he had violated, and, if you explained it to him, he’d listen.

Today, it’s as though the kooks are replaying, in their heads, the hundreds of social-media videos they’ve watched. They have a vague but often errant understanding of surf ethics, and it rarely translates into politeness. If they feel like you cut them off or snaked their wave, they will transform, however fleetingly and unconvincingly, into the saltiest local they’ve seen on Instagram.

And that’s as far as I read but good, no? Kooks transforming fleetingly and unconvincingly into the saltiest local they’ve seen on Instagram? Kang’s own proper placing of self into the hierarchy as adult learner who learned on mush that he continues to frequent because Ocean Beach is unchill? Hating both Wavestorm and Surfline?

Hammer time.

I image the rest of the piece went on to tie the culture wars into the same phenomena plaguing surfing. Namely, intellectual soft tops and color coding but I didn’t read it cuz duh. Plus I have to hop on a podcast with David Lee Scales unpacking whether men should shave before or after a shower etc and other important adjacency.

Finnegan, anyhow, served. Will be respond with a backside hack to Kang’s face?

More as the story develops.

Mick Fanning splits from Red Bull
Mick Fanning and Red Bull pals.

Mick Fanning in shock split from Red Bull after twenty-three years

Goodnight and thanks for the laughs!

The Tugun-based surfer Mick Fanning, a three-time world champion, has announced his shock split from the multi-billion dollar sugar-and-caffeine merchant Red Bull after twenty three years.

Mick Fanning, who is forty-three or thereabouts, broke the news to his over million followers earlier today.

“Cheers Red Bull! After 23 amazing years packed with fun projects, unique experiences and wild adventures I’m moving on. Red Bull has always provided next level support to me, my family and my team in my professional and personal life. In recent years I’ve loved having opportunities to connect with other Red Bull athletes and aspiring young surfers to impart some of the knowledge I’ve collected along the way. Over the years we achieved great things but when I reflect on my time with Red Bull it’s the life long friendships with the staff and athletes that I’m most grateful for.”


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A post shared by Mick Fanning (@mfanno)

It’s been a remarkable career for a man born into hard-scrabble circumstances in Sydney’s outer west, an hour from the beach.

Three months ago, the immensity of his worth, thirteen million dollars, was revealed as well as the revelation Mick Fanning was so depressed he struggled to get out of bed following his premature retirement at the end of 2015, his Great White encounter, a world title loss to Adriano de Souza, the death of his brother Peter and divorce from wife Karissa.

Mick Fanning accrued his riches via his sponsorship with Red Bull, various property plays as well as co-founding the craft brewery Balter with a few pals and selling it for $128 mill.


Mick Fanning has parlayed his cash into a wildly diverse series of businesses, including “ethical” dog food brand Scratch, biotech company Sea Forest, a burger chain Fritzenberger and a Byron Bay yoga studio.

Billy Kemper Fiji wipeout of the century
The vision is compelling, the wildly virile tattooed daddy-of-four Billy Kemper getting airborne on a takeoff that by any stretch might be regarded even by surfers of this level as impossible.

Watch Billy Kemper’s wipeout of the century as Jackass Johnny Knoxville exclaims, “That’s some warmup!”

"Cloudbreak turned it on today! She’s a beautiful thing. Glad you're ok Billy Kemper."

The Big Wave World Tour champion and four-time Jaws winner Billy Kemper has thrilled masochists worldwide with a wipeout at fifteen-foot Cloudbreak.

The vision is compelling, the wildly virile tattooed daddy-of-four Billy Kemper getting airborne on a takeoff that by any stretch might be regarded even by surfers of this level as impossible.

Even a brief viewing has the viewer crouching in his armchair like an animal that is cold, the pit of his stomach churning as Billy Kemper goes helter-skelter into the void.

As you might imagine, the world’s best surfers, as well as silver-haired stuntman Phil Clapp aka Johnny Knoxville, dived into his commentary pane to dress him with compliments and back pats.
Nathan Florence:  That was next level flight time😂, injuries are a mindset, mayonnaise is a superfood

Tom Carroll: l: Yeeeeeew💯🌊🎉 Cloudbreak turned it on today!!! She’s a beautiful thing❤️glad your ok @billykemper

“That’s some warmup,” said Johnny Knoxville.


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A post shared by Billy Kemper (@billykemper)

The last time we spent any time in the strong-ish arms of Billy Kemper was three years ago when WSL visionary Erik Logan produced the six-part series ‘Billy‘, which followed his trip to Morocco, his terrible injury there, a long rehabilitation and his triumphant return to contests.

Episode four was a particular thrill.

It followed his triumphant return to America (thanks to executive producer and WSL CEO Erik Logan who, in episode three, tearfully whispered to his wounded comrade, “Gonna bring you home, Billy”), a visit from Laird Hamilton who offered Billy his home, with its gymnasium and pool and ice baths, to rebuilt his busted body and the revelation that the death of shredder older bro, Eric Diaz, of a drug overdose has driven everything.


Michael Hoskinson (pictured) not paying rent in JohnsKnees personal space.
Michael Hoskinson (pictured) not paying rent in JohnsKnees personal space.

Lighting rod former Huntington Beach planning commissioner in ultra hot water after admitting to stiffing surfer on rent!

Big trouble in Surf City.

Political watchers were shocked and dismayed, earlier today, after former Huntington Beach planning commissioner publicly admitted to stiffing surfers on rent. Michael Hoskinson, who works as a real estate broker after becoming inspired by his mother when she purchased him a house, took to BeachGrit’s libertarian message board in order to declare, “HAHA what’s the next lie you’ll tell about HB??? we love our town and are thrilled to stop politicians from being able to pander to identity politics. If you don’t like HB then stay the fuck away.”

The “lie” so happened to be a truth about Surf City, USA banning breast cancer survivor banners from civic property.

The statement, in any case, was met with a volley of live free or die responses including, from JohnsKnees, “Aren’t you the guy that resigned or got fired from the planning commission for your anti-semitic and anti-islamic comments?”

Hoskinson’s clearly aggrieved, shot back, “No, I’m the guy that is living rent free in your head.”

Free market capitalists and John Birch Societeers were stunned that the real estate broker would confess to leftist chicanery and openly wondered if he might, in fact, be a squatter or worse still.

A communist.

The record, while fuzzy on rents etc., does show that one Michael Hoskinson did, in fact, resign from Huntington Beach’s proud city council in 2016 after postulating, “I think Islam is definitely a threat. I don’t call it a religion at all.”

Theologians and historians wondered what he did call Islam though were left wanting as he did not explain after leaving office with tail tucked.

“Tail tucking,” as it so happens, likely to be banned in Huntington Beach soon.

BeachGrit’s religion desk has reached out to Hoskinson’s professional hotmail account and is hoping to hear back.

More as the story develops.

Huntington Beach sez "Kick rocks!"
Huntington Beach sez "Kick rocks!"

“Surf City, USA” voters enshrine ban on breast cancer survivor flags in Huntington Beach charter!

LGBTQ+ and World Surf League flags verboten too.

Huntington Beach voters turned out in droves, on Super Tuesday, to make certain Surf City, USA stays free from in-your-face breast cancer survivors, University of Southern California graduates, Grateful Dead heads and World Surf League aficionados. Those proud about their lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, Q Anon roots too.

The City Council, you most certainly recall, banned the flying of non-state, non-government, non-military flags on municipal property last year in a tight 4 – 3 tally. Days ago, voters lent their gravitas by enshrining the rule into the city charter by a slim 58% majority.

Mayor Gracey Van Der Mark boldly declared, “A lot of this is taking Huntington Beach back to how it was. A lot of cities are afraid to push back because they don’t want to be the target of Sacramento. We’re not afraid.”

“The way it was” clearly a shot over breast cancer survivors’ bows who, in truth, should now be afraid.

Peg Coley, the executive director of the LGBTQ Center Orange County, making it all about her community, was not so kind, countering with, “The Huntington Beach City Council is run by a hateful majority whose only interest is advancing an agenda of intolerance for minority communities, including LGBTQ+ individuals. The Huntington Beach City Council is run by a hateful majority whose only interest is advancing an agenda of intolerance for minority communities, including LGBTQ+ individuals.”

Surfer Magazine, taking its first political stance since endorsing Joe Biden in Biden v Trump First Blood, described the town as a “hotbed of Orange County conservatism” and warned readers that they will not be entirely welcome during this summer’s U.S. Open of Surfing.

Surfer, man. Always on brand.