Is surfing a Democrat or a Republican?

Now, I don’t have to tell you that we live in hyper polarized times. Those on the left, haughty and cocksure, growling at those on the right, angry and befuddled. Folk generally sticking with people who share the same bent, fraternizing in similar spaces where challenges to an overarching worldview are non-existent. Echoes bouncing off digital walls.

Except, that is, for BeachGrit where people from all walks come together and share in the simple joys of Kelly Slater.

Well, it appears those days are over. In an overnight call to action, feminist hero Lucy Small has declared this, and other, surf communities must once and for all sign surfing up for a political party. “Surfing is political whether we like it or not,” she plainly stated. “So it’s up to us to choose what those politics are.”

Further explaining, she wrote, “I’m working on this theory that basically everything we do is political (I did not make that up) but the access we have to the beach, to surfboards, to travel, to hotels, to surf media, to social media, to surf films, the health of the ocean we surf in etc is all political and our surfer dollars and surfer voices are always contributing to something.”

And continued, “I have been doing some deep deep thinking about all these things lately, reading some books and watching lots of films, trying to understand where surfing is situated in this political universe. Its role in history has mattered a lot and it continues to matter now. So yes, I do understand surfing as a political thing and us surfers are little political beings riding our little political wet energy mounds. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments and welcome the opportunity to learn more :).”

I honestly have zero idea how “everything we do is political” or what utterly myopic thinker came up with that as the governing principle for life but here we are, I guess. The moment of truth. Is surfing a Democrat? A Republican? Labour? Comités Jeanne? Khmer Rouge? Shining Path?

Other?

Please be a good sport, once we decide, and accept the group decision. Surfing certainly doesn’t need any more splinter factions.

Essential viewing.

An important part of surfing is, of course, getting undressed. Whether in warm climates where toplessness is required or cold where toplessness is a step from clothing to wetsuit, male surfers are forced to take off their shirts. Now, as happens, and especially with surfers, judgements of small details are both important and encouraged. Did the fellow standing nearby shave his chest, for example, and was it a good idea? Did the other fellow, showering off, drink too many beer? As the male surfer ages, these critical perceptions become even more nuanced and valuable.

Enter Tom Cruise.

The 61-year-old movie star is currently filming Mission Impossible 8 in Spain and went to the beach for a swim break thereby jettisoning his blouse.

Fox News described his “toned abs.”

Page Six opted for “chiseled physique.”

New York Post went with “ripped abs and strong muscles.”

While Daily Mail went hard rude, commenting on his “sagging” skin and openly posited that the Top Gun hero had undergone some sort of cosmetic surgery.

And, thus, your expertise is required. If you saw a topless Tom Cruise next to you in the car park, what would you immediately think?

Peek here.

Essential.

"The ultimate ‘F You’ to mainstream Australia."

If there is one thing surfers like most, when surfing, it is not many/any other surfers. Lineups around the world are incredibly crowded in these the post-Covid days of our lives. Stressed to the breaking point with all manner of new comer, old head, spicy grommet, perpetually immature Gen Zers and worse.

It is with much chagrin in Australia, then, that iconic surf magazine Tracks has partnered with Wanderlust in order to send two 18 – 25 year-olds off on a converted bus in order to promote the country as a “tourist surfing Mecca” for a new reality show.

They will be paid $50,000 Australian dollars each for selling their friends and neighbors out.

“We’ll foot the bill for pretty much everything as you travel up and down the coast attending major surfing events and music festivals, eat and drink at the best pubs and great local restaurants and capture everything in between,” Tracks editor-in-chief Luke Kennedy told the legendary onetime surf journalist Fred Pawle.

“Questioning societal norms is as relevant today for Gen Z youth as it was for surfers living on the fringes of society back in October 1970 when Tracks first appeared in newsagents,” the magazine’s publisher Peter Strain declared, adding, “That’s our magazine’s DNA. The Vietnam War polarised society and dropping out of society and surfing was seen as the ultimate ‘F You’ to mainstream Australia.”

Waving a middle finger in the air, forming mouth into snarl, Bondi surfer/musician Ethan Eshuys has already tossed his wide-brimmed hat into the ring, sharing, “Surfing by day and playing gigs at local pubs by night is a killer combo. This job would let me connect with fellow surfers, enjoy the best waves, and further my music career by hitting up new venues. Plus, promoting Australia as a top surfing destination on a reality TV show is an awesome bonus!”

Rock and roll will never die.

Oh wait…

Apply here.