US Olympian pays homage to game-changing biologist at birth of son!
A few days before Christmas in 2022, John John Florence, the little canary-haired boy raised on peanut butter and Wonder bread, who enchanted the world as the first tweenie to ride Pipeline and who was later credited with saving the surf industry, married his long-time girlfriend, the Australian Lauryn Cribb.
John John Florence proposed to his long-time girlfriend, a model turned horticulture student, in 2019 using a diamond ring his mama Alex had found on the beach and right before a one-month yacht voyage.
The pair were married in the nearby Waimea Valley despite torrential rains, the same storms that created an epic river wave that nearly slaughtered sad-eyed degenerate Jamie O’Brien.
When Lauren announced she was pregnant in December 2023, pregnancy of course being a natural consequence of a CIS marriage, she wrote: “Swallowed a watermelon seed and now it’s growing. We’re excited for our little baby boy to join us in May…”
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At the time, we wondered if, like his mama Alex, John John would gift his boy a similarly unique handle.
Well, yeah.
Even better than John John is…Darwin Florence, named, you’d suppose, after the towering British biologist who gave the world the theory of evolution via his knockout bestseller Origin of the Species.
In a nutshell, Darwin theorised, and with plenty of evidence, how species change over time, driven by natural selection and the wild ol’ game of survival.
Traits that help organisms thrive in their environment get passed on, while less helpful traits fade away.
Undaunted by the trauma of childbirth, John John posted this clip, today, of him testing fins shortly after the birth.
Congrats to John John Florence and mama Florence and welcome baby Darwin.
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Darwin means “Dear Friend”. Huxley means “Tree Clearer” or “Truth Seeker”
I was in Texas last week and they call them steers down there.
So Ke11y is a pop?
But I don’t have a problem with anything else, so for me it does.
John John Florence, surfing legend,
Testicles like watermelons, a wonder to behold,
Planted his seed in his horticultural queen.
Their son Darwin, a new chapter unfolds,
As evolution’s theory goes, adaptation’s the key,
From fin to limb, species evolve with glee.
Darwin’s namesake, a new wave to ride,
Cultivating beauty, as nature’s design inside.
In Brazil’s storms, Christians raise their hands,
Thanking Jesus, for the surfers’ promised land,
A wave of gratitude, in the tropical rain,
Faith and nature, forever in disdain.
Darwin… ??? C’mon your gonna make a statement w/ your kids name smh…
Well God called his kid Jesus for christ’s sake. How on the nose is that? Turnabout is fairplay.
The Eclipse was sign, our Savior has arrived! All hail Darwin… Sorry Kelly…
Do you think Alfred got there before Charles?
*vs
This article should have been titled: The Evolution Of Mrs. Florence
By your article it appears that when Lauryn was JJF’s girlfriend she was Lauryn, but “When Lauren announced she was pregnant in December 2023”, she became Lauren.
those little watermelon seeds are miraculous.
not only do they change your lifestyle, they change your name.
Congratulations to all four of them, Lauryn Lauren and John John
Are you deadnaming the birthing person?
Blame auto-correct!
“Auto-Correct”; a very clever alias, you naughty girl.
what’s in a name anyway
Probably grow a better beard than his old man by Christmas.
amazing that the Flo Bros have been blessed with incredible talent, a utopian upbringing, an incredible lifestyle and lovely wives….but the worst facial hair imaginable.
I have kids so only thing to say is “good on ya”. Life has just changed massively for you JJF. It’s nothing but good and nothing beats having kids. Everything has only just started.
indeed.
when people try to give me advise, I often ask: “do you have kids?”.
raising children is the key to living a full life.
except being able to lie down and have a nap after a 90 minute raced session after a sleepless night, it might be worth it, doesn’t mean its good
Darwin gunna catch some bombs!
Blessings to all.
Rejoice: A child has been brought forth.
Bestowed all the privilege he deserves as a young surfing millionaire, yet all the benefits of any cultural appropriation of his indigenous soon to be playmates.
A cultural win unlike anything since Larry Ellison bought Lanai, young Darwin scored. To be born into such grace. The child could have been lived in the streets of Togo or Ghana. Fate has played a kind hand.
Alas, Hawaii a no fault divorce state.
To the prenup go no spoils, and I contend not one was signed, so in the least she gets one of the houses in Pupukea.
Young Darwin as a young man of 18 wearing cheap Jaxxon Cuban links, driving anround dads 2041 Tundra and get sponsored by Pat Tenore. Fait accompli.
Too much sobriety, I got nothing.
Xox
What’s with the sober? I’ll be five years off in August. Best.
Really, no cunt would’ve thought that
Loose unit n that aye.
Xox
Tell ya what, the involuntary flatulence from unfiltered (but very tasty but probably suspect, in retrospect) beer has been an unwelcome surprise sometimes. Suck more piss: occasionally the epiphany is worth the penance. Tonight it’s time for Died Pretty – fuck that cunt had good voice, eh? Suck more piss, cunt.
I got really sad and my life apart. I still dabble, I love some alcohols too much. Never alcoholic but champion binge drinker. I just limit my servings and occasions now. Once I learned the science behind inebriation it became far less sexy. I can tolerate a physical hangover but not the head noise and that can linger for a week or more. Congrats to you though!!
Xox
Good that you can limit yourself. I could not. Exceedingly rare is the occasion that I miss it. Took more than a few attempts though.
I find five vodka and cokes over two hours brings a sustainable joy and increased ability to socialise.
My drinking was interfering with my socialising.
(EDIT) Why the fuck would you drink that of all things?
2 bottles of red from Aldi and ya sniffing floorboards
On Spesh !
It’s like cigarettes, four or five in the evening is plenty for me. But everything in moderation, including moderation.
Xox
It took me around 10 yrs to stop coveting my neighbors mixed drink. My nose can smell a T. Sunrise a block away!
That is a drink that has fallen out of favour so far as I can tell, most unjustly. I used to regularly sling them across the bar at the (predominantly) chicks who were buying them; the blokes drank beer or bourbon and coke and the cow cockys drank rum on a very short fuse. It’s a good and memorable cocktail – halfway to midnight and halfway to an early breakfast. How do you entertain yourself now if not with cheap tequila
and orange juice?
All natural, no preservatives or manufacturing……..cannabis!
Why’d you go sober-ober Mr PMWS? In order to increase the chances of cordial relations or to avert the certainty of convulsing while others looked on? I have recently had a (fairly tepid) telling off from my Dr (the injustice of genetics, goddamit – no way I’m putting skimmed milk in my tea) and it did cause a largish recalibration but the fun-free beer runs right out of fun by the end of the week. The inevitable tension between enjoying oneself and the enjoyment being a burden.
Maybe the Florence’s named their son after a different Darwin (if recentish scientific reports are right).
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
One should hope so for the sake of honest Patrick Matthew, who’d written about the evolution theory 28 yrs prior to that scoundrel Darwin.
P.S.
Will Kelly name his impending child Matthew or Patrick if a boy ?
Matilda or Patricia if a girl ?
To claim his 28yrs of dominance back…
Darwin climbed Matthew’s ladder
Where’d that snippet come from Beef? And, what’s happened to your hooch kitchen?
Darwin Cyclone Tracy Florence
Darwin darwin Florence ?
Dar Dar Florence
So if this kid doesn’t become an unstoppable surf prodigy, the likes of which has never been seen, what does that say about Darwin’s theory?
Some of Darwin’s kids didn’t make it to adulthood. He doesn’t quite blend that into his work!?
survival of the privilege
Survival of the Grit’est around these parts.
*Surfival
Xox
hopefully the kid choses a sport like tennis or american football
There will be no disrespect to the second coming.
Guess the first coming were blanks.
That’s what she said