Nicolas Cage film ‘The Surfer’ induces
knee-buckling six minute standing ovation at Cannes
By Chas Smith
“Mangez le rat!”
Now, let us all be honest. There has only been
one surf film, ever, worth the time of an auteur and that is Bruce
Brown’s seminal masterpiece The Endless Summer. Others, including
Point Break, North Shore, Blue Crush are cute. Others still,
including Chasing Mavericks and In God’s Hands, are so offensive as
to count as crimes against humanity.
None, though, has received a knee-buckling six minute standing
ovation at the Cannes Film Festival. None except Nicolas Cage’s new
offering The Surfer, that is.
Variety shared,
“Cage appeared to be having a ball, beaming from ear to ear and
waving across the room as cheers erupted around the Palais for the
film, a wild, mind-bending adventure that sees the fan favorite hit
the sort of deranged peaks not witnessed on screen since ‘Mandy.’
At one point he took the mic to ask how to say “eat the rat” in
French — a line from the film (and likely to become a meme) —
roaring “mangez le rat!” to the delight of the crowd.”
The picture, directed by Lorcan Finnegan, is said to be an
homage to vintage Australian New Wave films and is receiving rave
reviews.
The Hollywood
Reporter declares, “There’s no point in hiring Nicolas
Cage if you’re not going to let him rip with a wackadoodle, OTT
performance, and he duly delivers in the sly psychological thriller
The Surfer.”
The action is described thusly:
Unfolding largely on a beach and its adjacent parking lot in
Western Australia, but about a man who is trapped by his own
compulsions, The Surfer must be one of the most claustrophobic
films that takes place almost entirely outdoors. Hold on, there are
a couple of interiors: a grotty public toilet, the inside of a few
cars, and a shack on the beach where local antagonists of the
eponymous unnamed hero, the surfer (Cage), hang out. But the
frequent zooms into the surfer’s twitchy eyes, sudden flashes back
and forward, and shimmering shots that look like they’ve been
filmed underwater even when on dry land all suggest the story might
be unfolding in the surfer’s head as his sanity unravels.
But of course you will see and I will see and we will discuss
our various feelings. Until then, let’s enjoy the trailer
together.
Need more entertainment? Don’t worry. David Lee Scales and I got
together for our weekly chat and discussed surf adjacency. Enjoy,
rats.
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New Yorkers line up for a hit of Bondi-born takeaway
This Bowl aka FishBowl. | Photo: @rubylilyyyyy
Bondi surfers bring New York City to a
standstill with wildly popular takeaway chain Fishbowl!
By Derek Rielly
"The most viral spot in New York for lunch!"
Eight years back, three Bondi surfers, all of ‘em shredders
and all under thirty, opened a little takeaway joint called
Fishbowl serving “Japanese-leaning, Los Angeles style
poke” in the arcade underneath the vast and then new Pacific
apartment complex on beachfront Campbell Parade.
Real low-key, all of ‘em, Nic Pestalozzi, Casper Ettleson and
Nathan Dalah, working behind the counter slinging bowls in the tiny
280 square foot restaurant, a couple of benches and stools for
anyone who needed their grinds right now.
They called it Fishbowl and it soon morphed away from straight
poke and into selling Japanese-style fish/tofu/chicken salad bowls
at a bigger joint across the way and by 2022 the restaurants were
selling sixty-million bucks in bowls a year.
If you wanna count the locations, there’s forty-five stores
across Australia, twenty six in Sydney, nine in Melbourne, and ten
in Queensland.
And, now, New Yorkers have lined up for hours to get a taste of
the wildly popular takeaway chain, with one foodie calling it the
“the most viral spot for lunch” although in the US it’s called This
Bowl not Fishbowl ‘cause there’s chicken and beef on the menu.
“People are right in calling this one of the best lunch options
and eve quick dinners because we are going to be craving their
bowls and can’t wait to work through their whole menu, definitely
worth the hype,” they said.
There’s been a little back and forthing on social about whether
or not they’re poke bowls and claims that poke had been “stolen and
gentrified”.
“Firstly, we’re not poke and don’t claim to be, poke is from
Hawaii, and is a very different style meal to the salads we serve,”
co-founder Nic Pestalozzi told the Murdoch Press. “We serve salads,
they’re full of vegetables, and an array of proteins. Poke is all
about raw fish, it’s great, but it’s not what we do.”
But, whatever, building a wildly successful worldwide biz
selling healthy, and relatively cheap, food at a a time when
fatties are taking over the world gotta be regarded as
inspirational, no?
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Disgraced former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan
making a mockery of himself on a fun 2ft wave.
Crap surf forces English National Surfing
Championships to erect Wall of Positive Noise
By Chas Smith
"With the surf forecast showing a fun 2ft of surf
on Saturday, the stage is set for a competitive showdown..."
Fans of professional surfing are, generally,
aware that Mother Nature can be a big ol’ jerk. Events, scheduled
years in advance, oftentimes receive no material support from the
buxom blonde and are forced to run in waist high garbage. Sometimes
that trash is so odious, so unbelievably nasty, that organizers are
forced to cull the window from three days down to one.
And let us travel to Watergate Bay, there on England’s
southwestern most tip where the highly-anticipated English National
Surfing Championships was set to take place May 4th through the
6th. The weather was reliably terrible and so Surfing England
pushed until now and with rubbish surf on tap, it has been forced
to slash and burn two whole days of competitive little political
wet energy mound riding.
Putting a World Surf League-esque face on matters, the official
governing body declared, “With the surf forecast showing a fun 2ft
of surf on Saturday, the stage is set for a competitive showdown. A
total of 84 surfers have entered across six divisions, ensuring
over 15 hours of gripping competition heats, split across two wave
peaks. The event kicks off bright and early on Saturday, with
thrilling action carrying through to late afternoon when the
event’s top surfers will be crowned with national titles.”
Joe Turpel couldn’t have Wall of Positive Noise’d better.
Bravo, I guess.
Will the “global home of surfing” sue for unauthorized usage
though?
Certainly more as the story develops.
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Baby Chopes on tap.
World Surf League brazenly curses forecast
ahead of Tahiti Pro
By Chas Smith
"The perfection of Tahiti awaits the world’s best
surfers during the competition window."
Surfers are nothing if not superstitious and
especially when it comes to our little political wet energy mounds.
No surfer worth her salt will hype a potential swell event nor even
think “I’m taking the next one in” near the end of a session lest
the universe is bending its ear and hearing the haughtiness. That
universe is mean and will instantly dry up the aforementioned
little political wet energy mounds leaving the brash bastardette
unfulfilled.
Enter the World Surf League.
The Shiseido Tahiti Pro is but days away with surf fans eagerly
anticipating the first event post cut. We have not seen
professional surfing at its highest level since Margaret River
closed its doors on April 21. Final’s day, there, was a banger, if
I recall, with fine waves and fine performances. A rarity this
season which has been downright cursed by lousy conditions. The
WSL, it appears, hopes to keep the ugly streak going.
In an entirely ill-advised press release, the “global home of
surfing,” brazenly declared, “The perfection of Tahiti awaits the
world’s best surfers during the competition window of May 22
through 31, 2024. They will no doubt be looking to prove themselves
next week at Teahupo’o, as that break will also be the surfing
venue for the Olympic Games Paris 2024 from July 27 through August
5, 2024.”
The perfection of Tahiti awaits?
Perfection?
Oh, I can just see that universe now, guffawing at El Segundo’s
contemptuous call, dialing up howling cross-winds and a ten day
little political wet energy mound event not exceeding
three-feet.
Thanks, WSL.
Thanks a lot.
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Mini-DR, Gard Rielly, giving daddy's Biolos a wash at
the Sydney tank.
$75 million Sydney wavepool swings door
open to surfers, quickly books out
By Derek Rielly
While the revelatory thrill might be gone, there’s
still something that hits you in the guts when the water starts
sucking backwards in that tight little apex of the tank and a tube
appears out of nowhere…
On a rain-soaked Friday afternoon two weeks ago, I had
the enormous pleasure of examining the new $75 million Sydney
wavepool alongside the noted sexagenarian surfing brothers,
Nicholas and Thomas Carroll, men for whom age does not
weary nor years condemn etc.
The great Nick Carroll, sixty-five and still a
geyser of testosterone, treats the tube with contempt. Photo: Matt
Dunbar
Also in attendance, an entourage of Instagram influencers, the
photographer Billy Morris, eighties tour shredder Rob
Bain and the Bondi-based editor of Tracks magazine,
Luke Kennedy.
There’s a helluva lot less excitement when it comes to pools
opening than there was four years ago when the Melbourne tank
became Australian’s first wavepool, when you’d peer through the
wire construction fences to see the first test waves rolling
through, bringing shrieks of delight even when they were punched to
pieces by that raw Victorian wind.
Back then, I enjoyed Urbnsurf’s hospitality from one through til
six as part of a media reveal. It was very hot that day, one
hundred degrees Fahrenheit. With fourteen surfers in the water and
eight-wave sets every two minute one wave was caught every four
minutes.
Staff still call it the day of days.
Tanning poolside at the pre-opening of the
Melbourne tank.
That same week, on the Friday, I joined the party of an old
friend who had hired the joint from nine am until eight pm.
I spent seven hours or thereabouts in the water and caught, at a
conservative estimate, one hundred waves.
Two very exciting days, and both still warm in my memory.
It’s a different experience this time. Daddy’s leg don’t work,
operation forthcoming in three weeks, so he gifts his kids the two
sessions, the first turns, the second, barrels.
And, while the revelatory thrill might be gone, there’s still
something that hits you in the guts when the water starts
sucking backwards in the apex of the tank and a three-foot tube
appears out of nowhere and no one is there to hassle you for it; no
one’s gonna push the lip down on your head, push you too deep or
too wide.
Another mini-DR, Jones Rielly, folds the rear
hinge to max time in the cabana. Photo: Matt Dunbar
And the water colour, oowee, it’s a shocking cobalt blue, as
inviting as a warm fire cutting through logs.
So what’s difference between the Melbourne tank and Sydney?
Well, both are Wavegarden tech but there’s been four years to
work out the kinks and while it may not be immediately obvious
there are improvements.
The first is, Melbourne was built next to an airport and
adjacent to an Aussie Rules football ground nicknamed Windy Hill.
And even if you’re told the wind don’t affect the waves ‘cause
there’s zero fetch for the wind to do its terrible biz, they do,
even if it’s an aesthetic thing. Sydney crouches below a hill and
dips away from any exposure to a raw wind.
So, yeah, waves are smooth.
Second thing is the water temp. It gets insanely cold in a
Melbourne winter and the water temp will dip below ten degrees
celsius, 50F.
So, Sydney, down to maybe fourteen, fifteen, 57, 59F, at the
peak of the winter. Right now, a couple weeks out of winter, it’s
eighteen or 65 F.
Sessions cost either $109 or $159. The cheaper sessions you’ll
share with 17 other surfers, netting you ten or twelve waves,
depending if the session is full and if you milk the things to the
bitter end and lose your place in line.
The more expensive expert session has twelve surfers, meaning
you’ll get eighteen waves and plenty of room and time to decipher
how to thread the so-called Beast. Tip: punch down on your tail
after the takeoff and you’ll ride the length of the drainpipe.
Helmets aren’t compulsory but, as in the snow game, they’re
starting to become more popular and you can hire ‘em if you want a
little extra confidence heading into a Beast sesh.
It ain’t such a bad idea. I’ve seen two head injuries, and at
the presser this time a kid belted his head on the bottom.
If you’re into the idea of using pools as air-camps, you
might’ve written off the Wavegardens preferring the American Wave
Machine ramps of Waco and Brazil’s Boa Vista.
Until real recently, if they wanted to create an air section,
Wavegarden would install a temporary reef. Now, they can do it
using the existing modules. Only prob is they can only use one side
of the pool and there’s only forty waves instead of 216 an
hour.
Still, they plan on opening up some sorta air session to the
public this Christmas-ish.