Israeli surfer in national dress parades in Male, capital of Maldives.
Israeli surfer in national dress parades in Male, capital of Maldives.

Maldives ban on Israeli surfers backfires after Jewish apartheid state revealed to be home for two million Muslims

Derek Rielly

By

“The biggest concern is that there are many Palestinians with Israeli passports, millions of them. What happens when we impose the blanket ban on them?”

In a not-so-surprising move last October, Maldivian surfers called for an immediate ban on Israelis following Hamas’ butchering of 1200 Jewish civilians. 

Barely had the limbs of the slaughtered stopped twitching before an open letter was posted by the Maldives Bodyboarding Association. 

“Maldives Bodyboarding Association and the entire surf community strongly condemn and demand an end to the inhumane and unjust actions carried out by Israel against Palestinians.

“We request that the Maldivian government enforce a ban on the entry of Israelis to the Maldives. We also ask the government to continue any efforts aimed at stopping the inhumane actions of Israel and showing solidarity with the Palestinians. We call on the Maldivian government to assist the Palestinians in any way they can.”

The response was, uniformly, positive. 

“Maldives has always been a favorite destination to us Arabs, now even more. Thank you for this noble, humanitarian stance.”

“The life you stole and land you annexed from Palestinians ILLEGALLY. Live what’s left of your stolen land and life because the Palestinian cause only grows stronger, and you will be held accountable.”

The Maldives was one of the few Muslim countries that let the Jew in, Israel being one of the first countries in the world to recognise the little state when it shucked British rule in 1965.

That don’t mean it isn’t hardline.

The Maldives bans any public practice of any religion other than Islam and if you ain’t Muslim, you can’t be a citizen.

When ISIS was still big news, the Maldives gained “prominence as a haven for jihadist recruitment” as locals streamed into Iraq and Syria to join the big boys of the Jihadist game.

(Read, Losing a Paradise to Terrorism.)

After the glorious, religion-fuelled butchery of October 7, the government of the Maldives came under terrific pressure to ban Israelis. 

It took a little while but just as the ban was going to take effect the attorney general went, uh oh, what about the Arab-Israelis? 

“The biggest concern is that there are many Palestinians with Israeli passports, millions of them. What happens when we impose the blanket ban on them?”

Y’see, around two-million, or almost a quarter of the Jewish state is Arab, most of sunni Muslims and most of ‘em Israeli citizens. 

Anyway, if you think the Maldives is a benign paradise, yeah, well, no.

A few years back the New York Times reported, 

“This island paradise made news recently for a reason other than its pristine beaches and high-end resorts: the gruesome killing of a liberal blogger, stabbed to death by multiple assailants.

“The killing in April of Yameen Rasheed, 29, a strong voice against growing Islamic radicalization, has amplified safety concerns — particularly for foreign tourists, a highly vulnerable group and one that the islands’ economy depends on. It is no idle threat, in a country that by some accounts supplies the world’s highest per-capita number of foreign fighters to extremist outfits in Syria and Iraq.

“Security experts say many resorts are ill equipped to fend off an attack on par with those that have occurred in places like Tunisia and Bali, Indonesia.”

UK surfer (pictured) happy (for now).
UK surfer (pictured) happy (for now).

Biggest survey in over a decade finds surfing leads to increased happiness

Chas Smith

By

"The joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person..."

Now, our JP Currie might seem a little gruff sometimes but science has just proved that a happy light is actually glowing in his Scottish heart. Yes, the largest study of surfing and its relationship to mental health has just been conducted in his United Kingdom. The partnership between the University of Bristol and The Wave, also in Bristol, chatted with 1350 souls about their wave sliding and found “a positive relationship between increased frequency of surfing and better mental wellbeing.”

While longtime surfers, likely including Currie, cast doubt upon those 1350 kooks, late adopters gushed, “I’m always smiling, and the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person to be around according to my wife.” And “To say (surfing) has changed my later life is an understatement.”

Gag.

The study found that the biggest barriers to the wellspring of surfing joy were “the weather, work and study commitments, travel time, and pollution.” Dr Joey Murphy, a lecturer in physical activity and public health at the University of Bristol, told the BBC, “The data clearly indicates that making surfing accessible to more people has the potential to support both population health and the UK economy.”

Little does Dr. Murphy know that more surfers coming into this pastime of kings will almost instantly snuff out the glowing happy light and replace it with hatred and ice.

Argh.

But hold on… “the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person…”?

This seems like real sweet advertisement for artificial surf tanks. Like, too sweet. Wait until Kelly Slater gets his hands on this fake science.

Jimmy Jannard is worth a little under three billion dollars these days, is a Mormon, owns two Fijian islands, in the Lau Group, too, and if you know anything about the Lau group, oowee, empty waves for days, and, recently, sold his Malibu spread for $210 thereby surpassing Jay-Z and Beyonce for the most expensive joint in that sexy little beach town.
Jimmy Jannard is worth a little under three billion dollars these days, is a Mormon, owns two Fijian islands, in the Lau Group, too, and if you know anything about the Lau group, oowee, empty waves for days, and, recently, sold his Malibu spread for $210 thereby surpassing Jay-Z and Beyonce for the most expensive joint in that sexy little beach town.

Oakley’s Jim Jannard smashes Jay Z and Beyonce record for California’s most expensive house, sells Malibu compound for $210 million

Derek Rielly

By

The Jannard House is on an almost ten-acre spread and has eight bedrooms, two guesthouse and a swim tank overlooking El Pescador State Beach

Whenever I hear of ol Jimmy Jannard in the news it always takes me back to baby Dez in the late-eighties paying one hundred and twenty shekels for a pair of Oakley Razor Blades the gal behind the surf shop counter said he looked “fire” in and thinking if he bought the crazy lookin’ specs in turn she’d rob his semen bank.

The folly of the young and dumb.

Oakley Razor Blades ad
Seductive advertising for Razor Blades circa 1987.

But Jimmy ain’t just known for his wild looking glasses ‘cause it was his second biz, RED, that changed the world by democratising filmmaking: the creation of relatively affordable, wildly portable HD cameras that meant indy filmmakers could get their hands on professional-grade equipment without having to sell their soul to a studio or whatever.

Incredibly, Jimmy sold RED to Nikon earlier this year for a bargain eighty-five mill.

Jimmy Jannard is worth a little under three billion dollars these days, is a Mormon, owns two Fijian islands, in the Lau Group, too, and if you know anything about the Lau group, oowee, empty waves for days, and, recently, sold his Malibu spread for $210 thereby surpassing Jay-Z and Beyonce for the most expensive joint in that sexy little beach town.

You might remember from the other day in a story about Kanye ripping the bowels out of a $53 million home called the little Ando and named after the Japanese architect Tadao Ando. Jay Z and Beyonce’s joint is the Big Ando.

Details of Jimmy Jannard’s sale are pretty light, it was all off market, but he bought the 9.5-acre oceanfront compound in 2012 for seventy-five mill and the new owner had to borrow $203 million to meet the $210 million asking price.

The Jannard House is on an almost ten-acre spread and has eight bedrooms, fourteen bathrooms, two guesthouses, a swinging little garden and a dazzling pool that overlooks El Pescador State Beach.

It ain’t the only house Jim Jannard has listed.

He recently put his Beverly Hills brutalist mansion on the market for sixty-eight mill, a joint that has been described as a “supervillain’s lair.”

Timberlake (pictured) not doing a good job. Photo: Sag Harbor PD.
Timberlake (pictured) not doing a good job. Photo: Sag Harbor PD.

Surfers react in horror as Justin Timberlake caught looking “glassy-eyed and weird” in unfortunate mug shot

Chas Smith

By

"You've got to practice this stuff, man."

Surfers are known derelicts. Maybe some of the biggest derelicts on earth, if honestly is to prevail, and are all very aware that trouble lurks around every corner. Trouble with overzealous lifeguards, trouble with yellow beanie-wearing former surf media denizens, trouble with the fuzz. A mug shot a very real and present danger and, thus, surfers are regularly practicing looks.

There is the…

“Got me but I don’t care.”

The legend Mitch Coleborn (pictured) with Tofino, Canada PD.
The legend Mitch Coleborn (pictured) with Tofino, Canada PD.

“Catch me if you can.”

Mik Dora (pictured) not looking at the FBI.
Mik Dora (pictured) not looking at the FBI.

“So?”

Jill Hansen (pictured) giving a little smile.
Jill Hansen (pictured) giving a little smile.

…to name but a very few. Options certainly abound but no surfer, anywhere, wants to get caught by the law looking like Justin Timberlake.

JT (pictured) in The Hamptons.
JT (pictured) in Sag Harbor.

Described as “glassy-eyed” and “weird” by the mainstream media, the very famous songbird’s look horrified surfers. Equal parts shame and defiance exuding from an altogether unflattering portrait.

Timberlake was, of course, popped for DWI in Sag Harbor after blowing through a few stop signs and swerving badly.

Per the New York Post:

He told arresting officers he had just “one martini, and I followed my friends home’’ — while refusing three times to take a Breathalyzer test. A witness at the bar told The Post that the superstar singer was “wasted — and even picked up someone else’s drink from the table and downed it when its owner went to the bathroom. “When [the man] came back, [Timberlake] was drinking his drink.“The guy goes, “Justin, that’s my drink!’’ the source said.

Well that doesn’t sound too terribly out of line but the mug shot… it should have been practiced more.

I’d encourage you, dear surfer-reader, to run to your nearest bathroom and toss your best busted look straight away.

And you’re welcome.

Kelly Slater (pictured) being cute.
Kelly Slater (pictured) being cute.

Surf legend Kelly Slater straps baby to chest and gets barreled

Chas Smith

By

Autumnal fun.

Fatherhood is just around the corner for the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater. The 11x champion and his longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, announced, months ago, that they were going to have a little baby boy. It is, of course, the second go around for Slater though questions remain as to his involvement in raising his daughter Taylor.

Bygones be bygones, though, and Slater was just filmed strapped with baby, carving, barreling, even airing at his Surf Ranch.

Practice, as they say.

Now, it must be assumed that the baby is false but the joy of watching an older father-to-be really leaning into his role, this time around, is inspiring.

Like Robert Di Nero and Al Pacino.

Autumnal fun.

Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by @theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
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