Surf legend Kelly Slater straps baby to
chest and gets barreled
By Chas Smith
Autumnal fun.
Fatherhood is just around the corner for the
world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater. The 11x champion and his
longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, announced, months ago, that
they were going to have a little baby boy. It is, of course, the
second go around for Slater though questions remain as to his
involvement in raising his daughter Taylor.
Bygones be bygones, though, and Slater was just filmed strapped
with baby, carving, barreling, even airing at his Surf Ranch.
Now, it must be assumed that the baby is false but the joy of
watching an older father-to-be really leaning into his role, this
time around, is inspiring.
Like Robert Di Nero and Al Pacino.
Autumnal fun.
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Jade (pictured) at Pipeline.
Brave influencer praised for surfing “most
dangerous wave in the world” with no experience!
By Chas Smith
"Thank you for showing the mental struggles of your
Pipeline journey."
The confluence of surfing and influencing has
been one of the most delectable bits of our modern epoch. Surfing,
itself, is generally pointless. Feed a river of half-baked
narcissists with even less value right into it etvoila… a bouillabaisse of embarrassment so delicious as to
require a Michelin Star.
And let us meet Jade who decided, at 19, she wanted to surf
Pipeline.
Jade’s inspirational video journal opens with a call to her surf
coach in which she asks, “Say a beginner, and that beginner is me,
wanted to surf Pipeline?” It is unclear why she has a “surf coach”
at all but he answers that she would have to train very hard,
discussing how deadly the wave is etc.
Maybe ignoring his advice, she leaves her father then travels to
Oahu’s iconic North Shore in order to do vlogger things, discusses
her “training,” which included surfskate, then finally she was
ready. Jade paddled out on a Rob Machado model surfboard, “body
fully shaking” and eventually rolls into a 2ft burger, achieving
the dream, as it were.
A few rude apples pointed out that she did not surf Pipe but,
rather Gums, and offseason with no swell, though the general flood
was filled with praise and awe.
Son of the sun declared, “Thank you for showing the mental
struggles of your Pipeline journey. I feel like the frustration
with setbacks is oftentimes just ignored on social media, and
seeing you go through all of that is soooo inspiring!!!”
Annie McCoy added, “I don’t know you but when I saw you surfing
pipeline, I was beaming from ear to ear. That was awesome! Good job
Jade!!!!”
Roam with Reda shared, “Recently surfed Pipe for the first time
maybe ~6foot faces was terrified just being out there lol but had a
blast once I got over the fear.”
R. Goodrich simply said, “You’re gnarly for surfing pipeline!!
Keep up the good work and can’t wait to see if you get sponsored
eventually.”
On and on and on it went which brings us back around to Filipe
Toledo. Will Jade surf Teahupo’o with no experience next?
More, certainly, as the story develops.
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Surfers come to the aid of a fellow shredder, hurt
after being speared into the shallow bank at Lovers. | Photo:
@mrmysto
Dramatic scenes on Gold Coast as surfer
suffers suspected spinal injuries after being “speared” into
sandbank
By Derek Rielly
“Good lesson no matter how comfortable you are
surfing a wave, always have to be extremely mindful."
A surfer has been airlifted to hozzy after a dramatic
rescue at D-Bah, that remarkable little beach around the corner
from the southern GC points and which is actually in NSW,
this morning after he was, by all accounts, “speared into the
sandbank” on a two-foot wave at around 8:45.
The photographer Mr Mysto was
there for the subsequent group rescue at the northern end of the
beach on the bank in front of Lovers’ Rock there and describes it
thus:
“A group of surfers immediately stabilised the surfer in
distress and signalled to me there was a problem. I alerted
emergency services calling the ambulance at 8:57 to assist with
immediate care. It took over fifteen minutes for Rain Beach Surf
Life Saving to stabilise the individual before safety transporting
him to shore where ambulance personnel then conveyed him to the
hospital.”
And, last year, the former top New Zealand pro Max Quinn was
forced to crawl for twenty minutes in “intense pain” and get
airlifted to ICU after he belted his spine on one of the
South Island’s heaviest waves.
“Good lesson no matter how comfortable you are surfing a wave,
always have to be extremely mindful,” he said.
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Kelly Slater and apparent new-born give hell to Surf
Ranch.
Watch as Kelly Slater goes surfing, even
riding the barrel, with baby strapped to his chest!
By Derek Rielly
“This could be Kelly Slater's Michael
Jackson-baby-dangle-off-the-balcony moment.”
Hot on the news that Kelly Slater has been gifted a lifeline
to a twelfth world title, is footage of the champ apparently
giving an infant the gift of barrel-riding.
(As readers of this site who are parents will attest, the
BabyBjörn harness is indispensable as it allows parents to carry
their babies in various positions, including facing inward, facing
outward, and on their back, as they grow. I have so many fond
memories of babies asleep on my chest as I strolled the beaches
examining the state of sandbanks and the tides.)
In the short reel hosted on Red Bull producer Johnny Decesare’s
Instagram account, Kelly Slater coolly takes the child on a
first-hand tour of his famous made-made wave, Surf Ranch, riding
the barrel and, at the wave’s end, even introducing him, or her, or
they, it, to the never-gets-old pleasures of a throwaway
air.
“Could be Kelly’s Michael
Jackson’s-baby-dangle-off-the-balcony-moment coming up,” writes one
commenter although, I think, as one commenter correctly puts it,
“some might say it’s a doll.”
Kelly Slater, eleven years back, winning the Volcom
Fiji Pro. | Photo: WSL
Surf tour change puts 52-year-old Kelly
Slater on track for improbable 12th world title!
By Derek Rielly
"Holding it at Lower Trestles year after year
turned Finals Day into a low-stakes hostage situation."
It’s possible to agree, I think, on the following two
matters as superficially contradictory as they may seem at
a first pass.
One, the sudden-death Finals Day format is a terrific way to
build the fevers of spectators and push surfers into hitherto
unseen levels of performance.
(Think Stephanie Gilmore, unbeatable, as she mowed through the
top five to win an eighth world title and scramble Carissa Moore so
hard the five-timer quit the tour shortly after.)
As fans, we’ve been frog-marched to Lowers. The pros, I’m
guessing—apart from Toledo who lives in nearby San Clemente, is
scared of big tropical reef waves, and knows Lowers better than you
know the opening lines of your favorite Taylor Swift song—hate
Lowers Finals Day even more than we do.
The long overdue change to Finals Day will have a profound and
lasting effect on the tour.
Toledo, for one, ain’t ever gonna win a world title ever
again.
And it opens the door not just for Jack Robinson and John John
Florence but, incredibly, to an old man in his fifty-third year and
three decades after he claimed the first of his eleven world
titles.
The road to Kelly Slater 12 needs a little grease, of course,
wild cards, bigger than usual swells, and it’s improbable as all
hell.
But, when has improbable stopped Kelly Slater?
Cue, eight-to-ten-foot Cloudbreak, and the last meaningful swell
of the 2025 season.
Who would bet against a man who’s been surfing Cloudbreak for
almost forty years, whose artistry quivers even the limpest
organ?
