Timberlake (pictured) not doing a good job. Photo: Sag Harbor PD.
Timberlake (pictured) not doing a good job. Photo: Sag Harbor PD.

Surfers react in horror as Justin Timberlake caught looking “glassy-eyed and weird” in unfortunate mug shot

"You've got to practice this stuff, man."

Surfers are known derelicts. Maybe some of the biggest derelicts on earth, if honestly is to prevail, and are all very aware that trouble lurks around every corner. Trouble with overzealous lifeguards, trouble with yellow beanie-wearing former surf media denizens, trouble with the fuzz. A mug shot a very real and present danger and, thus, surfers are regularly practicing looks.

There is the…

“Got me but I don’t care.”

The legend Mitch Coleborn (pictured) with Tofino, Canada PD.
The legend Mitch Coleborn (pictured) with Tofino, Canada PD.

“Catch me if you can.”

Mik Dora (pictured) not looking at the FBI.
Mik Dora (pictured) not looking at the FBI.


Jill Hansen (pictured) giving a little smile.
Jill Hansen (pictured) giving a little smile.

…to name but a very few. Options certainly abound but no surfer, anywhere, wants to get caught by the law looking like Justin Timberlake.

JT (pictured) in The Hamptons.
JT (pictured) in Sag Harbor.

Described as “glassy-eyed” and “weird” by the mainstream media, the very famous songbird’s look horrified surfers. Equal parts shame and defiance exuding from an altogether unflattering portrait.

Timberlake was, of course, popped for DWI in Sag Harbor after blowing through a few stop signs and swerving badly.

Per the New York Post:

He told arresting officers he had just “one martini, and I followed my friends home’’ — while refusing three times to take a Breathalyzer test. A witness at the bar told The Post that the superstar singer was “wasted — and even picked up someone else’s drink from the table and downed it when its owner went to the bathroom. “When [the man] came back, [Timberlake] was drinking his drink.“The guy goes, “Justin, that’s my drink!’’ the source said.

Well that doesn’t sound too terribly out of line but the mug shot… it should have been practiced more.

I’d encourage you, dear surfer-reader, to run to your nearest bathroom and toss your best busted look straight away.

And you’re welcome.

Kelly Slater (pictured) being cute.
Kelly Slater (pictured) being cute.

Surf legend Kelly Slater straps baby to chest and gets barreled

Autumnal fun.

Fatherhood is just around the corner for the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater. The 11x champion and his longtime girlfriend, Kalani Miller, announced, months ago, that they were going to have a little baby boy. It is, of course, the second go around for Slater though questions remain as to his involvement in raising his daughter Taylor.

Bygones be bygones, though, and Slater was just filmed strapped with baby, carving, barreling, even airing at his Surf Ranch.

Practice, as they say.

Now, it must be assumed that the baby is false but the joy of watching an older father-to-be really leaning into his role, this time around, is inspiring.

Like Robert Di Nero and Al Pacino.

Autumnal fun.

Jade (pictured) at Pipeline.
Jade (pictured) at Pipeline.

Brave influencer praised for surfing “most dangerous wave in the world” with no experience!

"Thank you for showing the mental struggles of your Pipeline journey."

The confluence of surfing and influencing has been one of the most delectable bits of our modern epoch. Surfing, itself, is generally pointless. Feed a river of half-baked narcissists with even less value right into it et voila… a bouillabaisse of embarrassment so delicious as to require a Michelin Star.

And let us meet Jade who decided, at 19, she wanted to surf Pipeline.

Jade’s inspirational video journal opens with a call to her surf coach in which she asks, “Say a beginner, and that beginner is me, wanted to surf Pipeline?” It is unclear why she has a “surf coach” at all but he answers that she would have to train very hard, discussing how deadly the wave is etc.

Maybe ignoring his advice, she leaves her father then travels to Oahu’s iconic North Shore in order to do vlogger things, discusses her “training,” which included surfskate, then finally she was ready. Jade paddled out on a Rob Machado model surfboard, “body fully shaking” and eventually rolls into a 2ft burger, achieving the dream, as it were.

A few rude apples pointed out that she did not surf Pipe but, rather Gums, and offseason with no swell, though the general flood was filled with praise and awe.

Son of the sun declared, “Thank you for showing the mental struggles of your Pipeline journey. I feel like the frustration with setbacks is oftentimes just ignored on social media, and seeing you go through all of that is soooo inspiring!!!”

Annie McCoy added, “I don’t know you but when I saw you surfing pipeline, I was beaming from ear to ear. That was awesome! Good job Jade!!!!”

Roam with Reda shared, “Recently surfed Pipe for the first time maybe ~6foot faces was terrified just being out there lol but had a blast once I got over the fear.”

R. Goodrich simply said, “You’re gnarly for surfing pipeline!! Keep up the good work and can’t wait to see if you get sponsored eventually.”

On and on and on it went which brings us back around to Filipe Toledo. Will Jade surf Teahupo’o with no experience next?

More, certainly, as the story develops.

Surfers go to aid of injured surfer at D-Bah
Surfers come to the aid of a fellow shredder, hurt after being speared into the shallow bank at Lovers. | Photo: @mrmysto

Dramatic scenes on Gold Coast as surfer suffers suspected spinal injuries after being “speared” into sandbank

“Good lesson no matter how comfortable you are surfing a wave, always have to be extremely mindful."

A surfer has been airlifted to hozzy after a dramatic rescue at D-Bah, that remarkable little beach around the corner from the southern GC points and which is actually in NSW, this morning after he was, by all accounts, “speared into the sandbank” on a two-foot wave at around 8:45.

The photographer Mr Mysto was there for the subsequent group rescue at the northern end of the beach on the bank in front of Lovers’ Rock there and describes it thus:

“A group of surfers immediately stabilised the surfer in distress and signalled to me there was a problem. I alerted emergency services calling the ambulance at 8:57 to assist with immediate care. It took over fifteen minutes for Rain Beach Surf Life Saving to stabilise the individual before safety transporting him to shore where ambulance personnel then conveyed him to the hospital.”

Spinal injuries in small surf are rare as hell although regular readers will recall recent back breaking wipeouts for slab hunters Dylan Longbotton, Harry Hollmer-Cross and Nathan Florence.

And, last year, the former top New Zealand pro Max Quinn was forced to crawl for twenty minutes in “intense pain” and get airlifted to  ICU after he belted his spine on one of the South Island’s heaviest waves.

“Good lesson no matter how comfortable you are surfing a wave, always have to be extremely mindful,” he said.

Kelly Slater goes surfing with baby at Surf Ranch
Kelly Slater and apparent new-born give hell to Surf Ranch.

Watch as Kelly Slater goes surfing, even riding the barrel, with baby strapped to his chest!

“This could be Kelly Slater's Michael Jackson-baby-dangle-off-the-balcony moment.”

Hot on the news that Kelly Slater has been gifted a lifeline to a twelfth world title, is footage of the champ apparently giving an infant the gift of barrel-riding. 

Kelly Slater, who is fifty-two, is filmed wearing a harness called a BabyBjörn, a type of baby carrier designed to carry infants and young children. 

(As readers of this site who are parents will attest, the BabyBjörn harness is indispensable as it allows parents to carry their babies in various positions, including facing inward, facing outward, and on their back, as they grow. I have so many fond memories of babies asleep on my chest as I strolled the beaches examining the state of sandbanks and the tides.) 

And, in the case of Kelly Slater, whose second child is due, well, the exact date hasn’t been publicly disclosed, however, the announcement was made in March 2024, so, considering the average human gestation period, it’s likely that the baby is due sometime in the summer of 2024, the device is used to carry a baby while he surfs.

In the short reel hosted on Red Bull producer Johnny Decesare’s Instagram account, Kelly Slater coolly takes the child on a first-hand tour of his famous made-made wave, Surf Ranch, riding the barrel and, at the wave’s end, even introducing him, or her, or they, it, to the never-gets-old pleasures of a throwaway air. 

“Could be Kelly’s Michael Jackson’s-baby-dangle-off-the-balcony-moment coming up,” writes one commenter although, I think, as one commenter correctly puts it, “some might say it’s a doll.” 

Do you think child alive or plastic?

If plastic, why?

If real, why not!


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