Online sleuths reveal Aussie surf Olympian to be spitting image of Hawk Tuah girl Hailey Welch!

Separated at birth?

For lovers of surfing, of which at least a few of you still are although that may be withering, you’ll be well aware of the women’s tour vet Sally Fitzgibbons. 

The thirty-two-year-old Australian is a former world number one whose electric smile, dark and enormous eyes, rippled stomach and with skin agleam like a seal fresh out of the sea, has long made her a favourite with sports fans of all pronouns.

Two years ago, Fitzgibbons, who was one of the first women to consistently land aerials, was sensationally dumped from the tour after fourteen years and one hundred and eight consecutive events only to be shovelled a wildcard for the following year’s events following an enormous outcry. 

Fitzgibbons is currently rated thirteenth on the  Championship Tour, not very good, but is third on the Challenger Series, which means she’ll get another shot at a world title in 2025. 

Anyway, online sleuths have revealed Fitzgibbons to be the doppelgänger of the “Hawk Tuah” girl, also known as Hailey Welch, who became an overnight sensation thanks to her charming response in a viral video interview. 

The video, which was posted by creator duo Tim and Dee TV, shows Welch and a friend being asked questions during a night out in Nashville, Tennessee.

When asked about a move in bed that makes a man go crazy every time, Welch, who has a sloe-eyed loveliness punctuated by these amorous soft-brown eyes, replied, “You gotta give ’em that ‘hawk TUAH’ and spit on that thang!”, the ‘hawk TUAH’ mimicking the sound of spitting on what might be presumed as a gorgeous column standing stiffly in the rainstorm.

Hawk Tuah Girl Original Video

Welch, who is a 21-year-old from Belfast, Tennessee, was on vacation in Nashville when the video was shot. She dropped out of college a year or two ago and has been working at a spring factory. 

Lately, Welch has appeared on stage with country singer Zach Bryan and hung out with basketball legend Shaquille O’Neal.

Sally Fitzgibbons, meanwhile, is preparing for the US Open of Surfing which begins August 6 and which has been poetically described, here, as a “yearly bacchanal wherein professional surfers bounce up and down upon their boards.”

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33 Comments
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Rob Aspvermin

I’d Marry Sarry. 🥺. Yet I Dead already. 🥺🥷🏻

Andy C

My pleasure

Huckleberry

Yes

ricmatic

Now that you mention it, Hailey does look a lot like hailey. It’s always good when Derek finds an excuse to write erotica

notsurfingtoday

Its pronounced Ha’aauak Tuohoua’ you fuckin insensitive millennials.

ValiantScorn

A lost generation. These little girls are talking evil shit. If you have enough spit in your mouth, there is NO need for you to take your mouth off of the tool! Spitting means you are about to attempt something that I don’t allow. I let you drop my drawers, to complete the job in your lie hole. Not bore me, and assault my cock.

NEGATRON

So cringe.

Pauly Matt War-Shore

big incel energy

ValiantScorn

Are you trying to say you have a better method!? Biological females only, colonizer.

AntiDisUnDeInterested

Redefining TMI. Anyone know how to unread a comment? #incelpower

Turtle

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.”

https://youtu.be/zBBsb0z9RJ…

Happy Camper

it appears you’ve already scraped as much as possible from the bottom of the barrel and decided to turn the barrel over and scrape the muck from under the barrel.

you worked very hard to tie dick spit to our gal sal. brilliant.

KRIS

https://m.youtube.com/watch…
Love it when Sal talks (shouts) shed!

Gil Gunderson

Bravo Derek. Some of your finest. lol

The Bitchy Crab

Handed to me on platter by one-day surf shaper billionaire!

Com Turren
Andy C

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fuck you win BG

cunt!

Dumb Florida Redneck

Jacob Wilcox and Cleetus McFarland are brothers don’t believe me, just look.

Chief Hot stuff

A bit of tua is ok , but spare me the hawk

Stick man

fo’ real.

Happy Camper

Let’s go to Joe and Hawk Tuah On the Glass

Abscessed Llama

Like to see Joe and company work “Hawk Tuah!” into the vernacular to describe Chopes spit..

Andy C

Reckon ol’ love Hailey’s had more pricks than a second hand dart board?

Pauly Matt War-Shore

Seems like a legend. Doubt she’d fuck you.

Andy C

lol, fuck you’re shit cunt

Pauly Matt War-Shore

You should definitely cry about it

Andy C

cry is free

JAI LENNY

cry wank

Andy C

Tears as lube

Stick man

Wank is free.

Happy Camper

Pauly’s pissed because Hailey’s close to breaking his record.

Andy C

oof


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