Hello Adriano de Slater!
Yesterday it was revealed, thanks to the glorious Papa of Surf Barton Lynch, that the world’s second greatest surfer Kelly Slater is refusing to name his newborn son. As reported by the venerable Derek Rielly, “We got a little boy and my friends think we’re playing a game with him, because we haven’t said the name. Because we actually, we don’t actually don’t call him anything. We gave him a name for his birth certificate, but, as of now, we don’t have a name to call him. So, we’re kind of just, like, letting him figure out what his personality is.”
But is this peak Kelly Slater?
The highest point the 57-year-old will ever reach?
A few things.
The boy isn’t called anything?
He has a name on his official document birth certificate that is not his name?
Onus on li’l fella to figure out what his personality is first before receiving the blessing of a marker?
The air very thin on Peak Kelly, so forgive, but doesn’t the 11x professional surfing champion owe Adriano de Souza a solid?
You certainly recall when Slater ripped the hard-working Brazilian’s 1st, and only, championship straight from him by debuting his wave tank less than 12 hours after the Li’l Plumber hoisted his cup?
All air, certainly, out of that room
In this nameless vacuum he created, can’t we, The People™, just step up and call the boy Adriano de Slater?
“de” the middle name, of course.
Fair, I think.
You?
Kelly hasn’t chosen a name cos he waiting for his kid to chose a gender
Kelly 100% waiting for Felipe to win the world title then tell everyone his son’s name is Baʿal Zebub of some shit
Or…”Dez…”
Funky cold Medina! That’s it’s name 🤣
The smart money’s on
Mohammad Abu Dhabi
Or maybe Robert
You guys might just have the world’s douchiest advertising setup on your pages.
“Hey here is my 8407th opinion on a Koa Rothman Instagram post and 69 pop up ads along with it”
Is he gonna pretend for like 15 years that the kid doesn’t exist like he did with Taylor?
Chas why not just put an ad in between every single line, right now you have two lines of text between each ad and that’s not maximum profit brah.
How about Sebastian.
What is in a name ?
Give a listen to “A Boy named Sue.”
Skater Slater?
I misread the clickbait headline and I think you’ve unwittingly stumbled onto wee lad’s name:
Peak Slater
C’mon chas u can do better than this crap
He actually can’t! Leave him alone!
Xox
He will name him little Marley Slater. You heard it here.
Fuck, maybe little Avalon Slater. Shit, now I’m not sure.
I see your here and going all in Newman with Robert Kennedy Slater.. Ken for short. Still retains his initials RKS!
Freedom Slater or Independence Slater
Isn’t John John his secret second child?
So, his third kid should be named
John John John.
Poor Lunar… Straight from Klly.com:
Step into Kelly Slater’s world with baby Lunar. Seeded by the 11x world surf champion, Lunar is the most radical baby he – and you – has ever seen. Lunar is your everyday baby: whether heading to the beach or running errands, Kalani will take Lunar every step of the way in comfort and style with Kelly nowhere in sight.
fucken hell.
What a fucken tool.
Poor kid being raised by that arsehole.
I will not have a poor word said about Kalani, as Kelly will be doing no raising.
Xox
I doubt Kalani can even think for herself anymore …
Maybe she has a master plan to create a sporting superstar haha. More as the story develops!!
Xox
I’d personally like to see some form of Hawaiian cultural name type appropriation…
Kona Brewing Slater
Kelly Non Kelly
Actual serious suggestion (I know frowned upon in these parts) but Sebastian might be cheesy enough. Can be used as a girls name, harkens back to his roots and provides some alliteration. SS
Coco?
Watch this dumbass name the kid Jasper or Finn
Finn actually has a nice ring to it, but not sure Ke11y has Irish or Scandinavian roots. What’s the Syrian equivalent??
Sherko Slater
Isn’t there some joke about “Abdul the goat fucker”?
the original classic