"The stuff has to stop arriving on the beach and then we have to do a thorough cleanup..."

A general pall is hanging in the air from Virginia to Maryland. A grey despondence that has nothing to do with the upcoming presidential election in nearby Washington D.C. nor the Baltimore Orioles sudden slip after beginning the Major League Baseball season on a tear. No, the depression is emanating from the region’s surf community, men and women moping around town instead of out on the water, where they belong, due washed up medical waste which has shuttered all beaches.

The coastal bit, where sand meets surf, has been closed for days now with no sign on re-opening as hypodermic needles, colostomy bags and other hospital-esque detritus.

The gross business.

Hugh Hawthorne, the superintendent of Assateague Island National Seashore, has provided no hope, telling the local news, “The stuff has to stop arriving on the beach and then we have to do a thorough cleanup of the main swimming areas before we can reopen. Our oceanside beaches remain closed on the entire island as of right now,” said Hawthorne. It’s a lot of plastic debris but it includes a large component of medical waste.”

Bummed surfers are are being told “not to be picking up these things, especially the needles, without proper protective equipment” leaving them extremely idle, hands becoming devil’s playground etc.

Which leads to a broader question. When you are unable to surf, due injury, illness, medical waste on beach etc., how do you fill the days?

a) surf skating

b) scrolling your high school’s Facebook page

c) sitting in a dark room plotting

d) other

"We love you brother, keep fighting! ‍You got this!"

A Florida surfer was critically injured after hitting the Sunglow Pier off Daytona Beach on Friday morning. Jorge Alvarado, 49, was enjoying a fun little end of summer pulse when disaster struck around 9:00 am. Witnesses say that the Port Orange man might have hit a sandbar first but then struck his head on a piling, disappearing underwater afterward. It took other surfers in the water “several minutes” to free him, rush him to the sand and then directly to the hospital while life-saving measures were being administered.

Tamra Malphurs, director of Volusia County Beach Safety Ocean Rescue, wrote, “Sounds like the lateral current pushed him into the pier after he hit his head.”

Alvarado’s friend, Justin Gore, has set up a GoFundMe in order to help with expenses, explaining, “He (Alvarado) is currently on life support and needs all of the prayers and support he can possibly get. Jorge is loved by so many people and we want to make sure as a community that we take care of him and his family during this difficult time. If you can donate, anything would be greatly appreciated. If you can’t donate, please continue to pray for Jorge and his family. Thank you to all whom help contribute financially and thank you for all of the continued prayers. We love you brother, keep fighting! ‍You got this!”

Thus far, nearly $12,000 of a $25,000 goal has been raised.

Donate here.

All eyes on Kelly Slater.

Political pundits have, as you know, been keeping a hard eye on America’s surf vote as the nation careens toward its next presidential election. The race between current Vice-President Kamala Harris and former President Donald J. Trump is neck and neck, both parties scrambling to find heretofore untapped voting blocs that might just maybe tip the scales.

Team Trump made early inroads by flipping the one-time Inertia darling Tulsi Gabbard. She, alongside Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who also turned MAGA, were thought as the best possible chance to bring surfing’s biggest fish, Kelly Slater, into the blue tent.

Slater famously declared he doesn’t vote, though has made his passion for Kennedy known and was also just spotted in Las Vegas eating healthy green food with Gabbard.

Great times in the desert and, maybe, dessert depending what was ordered.

Disgraced ex-World Surf League CEO Erik Logan, who has since become an influencer, was also courted directly by Trump, trying to capitalize on a shared hatred of singer-songwriter Taylor Swift.

Things were looking ever so bleak for Team Harris until, that is, white knight revealed he is also a white guy for Harris. And also Kelly Slater’s friend. Big fish back in play.

Well, the surf vote is not just an American phenomenon. Across the Pacific, Japan will participate in its own snap election in just days, pitting a model aircraft enthusiast against a woman who played drums in a rock band and a young and photogenic surfer who thinks fighting climate change might be “fun” and “sexy.”

Current PM Fumio Kishida flipped the country on its head with the announcement that he would not run at the end of the month, citing the need for “new blood.” His party, the LDP, has ruled Japan for 70 years and is looking to maintain power for another 70s.

The surfer, Shinjiro Koizumi, is currently trailing the rock dummer, Sanae Takaichi, but not by much. His ability on surfboard is described as “keen” by local news, vice-president of political risk advisory firm Teneo James Brady adding he offers, “a nebulous promise of generational change and modernisation of the ruling LDP” though his election would be a win for the status quo, part of a “glut of hereditary politicians.”

If the surf candidate can, anyhow, topple the model aircraft one and the rock drummer one, Teams Trump and Harris will certainly take note and, likely, triple down on efforts to woo wave sliders.

Kelly Slater growing in importance by the day.