Bye bye Banzai.
The World Surf League’s 2025 Championship Tour is still months from its debut but surf fans are already tittering with the various and sundry storylines. There is, of course, the return of J-Bay and Snapper, Finals Day being moved from Lower Trestles to Cloudbreak but mostly there is Abu Dhabi and its gleaming Kelly Slater surf tank.
Our heroes and heroines will fly directly to the oil rich Middle East petro kingdom from Oahu’s North Shore, after launching the season at the iconic Banzai Pipeline but will all of them fly? Two-time champ Tyler Wright’s family has raised multiple red flags, openly wondering if their bisexual sister, married to a woman, might receive the death penalty in the land where same sex relationships can lead to criminal penalty. Will others follow, signing on to a petition being circulated by the famously anti-woman advocacy group Surf Equity?
Will the World Surf League decide that the Banzai Pipeline is finally redundant and no longer necessary?
An unforeseen twist!
But you are certainly aware of the enmity felt by the “global home of surfing” for the second jewel of the Triple Crown. Pipeline, of course, used to end the season and crown champions. Now it begins the season and is meaningless. Gone altogether in 2026?
For the petro kingdom of Bahrain, just north of the UAE has just unveiled plans for its own surf tank called “Bahrain Surf Park – Club Hawaii Experience.
Set to open in two years, the development is a partnership between Edmah, the real estate branch of Bahrain’s soverign wealth fund, and GFH Financial Group. It will include shops, luxury hotels, residences and a Wavegarden Cove.
HE Shaikh Abdulla bin Khalifa Al Khalifa, CEO of Mumtalakat and chairman of Edamah, declared the venue “will be transformational for the tourism and recreation sectors in the Kingdom of Bahrain,” continuing, “This pioneering project reflects Edamah’s commitment to innovation and our focus on investing in local initiatives that will strengthen the tourism infrastructure in the kingdom, while also enhancing Bahrain’s attractiveness as a tourist destination.”
And also a World Surf League Championship Tour destination.
Soz Wrights.
Back to Club Hawaii, though. Will Bahrain seek to recreate more of the North Shore, like Spam Musubi and cracks to the head or satisfy itself with deadly waves breaking over shallow reef alone?
More, certainly, as the story develops.
DEI stuff is pretty low on the list of what people are voting on. All anybody cares about anymore is money and the Dems are getting blamed for the price of bacon etc going up, even though inflation happened all over the world due to Covid.
America has recovered faster than any other country but since people are stupid and don’t pay attention to facts. I think trumps going to win.
She would have to be up by nine points right now to win the election.
When I was in school I’d always think I was going to fail every test and then did good every time. I guess it’s a way of lowering expectations to I’m not bummed out with shitty news.
Other people would always think they did good and then got a C.
We’ll see maybe I’ll be surprised on election night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uHs3E9tva8
Will they use the “Oil Slick Glass” setting? Can we throw rocks at Tyler or anyone else whose surfing a heat gay? Will Keala Kennelly be DJing? More questions than answers ….stay tuned Fan-addicts…
But where will the Natural Selection of surfing be held? Will Kelly come out of retirement for it? Carissa? Steph? Who’ll get the invites? How many slots? Will Chas and DLS finally show Turpel how it’s done? A new home for disenfranchised tour vets, cut casualties, up and coming no names terminators that Red Bulls grew in their lab? So many questions.
F.T.L. is back, bigger and better
Not just a FuckinTallLadder anymore
Now a lifestyle experience
FUCKIN’
TALL
LAND
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
With unbeatable views of Abu Dhabi, and also the (yet to be unveiled) Bahrain wavepool.
P.S.
Future surf parks coming to Iran, and (Chas’s favourite) Yemen will also be viewable from Fuckin’ Tall Land…
Will Kaipo be commentating from atop that ladder. Better not look down too quicky as he is dizzy enough right now with the shenanigans of his mate in the booth who has potential to be breaking some serious balls with a flick of the switch.
About time. Pipeline mediocre at best. Inconsistent, fickle and a glorified closeout.
the tech all (slater / waco / plunger) scales (i think? @twillsy), so the only limit is money.
i would fuckin LOVE to see some stupid money thrown at 12-16ft death pits, that would be hilarious.
Chas’z books must be out of print currently. A golden opportunity to hyperlink 2 birds with one stone gone begging..
Health and safety issues. Bottom line if you want to sell a sport to the outside world then near death experiences are not the way to do it. And that is Pipe frequently. Ask boy Chianca India and others. And they are supposed to know what they’re doing.
nah, thats the only thing the general public understands.
they want drama and the threat of injury- only selling point the sport has.
The future of pro surfing is in the Pool. Kelly knows it, been planning for it for years. The WSL will be bought by an Arab consortium, with appropriate name change, and Ziff will be out of there faster than a speeding bullet, grinning from ear to ear.
All the millions of people who have never heard of Pipeline will flock in years to come to the hundreds of pools worldwide to give it ago and ultimately become the NWO of surfing. The non conformers and outdated hippie types can sit around on the coast staring out to sea for long lay days looking for waves. It’s a wrap.
At some point we should talk about how much cooler Tony Hawk is than Kelly Slater
Way better PlayStation game too.
Totally it’s not even comparable. Kelly slater pro surfer was basically a bad iPhone game
I liked the fact you could turn it off and not think of Kelly Slaver afterwards
Fears that BG would stop publishing clickbait sharticles on wave tanks in the Middle East unfounded. Unfortunately, more, much more, as such stories develop.
Fortunately, more, much more time to do other things… besides killing brain cells on BG reading retard-tier sharticles. Gotta look at the bright side, lads!
And fuck, RIP Phil Lesh.
Can’t wait for [Oil] Pipeline Pro. UAE wave pool bringing full circle meaning to the cost per barrel of that sweet crude [oil].
Further evidence of my “surfing is becoming golf” hypothesis:
https://www.instagram.com/p/DBgoL8JxXFH/?hl=en
Seems like most of the washed up California ex pro surfers, Santa Cruz especially are MAGA golf kooks. Then you have all the San Clemente two percent golf losers also.
Selling golf polos once you age out of selling boardshorts is a well tread path down here.
Come on, your girls your SF homey. Sell her to us just one time .
Elections over, she’s gonna lose. Not from SF. Other side of the Bridge. Barabara Boxer is a family friend though and Gavin Newsom my neighbor. Have good things to say about them.
That explains everything.
Do Gavins scraps cum-a-knockin’ at C4’s door?
Just some nice neighbors walking their dogs every morning. When trump wins the losers that voted for him will be the ones that suffer.
It’ll be fine around here. This isn’t the garbage can that trump calls America.
Forget Trump.
Why would anyone support a party that puts up people like Biden and Harris? What the fuk?
It was all about Trump and trying to prevent him from having a second term. That’s why Biden ran and that’s why Harris is running now. It’s called caring about your country
Um, yeah, that dosent make sense.
choice of fascism vs democracy!
Thank you.
War vs peace
Ok .
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
You want club Hawaii? Try the leiomano.
Pool inside…
When it Bahrains it pours
I don’t know about that but I do know that it is a long slog to the end of the year with out the pipe masters/triple crown.
How about less as the stroy develops ?